Zack (Cold Fury Hockey 3)

I laugh at him, shaking my head. He's referencing, of course, the fact that he'd sat on the bench during the game. In most arenas, the backup goalies never even sit on the actual bench on the ice, but rather get fully suited up to just sit in the locker room on the chance they'll be called in to the game. I imagine it was a lonely existence and Ryker has to be pretty disconnected from the ebb and flow of the game while watching it on TV.

He's not put out by it at all, though. He's self-deprecation at its finest, and I admire that.

"You have a good attitude about it all," I say. "It's impressive. I hope I'm as gracious when my career starts winding down, and that's not too far off."

"I knew it was coming," he says with a shrug. "Known it since I started in this league thirteen years ago."

The bartender comes back with my beer and Ryker's burger, and I order up the same. After he leaves, I turn to Ryker, curious to learn more about him. "So are you married?"

"Married, but in the process of a divorce," he says with a grim smile.

"Irreconcilable differences?"

"I guess that's a way to look at it. I wanted to sleep with my wife, she wanted to sleep with a different man. I couldn't reconcile myself to those differences," he says drily as he doctors up his burger, and I can't help but laugh.

"Damn, man," I say sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

"It's all good," he says. "We drifted apart long before this happened. Should have happened sooner, but you get caught up with pregnancies and kids, and next thing you know...you're staring at a stranger."

I pick up my beer and take a sip, considering this. No doubt Gina and I drifted apart a bit after Ben was born. We just sort of thought that was the natural way of things, children coming between the parents' bond. I have to wonder...would we have continued drifting? Would either of us have looked at another person and wondered if they held something better? I want to think a resounding no, but I've had so many doubts and insecurities about what we really had that I just can't know for sure. That saddens me greatly.

"Tell me about your kids," I ask Ryker, and the man's face lights up brighter than Rockefeller Center at Christmas.

"Two girls. Violet's six and Ruby is four," he says with fondness. "They're with their mom back in Boston."

"That's tough," I say. "Will she have primary custody?"

Ryker shrugs. "Not sure yet. We were going to try to work out a joint share. She keeps them during the season and I'd have them in the summer, but not sure that's going to work out."

"Why's that?" I ask, and then turn to acknowledge the bartender who brings my burger over.

As I pull the bun off and load it up with ketchup and mustard, Ryker says, "Well, the man that my wife was sleeping with also happened to be a teammate of mine on the Eagles."

"What the fuck?" I say in surprise as I slap the bun back on my burger.

"Yup. One of my much younger teammates. He's fucking nineteen years old," Ryker says, shaking his head with a grimace.

"That's cougarific," I mutter.

"Tell me about it. Don't get me wrong...Hensley, my soon-to-be ex-wife, has it going on in the looks department. She's hot as fuck, but come on...she's thirty-one with two little girls and this fucker still gets acne."

I snicker and pick up my burger to take a bite. That is some whacked shit.

"The worst part is she now wants to travel with him when he's on the road. She can't do that with the girls because they're in school. So she called me the other day and wanted to discuss the possibility of me taking them full-time," Ryker says, and then picks up a french fry off his plate to wave at me. "I'd kill to have the girls permanently with me, but fuck...I travel too. What am I supposed to do with them when I'm gone?"

"A nanny," I tell him pointedly.

"Is that what you do for your boy?" Ryker asks, and when I blink at him in surprise, he says, "I had heard about the accident...league grapevine and all. I'm really sorry about that, Zack."

I nod and give him a smile to let him know it's okay. "Yeah...well, I hired a nanny to watch Ben when I'm not able to and she's been working out great so far. I can get you the name of the service my sister used to find her."

"That would be awesome," Ryker says gratefully. "It may be moot. I mean, maybe Hensley will come to her senses and realize the girls are more important than her chasing around a young piece of ass."

"Dude...that's just some fucked-up shit," I say, shaking my head as I drag a french fry through some ketchup. "Tell me you stomped the guy's ass."

"Let's just say that he was on the receiving end of my unhappiness when I found out," he says darkly. "You could also say that little incident may have precipitated my trade from the team."

"What?" I ask sharply, eyeing him in disbelief. "The Eagles traded a veteran goalie with three Cups and four Vezinas because you clocked one of the other players?"

"Not just any player," Ryker says with a dark glint in his eye. "Patric Sutter."

I whistle low and shake my head. "Your wife slept with the number-one draft pick last year? Rumored to be potentially the greatest player the league has ever seen?"

"Little fucker," Ryker growls. "He's lucky I only broke his nose."

Leaning over, I slap Ryker on the shoulder with a laugh. "Brick...dude...I thought my life was fucked up, but you actually make me feel better about myself."

We both chuckle over that and chow down on our burgers for a few blessed moments of silence. When we finish, we push our plates away and order up two more beers. I have to say, this guy is completely chill and super easygoing. It's actually not a chore to talk to him...not the way it's been for me lately when it comes to interacting with people.

"If you don't mind me asking," Ryker says once we have our new beers, "how hard is it...being a single parent?"

I tap my finger against the edge of my beer bottle for a moment, considering the question. "In some ways, it's scary as hell. Having all the responsibility on your shoulders, not having a partner to help you make important decisions. But in other ways...it's kind of nice. I mean...after Gina died, Ben and I grew even tighter. We had no choice because we only had each other."

"I have the feeling that if Hensley goes through with this asinine idea of following that little dickhead around, she's not going to be very involved with the girls."

"Well, best advice I can give to you is go with your gut on things," I tell him simply. "Trust your parenting skills. You may not get it right all the time, but you will most of the time."

"Maybe this is completely doable," Ryker muses. "If I can find a good nanny like you have...this could totally work."

"Sure it can," I tell him confidently. Seeing firsthand just how well it is working out for me and Ben, I see no problem in encouraging him on this path. Of course, no guarantee he'll find someone as awesome as Kate, but maybe he will.

And just thinking about her has my mind now running off in a different direction. As I glance at my watch, I know she's getting Ben ready for bed. I had planned to call and check in soon, so I might as well do it now.

"I'm going to make a quick call to Ben," I say to Ryker.

"Take your time, man," he says with a smile.

I dial Kate's cellphone, mainly because I know she has it on her and wherever she is, so too will Ben be.

She answers in a haughty voice. "He who seeks the most wonderful nanny in the world, speak and you shall be recognized."

Shaking my head with a smile, I gaze down at my beer bottle and have a deep longing for home. "Most wonderful nanny in the world?"

"If you insist on calling me that," she says tartly, "I will not stand in your way."

"God, you're weird."

She rewards me with a husky laugh. Not a sweet giggle that she normally delivers, but one that is low and promising. It immediately makes me think dirty thoughts about her, and I do not need to be sporting wood in this bar.

Clearing my throat, I ask, "Ben available?"

"What do I look like?" she asks

impudently. "His social secretary?"

But before I can even say anything, she's pulled the phone away and I hear her say softly--indicating that Ben is right beside her, "Hey...Bilbo Booty Butt...your daddy's on the phone."

"Daddy," Ben squeals into the phone. "I miss you so much."

And, yeah...I'm definitely starting to like him calling me "Daddy."

"Miss you too, little man," I tell him softly. "So what did you do today?"

"Kate and I went to the library, then grocery shopping. We got a fake rat to hide in your bed," he rambles on, and I hear Kate yell in the background, "Secrets Ben. We have secrets."

"Oh, that was 'posed to be a secret," he says, and giggles. "And I just finished playing Chutes and Ladders with Sutton."

"You mean Kate," I correct him.

"No, Sutton. She's here. And Olivia too," he says.