Don't Kiss the Bride

“Then let me help you. I’ll take you to rehab. I’ll pay for it. We’ll get you clean, and then you can live here as long as you want. Look how nice this place is now. We’ll find you a job, or you can go to college. Whatever you want.”

“I’m not going to rehab, Jude. As long as I just do a little bit, I’m fine. I just need some money.”

I’ve said those exact same words. For a long time I believed them—until I woke up half-dead in an alley.

“You’re not fine, and I’m not giving you money to feed your habit.”

She paces around the island, pulling at her hair. “I can’t believe you’re being like this. You think you’re better than me? You’re not. You’re just like everyone else.”

“I love you, kiddo, but I can’t play this game with you. Been there, done that. If you want real help, then you’ve got it. A thousand percent.”

She sets her eyes on me like a wild animal. “Just give me some cash, then, and we’ll get the hell out of here.”

“We?” I repeat. “Who the hell is we?”

“Jimmy’s out in the van.”

A disgusted laugh erupts out of me. “I should’ve guessed. I want that fucker off my property. Now.”

Tears pool in her eyes, and I feel trapped in an impossible situation. This is a nightmare I never could’ve seen coming. I’d do anything for her. I’ve been down on my knees praying for her to be okay and to come home, but I never expected her to come back asking me for drug money, and I never expected her to look at me like she doesn’t give one shit about me.

I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and take out two hundred-dollar bills. I toss it on the island between us.

“You can take that. Get a motel.”

She snatches it up fast and shoves it down the front of her shirt, under her bra.

“Erin,” I say softly, hoping it gets through to her. “Let me help you. I know how hard it is. I’ve fuckin’ been there. Ditch that douchebag and let me help you get clean. You can start over. It’s not too late.”

As she shakes her head back and forth, she smiles weakly at me, and I catch a glimmer of the girl I remember—the one who still lives on in my memories. The one who had hopes and dreams and spent hours at the mall buying clothes. The one who used to wait up for me to come home, so she could tell me all about her day.

“I can’t do that, Jude,” she admits with the slightest tone of regret. “I can’t leave Jimmy. We stick together. No matter what.”

Defeated, I ask, “So what are you going to do?”

“I’m gonna take this and get a cheap motel, meet with Jimmy’s hookup for a fix, and then we’re going to Maine. Jimmy’s got some friends there.”

“Yeah,” I bark out. “I bet he does.”

We stare at each other for a few seconds, not saying a word. What is there to say? I can’t believe this is where we are. I feel overwhelmingly powerless and guilty as all fuck. This entire situation is the product of my bad choices, and I’ll never forgive myself for being the one who inadvertently put these wheels in motion.

I thought I had cleaned up my mess when I got my shit together. I had no idea it had spread to my sister.

All I want to do is go out to my driveway, haul Jimmy Vantz out of that ratty van and kill him with my bare fucking hands. I want to strangle him until his eyes pop out of his ugly head. But as tempting as that is, I’ve got Skylar to think about. My Sparkle. I can’t—I won’t—risk ending up in jail for assaulting or murdering a junkie and leave her by herself.

“Thanks for the cash,” Erin says. “Sorry this wasn’t the reunion you were hoping for.”

The knife twists deeper into my heart.

“I don’t want things to be like this,” I say.

“Just go back to thinking I’m dead, Jude. We’ll both be better off.”

She doesn’t hug me goodbye. She just leaves without so much as a glance back at me.

I sink into one of the chairs, completely fucked in the head.

Chapter 34

Skylar

Holy shit.

My heart is breaking for Jude.

From my bedroom window, I watched his sister leave. She stopped in front of the garage on her way to the driveway and peeked into the windows like she was casing the place. Then she climbed into the van, and I could see her and a guy, illuminated behind the windshield when she lit up a cigarette. Her hands waved frantically as she was, no doubt, giving the guy a recap about what just went down.

I’m proud of Jude for standing his ground. Turning Erin away had to be the hardest thing he’s ever done. After all this time, she showed up alive and well (high, but well). Only she didn’t come back to resume her life and integrate into her family. She came back to use him.