Lukas (Ashes & Embers 3)

“Mom! Dad wants to talk to you!”

Great. I can feel another uncomfortable conversation coming on. I wash my hands and go out into the hall, where Paul is standing with the kids. “Go eat dinner while I talk to your father,” I say to them, giving Tommy a quick kiss hello as he walks by me.

“You colored your hair,” Paul says when they’re gone.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“No, but it looks really nice.”

I cross my arms. “What do you want exactly? I’d like to eat dinner with my kids.”

He rubs the back of his head. “What’s going on with you?” he asks in a hushed tone.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re dating? Spending the night with other men?”

I gape at him. “Are you serious? What business is that of yours? And it’s one man, not ‘other men’.”

“We’re still legally married.”

“You left me and your kids to move into a condo with some home wrecker, Paul. You filed for divorce a week later. That was months ago, and I’ve been alone this entire time. I think it’s acceptable for me to date.”

“She’s not a home wrecker.”

“She knew you were married. She met your kids and me several times, and yet she slept with you anyway. Even if you were pig enough to pursue her, she should have stayed away from you, knowing you were married.”

He glares at me. “I met your so-called boyfriend. What in the hell are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking he’s an amazing man who treats me like a princess and actually cares about me.”

“He’s a fucking punk kid. He looks like a Goddamn circus act.”

I bite my tongue and try not to explode. I am really sick of people judging Lukas just by the way he looks, and not seeing him for the amazing person he is. I didn’t know people with body art were so judged by others. “You don’t know him, Paul. He’s extremely talented, successful, loyal, and polite. You could take some lessons from him.”

He leans in close to me, his breath hot against my face. “I don’t want that freak show near my kids.”

“You don’t get a say in that. You left us for some little whore. You had an affair and lied to us for a year. You have no right to pass judgement on someone else, just because they have tattoos and piercings. He’s a good person.”

“He’s a fucking kid. Are you really that desperate?”

“Are you? I think he’s older than your girlfriend, just for the record.”

He shakes his head and paces the hallway. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Ivy.”

“Me? What happened to you? You destroyed an eighteen-year marriage. And now you’re stalking me? You threw me away. You have no right to follow me around or make comments about who I choose to spend my time with.”

“I didn’t think you’d do something like this.”

“Like what? Find someone to make me happy?”

He stops pacing and stares at me. “What could you possibly have in common with someone like that? He’s going to fuck you and get rid of you. You’ll probably end up with a disease.”

I sigh, bored with his tantrum and lame attempts to turn me away from Lukas. “We get along great and he makes me laugh. We want the same things in life. We both value and want commitment. Most of all, I’m happy, and that’s all that matters right now. You’re the one who got rid of me.”

He edges closer to me and puts his hand on my arm. “I’m sorry I did that, Ivy. I think about it all the time, and I feel like shit about it. I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

There was a time I would care about his apology, when it may have meant something to me, but now, I just don’t. I’m numb to him now and only feel irritation toward him. “Well, you did what you did, Paul, and we’re both moving on now. I’d like the divorce finalized soon. We need to work out a visitation schedule and figure out what we’re going to do with this house. Then we can be free of each other.”

“Is that what you want?”

“It’s what you wanted, Paul. I never wanted any of this, but this is where I ended up.”

He leans back against the wall and lowers his head. “The thought of that guy touching you is driving me crazy. You’ve always been just mine. Knowing that kid with long hair and tattoos is crawling all over you makes me feel sick.”

I blink back the unwanted tears that threaten to start. “I felt the same way. We were each other’s firsts, and were supposed to be each other’s lasts. How do you think I felt, knowing you were sleeping with another woman behind my back?” My voice cracks, and I swallow hard. “I heard you telling her you wanted to fuck her. Do you know how much that hurt me?”

He licks his lips and nods slowly, my words sinking in. “I do now.”

“Well, good. You deserve it.”

He meets my eyes, and I see regret and sadness there, but it’s too late. A few months ago, I would have taken this opportunity to try to make him see how much I love him and what we had together. I would have asked him to come back, and tried to start over fresh. I would have begged him to leave Charlene, and I would have forgiven him.

But not any longer, because now, my heart belongs to a man who’s woken up way too many new desires in me. I want to see his hair falling into his deep, emotional eyes. I want to feel that hard, inked skin against mine. I want to be held like a doll one moment and taken up against a wall the next. I want to hear more beautiful music from him, and to see more of his incredible art. But most of all, I want to be the keeper of his damaged heart.

“You should go,” I say, straightening my spine. “I want to spend some time with the kids.”

I turn and leave him in the hall, and hear the click of the door by the time I reach the kitchen to enjoy dinner with my kids.

Lukas: I had the best night with you. I miss you.

Me: So did I, and I miss you, too. So much. Xo

Lukas: How did your night go?

Me: It was interesting. I told Macy about you. She freaked out, but I think she’s ok with it. She loves the band, especially Talon. :-)

Lukas: Oh, hell no. He’d be all over her.

Me: Yes, let’s keep them apart please.

Lukas: How was everything else?

I know he’s hinting at how it went with Paul, and he wants to know if anything has changed.

Me: Paul came in when he dropped Tommy off. He was freaking out about me being with you. He’s jealous. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with before, so he’s having a hard ti

me dealing that I was with you.

Lukas: Tuff shit. He let you go.

Me: I know. That’s pretty much what I said.

Lukas: I’m proud of you. I know this is hard on you.

Me: It is. I feel a little beat up.

Lukas: I wish I could hug you and make you feel better

Me: I do too. I could use it right now. You give the best hugs.

He doesn’t reply, so I check on the kids, change into my pyjamas, and snuggle up in bed to read for a while, hoping it will take my mind off everything so I can get a good night’s sleep. As I’m climbing into bed, my phone buzzes.

Lukas: What are you doing?

Me: Just sitting in bed reading. I thought you fell asleep. :)

Lukas: Come to your front door.

Me: What?

Lukas: Just do it, woman. ;)

Oh my God! He’s here?

I throw on my robe and quietly go downstairs. When I open the front door, I step outside to find him standing there, smiling.

“Lukas! You’re crazy!”

He pulls me to him and hugs me tight. “Hey, if my girl needs a hug, she gets a hug.”

“You. Are. The. Best,” I say, winding my arms around his waist and squeezing him.

Putting a hand under my chin, he lifts my head up to face him. “You okay, baby doll?”

“I am now. You are so sweet, Lukas. And I’m so scared.” I start to cry, and I really don’t even know why. I just feel totally overwhelmed by my feelings for him. Everything feels so intense and so perfect, and so oddly familiar.

“Hey, hey, hey. Everything’s all right,” he whispers. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take care of you, Ivy.” He kisses my lips softly. “I think that’s what you need, someone to take care of you for a while.”

My heart bursts as I bury my face in his warm chest. He’s the stuff women dream about, and he’s right here, on my steps, hugging me. And he’s real—not a dream, not a book, not a movie. And he’s mine.

IVY

“OH MY GOD, MOM, DO YOU think any of the guys from the band will be there?” Macy asks as we stop at a traffic light.