Innocence

We leave the restaurant and walk toward the beach. He moves his hand to the small of my back as we pass a couple coming from the opposite direction. Those tingles return. Our time is drawing to an end, and it saddens me.

“I’ll meet you here at eleven tomorrow morning. Here’s your bag. Thank you for taking a chance on me.”

I take my bag from him and look up into his blue eyes. I am once again captivated, and I want to lean in to feel those lips, but I quickly pull back. It’s still too soon to kiss him. “I’ll see you then.”

From the way he is looking at me, I can tell he knows that I find him attractive. The bastard.

As I begin to walk off, I decide to give a bold exit line. “Oh, and Damien?” I wait for a few seconds until I know I have his undying attention. “I’m glad fate had me run into you tonight.” I give him a wink before I turn and sashay down the beach without looking back.

Even if I make a fool of myself here, no one back home has to know. Reveling in the feeling of being on cloud nine, I decide I’m ready to live.

THE RAIN PELTED my face, making my tears obsolete on the dreariest day of my life. I watched the wooden coffin being lowered into the ground with long leather straps. My world had changed in a matter of moments.

Part of me wished I could go back to those precious seconds before my mom had revealed the truth about my name. What I thought had been real was actually a lie.

A lie.

The coffin touched down on the soaked earth. Three men, known as Watchers in our private society, were to the right of the burial hole. They pulled the leather straps from underneath the coffin, causing a sound that had me gritting my teeth.

These were the last moments before my mom would be buried for all eternity. Forever is a long time. It has no end and no beginning.

The Watchers, men over eighteen years of age who had taken an oath of commitment to The Light, stepped away from the grave. Most of the time, they were nineteen before they officially took the title due to the extreme training and discipline of the teachings. Essentially, they watched over our way of life, keeping it pure and simple, ensuring all of our laws were followed. The outside world was filled with sin and was doomed. Sometimes, I felt the position was used as a way to keep females uninformed. Questioning thoughts were not appropriate according to the teachings.

The rain continued as the men put their hands behind their backs and looked toward the Keeper, the leader of our community.

We never spoke of the outside world. There were things we needed from it to survive, but we peacefully coexisted. All of my life, I stayed within the walls of our community called The Society. At the back of my mind, I always wondered what life was like beyond the borders.

Stoically, I stood at the head of the burial hole next to the Keeper. An eerie chill ran down my spine being so close to him. Normally, I tried to avoid his presence at all costs.

Lightning struck and I had to fight not to flinch. We patiently waited until the Keeper deemed it time to speak. The Keeper made all the laws and saw to it that visions he received from The Light became realty. I never understood what The Light was, but to question it was blasphemy. Basically, we were to blindly follow. Something never seemed right wi

th that thought process, but that was life.

The rest of the community, known as Charges, stood behind the Watchers as their eyes casted on the casket.

Thunder rolled through the area as the rain came down harder. My bonnet pressed against my face as I spared a glance at the Keeper. He had on his black tall hat. His shock-white hair peeped out underneath the brim. Every time I took in his wrinkled, papery white face, I shivered. Something had always seemed off about him. My mind was numb as I tried to process the loss.

He cleared his throat. “My fellow family. It is a sad day when we lose one of our Charges. We’ve learned through our teachings that as life gives it must also take. Yesterday, it took our Anita and we will forever bear the loss. It is a burden we share that serves as a uniting purpose. Anita has left a piece of her light in her daughter, Sarah, which we are grateful for. Are there any doubters of The Light in our presence?”

Sarah.

That apparently wasn’t my real name. It was Kenzie Brooks. At least that’s what my mom had told me right before she died. Did the Keeper know the truth? Glancing up, I looked around at my fellow Charges and the Watchers, all dressed in black and white. Does anyone else know who I am? My mind was numb with everything I tried to process.

Everyone in unison replied, “No Keeper. We are a unified group.”

The Keeper knelt and picked up a handful of mud, then threw the glob on my mom’s coffin. “May we always be a unified group, in life and death.”

The Keeper’s somber words had me wanting to fall and weep. That action would be frowned upon so I stood strong. Per the teachings, extreme emotions led to the sin that had condemned the outside world. I was supposed to accept my mom’s death as something The Light wanted and be grateful she had been chosen to go home. In reality, grateful was the farthest emotion I felt. Selfishly, all I wanted was my mom back.

We stood there and I watched the mud splotch begin to dissipate through the droplets of rain that landed on the coffin, disappearing into nothingness. I wished I could fade away versus dealing with the new revelations my mom had shared with me.

The Keeper put his hands on my shoulder and I inwardly cringed while remaining outwardly unaffected. “We shall proceed to the community hall to eat. Today shall be a meal with no talking as we reflect on The Light that burns within us. Sarah shall be allowed her evening of mourning and tomorrow we shall help her cleanse her home.”

No one responded as it wasn’t a question, but essentially a command. To waste time and energy on frivolous things was frowned upon.

Mourning time was limited in The Society. After lunch, everyone would be expected to return to life as normal, except me. The teachings said that to focus on death too long was to fuse in a disease that would eat away at the whole of our community. Having now experienced true heartache, the rule made no sense to me. All I wanted to do was fall to the ground and weep for days.

Turning, the Keeper stepped away. The Watchers followed. Not a Charge moved from their spot until the last Watcher had passed by me. It was a sign of respect. My best friend, Matthew, walked by me and his fingers grazed mine. Feeling his kindness and sympathy had my lips trembling for a mere moment. Matthew was nineteen and had recently been named a Watcher. Since his induction ceremony, our time together had been limited. I missed him.