Lukas (Ashes & Embers 3)

I grind my teeth to keep from swearing. I don’t want to lose twenty bucks. “I don’t want your leftovers. That’s why.”

“You’re not gonna find a virgin, pal. Suck it up.”

“I’m not saying a virgin. Just someone you haven’t been with.”

“Why? I can give you honest reviews. Like a critique service.”

“I’m going to fucking punch you in the face in about two seconds,” I tell him, even though I’m laughing. He’s such an asshole sometimes.

Gram pipes up from across the room. “Lukas . . . you know the rules.”

Oh, fuck me. I pull out my wallet. “You’re killing us, Gram,” I tease, shoving a five dollar bill into the jar.

“Someday, you will both thank me.”

“Someday, we’ll both be here for a loan,” Vandal shoots back.

I saunter over to Gram, who’s rinsing the dishes in the sink. “Hey, Gram, I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes.”

“Of course we can.” She grabs a towel and dries off her hands. “Let’s go in the other room.”

I follow my grandmother to the den, which I know is her favorite room because it’s filled with all of my late grandfather’s most coveted things. I wish I could have met him before he passed away, and thank him for changing my life. But sadly, without his death, my father would not have had come clean about having two sons, and I wouldn’t be here now.

Gram sits on the leather couch and pats the spot next to her. “Come sit by me, Lukas. You have a glint in your eye. Have you met someone?”

I love my grandmother for so many reasons. She’s not just the sweetest and most caring person I’ve ever met; she is amazingly in touch with every single person in her family. She truly knows each of us and what makes us tick. Being the matriarch of a family of mostly male musicians and artists cannot be easy, but she keeps us in line and makes all of us feel loved and accepted, even when we have fucked up.

I flop onto the worn leather couch and stretch my legs out in front of me. “I did meet someone, Gram. I need some advice.”

She clasps her hands on her lap. “I knew it! Okay, let’s see if I can help. Tell me all about her.”

I sigh, feeling lost about how to explain my feelings. How do I explain that heart-stopping jolt I feel every time I see her or touch Ivy?

“She’s a client.”

Gram raises her eyebrows at me. “I know, I know,” I say, holding my hands up. “I broke my own rule, but there’s just something about her. Every time I touch her, my stomach does back flips. I can barely tattoo her without my hands shaking. I’ve never felt like that before.”

“Ahhh . . . chemistry is so wonderful. I remember that feeling.”

“Yeah. That. She’s really cute, too, and kinda shy. She has a good job, and she’s totally normal. She doesn’t party. She doesn’t have fake tits . . . she listens to me when I talk, like she really cares about what I’m saying, ya know?”

A warm smile touches her lips. “She sounds like a lovely girl for you, sweetheart. I like her already.”

“Yeah, but here’s the problem—she won’t go out with me.”

“Oh,” Gram says, frowning. “Well, why not? Why wouldn’t she want to date you?”

“She’s thirty-six. Her husband just left her a few months ago, after being married for eighteen fucking years. He had an affair with a younger girl. She’s got two kids, a teenage daughter and a son a little older than Katie. Her head still seems a little messed up over it. She keeps saying she’s not ready, and that I’m too young for her.”

Gram listens intently, her eyes growing wider the longer I talk, and she finally lets out a little whistle. “Oh, boy. You have your work cut for you, I’m afraid.”

Taking a deep breath, I stare at the old grandfather clock against the wall, which belonged to my great grandfather, and then my grandfather. The cherry wood is gorgeous and perfectly carved, and the ticking lulls me as I stare at it, almost hypnotizing me. Gram knows that I’m in love with this clock and has promised to will it to me when she passes, which is something I don’t even want to think about, but I will cherish that clock forever.

“If you really like her, you’re going to have to be patient with her, but also let her know how you feel. She probably feels very confused right now and distrusting of men in general, and I really don’t blame her.”

“You’re right. She’s scared. I can see it when I talk to her.”

“I’m sure she is. And the age thing, for her, it probably seems like a big deal. I would guess that she feels much older than she actually is. You’re mature for your age, and eventually, she’ll see that, but it’s going to take some time.”

“So what do I do? I kissed her last night, and it was off the charts. I know she felt it, too, but she keeps putting walls up.”

“I’m not sure, love. I think you’re going to just have to give her time. Let her know that you’re willing to wait for her. Are you?”

“Hell, yeah. I’ll wait. I don’t want to, obviously. But for her, yeah . . . I’ll wait.

She puts her small hand on my arm. “She needs to feel like you could be something stable for her. Her husband just shattered her world, right?”

I nod. “Yeah, she was blindsided. For real.”

“Then you have to gain her trust. She has to find out what a wonderful man you are. And you really are, Lukas. You’re a gentleman. She doesn’t know it right now, but soon she will, and she will be very lucky to have you in her life.”

I don’t mind giving Ivy time to figure out that I’m not gonna hurt her, but damn, I want her. Now.

Gram squeezes my arm softly to get my attention. “And what about the children? Are you ready to be involved with a woman who has two children? That’s a lot of responsibility, and it won’t be easy. She’s not going to be able to just get up and go on a whim, or hang out all night at concerts with you. Have you thought about all of that?”

I roll my head back and forth against the couch. “Well . . . sorta, but maybe not in that much detail. I love kids. I have no problem with her having children. I haven’t even told her I play in the band sometimes.”

She smacks my arm. “Lukas! You have to tell her. No secrets, all right? When will you boys learn? I tell you all over and over. No lies. No secrets. Why is it so hard?” She shakes her head in exasperation.

Laughing, I give in, knowing she’s right. “Okay, okay. I’ll tell her. I’m going to ask her to come to the next show with me. Maybe she’ll actually say yes.”

“You have to bring her here when you get this sorted. I want to meet her.”

“Definitely. I could love this chick, Gram. I can feel it. She’s t

he one.”

A huge smile spreads across her face, and her eyes sparkle. “You are such a romantic, Lukas. You’re just like your grandfather. You remind me so much of him when he was your age.”

I straighten up and turn fully toward her, interested to hear more about my grandfather. “Really? What was he like?”

She literally glows as she gazes at his photograph on the wall. “He was a very special man. Smart. Generous. Good looking. Everybody loved him.”

“I wish I could have met him.”

“I think most of you boys get your romantic side from him. Your Uncle Ronnie is the same way. Unfortunately, your father is not. He’s not a lover, but a drifter. He doesn’t know what he wants. He never has.”

I stare at the clock and chew the inside of my cheek before asking my next question, not sure I want to hear the answer. “Do you ever hear from him? My father?”

She shakes her head and frowns. “No. Not since your grandfather passed.” Her voice drops. “But that’s okay. He told me about you and Vandal, and that’s all that matters. I can’t chase your father anymore. He’s taken years off my life already.”

“I don’t understand what his deal is. Why doesn’t he care about us?” I’ll never understand why my parents didn’t want me, and even though I try to tell myself it doesn’t matter, and that it’s their loss, and all the other bullshit that therapists and shrinks fed me growing up, it still bothers me that I was given away and forgotten like trash.

“Sweetheart, he doesn’t even care about himself. He’s not capable of caring about anyone else. We all love you and Vandal, no matter what. Don’t let his bad choices and shortcomings affect you.”

I crack my knuckles and stand up. “I should get going.” I take her hand and help her up. “Thanks for listening to me.”

“Anytime. You’ll be here for Christmas? You can bring your friend, and her children. The more the merrier.”

I’m not sure Ivy will be ready to have a family Christmas dinner with me in a few weeks. Especially with this crew. “We’ll see, Gram.”

Vandal and Katie are still at the kitchen table coloring when we return from our talk, and my cousin Talon has joined them. Vandal is grinning like an idiot.