Dissipate

A girl about my age greeted me. “Hi, welcome to the U of A Admission office. How may I help you?” Her voice was warm and cheery while I glanced at the nametag on her shirt. Brooklyn.

“I’d like to register for the placement test tomorrow.” Thank you internet for the mountain of information.

She handed me a piece of paper. “Perfect. Here’s the application. Bring it back to me filled out with the testing fee, and I’ll get you scheduled for tomorrow.”

The papers had several required blanks to fill in as I took them in my hands and briefly glanced over them. “Do you mind if fill it out here? I have the test fee with me.”

Pointing to the chairs across the floor, she responded, “Of course. Feel free to sit over there.”

She was beautiful with her blonde hair and blue eyes. With her fitted clothes, Brooklyn had the look I wanted. From the other girls I’d seen on campus, they dressed similar to her. There was something inviting about her that made me want to get to know her more.

After this, I needed to go to the store to get some essentials, like clothing, before heading to the shelter ton

ight. I had printed maps with directions to the store, shelter and the bank. The bank was two-miles from the college. That was my plan tomorrow—see what was in the safety deposit box my mom had left after my test.

Beginning to fill out all of the pertinent information, the receptionist talked. “I’m Brooklyn. Are you from around here?”

There was an urge for a second to use Sarah but I caught myself. “I’m Kenzie, and from Montana.”

“Oh wow, that’s a ways away. I bet your parents are missing you.”

Talking about myself, no, lying about myself, was uncomfortable but I needed to get used to it. This was my new life, falsities and all. The pen hovered above my paper as I answered. “My dad passed away when I was little and mom recently did, too. We didn’t have much, so I got on a bus and came here to start over.”

Brooklyn seemed at a loss for words. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I shouldn’t assume things like that.”

For an address, I wasn’t sure what to use. I had no home yet. To be so close, yet so far away had panic rising within me. Stay calm, Kenzie. Think this through. There is a solution. My palms turned clammy. Racking my brain, I tried to think of an address I could use. The letter. Mom had put an address in the letter. For now, to get by, I’d use the address of the bank.

I signed my name in the last spot. “There’s no way you would have known.”

“Well, you’ve chosen an awesome school. All my family came here and my aunt is head of admissions. Go pig sooie.” Brooklyn raised her hand with her fist clenched in a pumping motion.

I had read about the Razorbacks, with the matching pig school mascot, and the accompanying phrases that went with it.

“Well, hopefully after tomorrow I’ll be able to call the hogs too.” Fingers crossed my mom had prepared me enough to pass.

The phone rang before Brooklyn had a chance to respond and I approached the desk with the money. Speaking bubbly and helpful, Brooklyn assisted whoever was on the line.

After she finished, I placed the paperwork and fee on the counter. “Here you go. Do you need anything else?”

A receipt was filled out and handed back to me. “I think we have everything. Be here tomorrow at eight a.m. They start on time and you’ll forfeit your seat if you’re late.” Before I could respond, she spoke again, “Oh, I forgot to tell you. The results should be back the day after you take the test.”

“Perfect. It was nice meeting you, Brooklyn. Hopefully I’ll see you around campus.”

As I tucked the papers into bag, Brooklyn responded, “I have a feeling we will. After the test tomorrow, I could show you around campus if you’d like.”

I wanted to cry from Brooklyn’s offer. To have someone to spend time with and not be alone would be amazing. At The Society, we simply focused on our chores. Small talk was frowned upon. Matthew and I had a special relationship out of the norm for our community. “Really?” A genuinely appreciative smile spread across my face. “That would be fantastic. I’ll take you up on that.”

“Yay! I love showing people around. It’ll be fun.”

We waved good-bye as I made my way back outside. So far, everything was working out. Though it was overwhelming and I was trying to absorb everything about this new place, at least I was making headway. Not knowing how the test was going to turn out was an unsettling queasy feeling. So much uncertainty still hung in the balance that it was hard to celebrate all these small victories. But, I had to remain positive.

Please let me pass. Please let me get into college. Please.

I wasn’t sure who I was praying to with all the lies I’d discovered from the Keeper’s teachings.

Pulling out my map, I trekked to a store called Walmart. It was supposed to be a one-stop shop for everything. That was hard to imagine. Hopefully, I would be able to get all that I needed here. The sun beat down on me and sweat trickled down my spine. My body was tired, exhausted and stressed. The adrenaline high was ebbing.

As I walked, my thoughts turned to Matthew. Guilt swept through me for not thinking about him and what he must have felt believing I had left to die. I missed him. Besides my mom, he was the person I was closest to. I’d never see him again. For as long as I could remember, I’d imagined a life with Matthew. Even children. The letter from my mom seemed like she wasn’t convinced I was meant to be with him.