Talon (Ashes & Embers 4)

My head snaps up. "Why not?"

"It will get too crazy having girls on the tour bus. I can't even imagine the drama that could start with fights, jealousy, PMS, wanting time alone, not getting enough sleep, no privacy, Starbucks stops every ten miles, and the list goes on. It's not a place for a woman to be. I don't mind if they fly or drive out to where we are and stay for a few nights, but I don't think they should be traveling with us on the tour. This is our job, not a vacation, and we don't tour as much as most bands, anyway. The girls will be fine for a few weeks."

Storm nods reluctantly. "I hate being away from Evie, but I have to agree. It's for the best. She doesn't want to be schlepping around to all the shows anyway. She has her own job and volunteering at the pet shelter to keep her busy." He glances over at me. "What about you, Talon? How does Asia feel about it?"

"He's been married for two fucking minutes to someone he doesn't even know. Who cares what she thinks?" Mikah interjects. "Are you guys this pussy-whipped already? It's pitiful."

"Shut the fuck up, man," Vandal says.

I ignore Mikah. "Asia doesn't like to travel, so she didn't want to go anyway. I know it's something she was dreading when I told her I wanted her with me. And now she's got tons of orders for stage clothes and that soap stuff. So at least she has something to keep her busy."

"See? She'll be fine," Asher assures me. "Sometimes a little space is good."

"Ya know what's great about this?" Mikah says. "Now when we're on tour, I'll be the only one getting laid while you fuckers pine for your chicks and jerk off. All the hot chicks will be mine." He goes into a fit of hysterical laughter.

Asher shakes his head. "You're a fucking idiot, man. But while we're on the subject, if I catch any of you cheating on your girls, we're gonna have some serious issues. I know it's hard with the fans and the groupies throwing themselves at us sometimes, but trust me, it's not worth it. What you have at home is worth waiting for, so value it and appreciate it no matter what."

"Yoda has spoken yet again."

"Mikah, shut the fuck up!" Storm yells. "Fuck. You never stop."

"I have no problem killing him right now. Or cutting his tongue out. Just say the word," Vandal says with an evil grin. I have no doubt he would hurt Mikah in a heartbeat.

I sigh and puff on my e-cig, worried about leaving Asia alone so soon, and wondering how she's going to react when she finds out I'm leaving in two weeks. Grabbing my guitar, I silently pray this doesn't set us back again.

* * *

It's a pretty awesome feeling to be able to look at someone and know that the smile they're wearing is because of you. It's an equally shitty feeling to know that you're the reason that smile disappeared.

"What? When?" She blinks at me like I'm speaking a foreign language.

"In about two weeks."

"You never said you had to leave so soon. I thought it was months away. Didn't you know about this before?"

"I did… I just forgot with everything else going on."

"How do you forget you're going on tour for almost three weeks? Isn't that a big deal?"

I shrug, not really sure how I forgot. "I dunno. I've been preoccupied with us and the house, I guess. I never really put a ton of thought into being on tour; I just go. I never had plans before or did anything other than play, so it didn't matter if I was gone."

"Well, it matters now." She storms out the back door and walks all the way to the edge of the landscaped backyard, where it turns into woods. I watch her from the window, afraid she might wander into the trees, but instead she sits on the ground.

Taking a deep breath, I go after her, slowly walking across the yard and sitting wordlessly next to her. She's holding a dandelion again, blowing the little seeds, just like she did our first day together. I've seen her doing it a few times since we moved here. Always after a fight.

"Why are you always blowing on dandelions?" I ask her, curiosity getting the best of me.

"I believe in them."

"You believe in that wish stuff?"

"It's not for wishes. It's said that the seeds carry thoughts and affections to a loved one."

I nod slowly as I watch the seeds get carried off by the wind and float into the woods. "And all those times you blew on one, who were you sending them to?"

"You, Talon. Only you."

Standing, I walk through the weeds into the edge of the woods and pick up the tiny seeds she just set free and gently put them in my pocket. At least the few that I can find.

"What are you doing?" she asks when I sit back down next to her.

"You think I want your love lying in the dirt?"

She shakes her head, her eyes dark. "It's just a stupid myth. I never I said I loved you." She gets up and goes back toward the house, obviously not wanting to be near me.

"Yeah, I know." I reply softly, but I'm too late, she's already too far away. For the first time, I wonder if her reluctance about sleeping with me wasn't only out of fear of me not loving her, but also of her not loving me.

Once again, I've fucked things up. This morning, everything was perfect. Like a fucking dream. And now she won't even let me sit next to her.

This is so much more work than I ever thought it would be. I never expected to be so high one minute and so low the next. I don't even know if this is normal for a relationship.

I could call Dr. Hollister, but I'm kind of worried that if this isn't normal, the team might say that they made a mistake and tell us to get divorced or something. I'm not ready to hear that.

Instead, I call Lukas because he's pretty much my best friend, and I know I can talk to him without him laughing at me.

"Hey," he says when he picks up.

"Is it normal to go up and down?"

"Dude, I'm gonna need a little more info about what you're talking about before I'm even going to attempt to answer that."

"Shit. Yeah. I mean in a relationship."

"Define up and down."

"Like we're happy, then something happens and we have a little fight and things are down again. Then we make up and it's better, but shit just starts all over. Like a fuckin' yo-yo."

He sighs into the phone. "Yes and no. No relationship is perfect, bro. There's always going to be little things you have to get over and work out. Gram told me that being married is the hardest job we'll ever have. It takes constant effort from both people to make it work, and I think that's true."

Fuck. That sounds hard. "That makes sense."

"You sound kinda messed up. Did you guys have a fight?"

"Sorta, not a bad one. This morning, everything was perfect. I mean, like, fucking great. Then when I got home, I told her I forgot about the tour, and now she's mad."

"You forgot?"

"Yeah. I just spaced it. You know how I get. I have, like, no sense of time."

"Well, that's true. Of course she's upset. She probably doesn't want you to go, and it sounds like you blindsided her."

"That's how it went down, pretty much. But, like, this sort of shit keeps happening. It's like there is always something knocking us back again."

He's quiet for a few moments before he starts talking again. "Let's not forget you guys are in a strange situation. You're still getting to know each other and understand each other. That's going to throw more curves at you than a regular marriage. You're, like, dating, but married."

"Yeah. It's like a never-ending blind date."

"Probably not that bad, but close."

"So, what do I do? Do you think we're just fucked?" I nudge a rock with my shoe, trying to picture going back to my life the way it was before. And I can't.

"No. You guys just hafta give it time, be patient with each other. And you need to spoil her a little, like I told you. No more shitty comments."

"I haven't been doing that anymore."

"How do you feel? How does she feel?"

"I dunno. I like her a lot. I've never felt like this before. And I kinda think she feels it too. I know she

wants it, but then she seems scared of it, too. How do I know if I'm in love or not?"

"You know what I think? I think you're both falling in love, and you're both scared out of your fucking heads."

"Yeah…that could be. I don't think we were expecting this."

"Well, you shoulda been. You signed up to get married. What did you think was going to happen? What were you hoping for?"

I laugh into the phone. "I have no fucking idea. I just wanted to be happy with someone who wasn't a bitch or using me for something. At first, we were each hoping for a different type of person. But now we kinda seem perfect for each other. I don't get this up-and-down shit. I want it to stop and just be up."

"Good luck, man. That's not gonna happen. Hopefully, there'll be fewer downs, but they're always gonna happen. You hafta work through them together. Don't let it drag on, don't yell at each other, don't say nasty things. Just talk it over. That's the best advice I can give you if you want this to work. You both have to put the effort in to make it work and not let anything get in your way. And after that, if it's still not working out and the fights are constant, then you may have to throw in the towel. I know it sucks, but you can't live in misery."

I stare at all the dandelions growing on the edge of the yard. We still have a lot more to go through before they're all gone.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess we're both confused. I hope we can figure this shit out. We're a little over two months in already."

"Don't think about that. Just take each day one at a time. Don't think about that six-month deadline shit. Do you really think you'd divorce her?"

"No," I answer with zero hesitation.