Talon (Ashes & Embers 4)

Will I ever hear those sounds again? Or will the whoosh drown out her little whispers that drive me wild?

I'm pretty sure the same thought just crossed her mind when she makes an abrupt exit. "I'm going to take the dishes downstairs."

* * *

I never thought I'd feel proud of myself for taking a shower without help, but yeah, I do. I had to stop twice on the way to the bathroom to hang on to a piece of furniture while the room twirled around me, but I made it. I had some visions of falling through the glass doors and slitting every vein in my body and dying in a pool of blood, but I took my chances.

I won't let this shit run my life. Every second I give in to it, it's winning, and I can't let that happen.

Now I'm sitting in bed, inhaling the scent of vanilla and lavender drifting into the bedroom from Asia's bath. She knows that's my favorite of all her bath concoctions, so I take this as a sign she's missing me just as much as I'm missing her.

"You look like you feel better," she comments when she comes out of the bathroom wearing my T-shirt and pink satin panties.

"A little less dizzy, a little more tired." The meclizine seems to be helping a little with the vertigo and nausea, but it's definitely making me more tired than I want to be.

As soon as she gets into bed next to me, I reach for her. She immediately comes to me, half lying on top of me. We kiss deep and slow while I run my hand down the length of her body, stopping to caress her ass. She feels so warm and soft, and she smells like heaven. I’ve missed her like crazy. She leans up and takes off her thin shirt, then returns to my lips, her breath quickening as I push her panties down. She wiggles out of them quickly, and I waste no time sliding my hand between her thighs, sighing when I'm welcomed by her wet, slippery lips. She still wants me. She reaches between us to push my boxers down, and she grabs my already hard cock, stroking me from balls to tip. Groaning, I roll her over onto her back and she spreads her legs wide for me as I slide into her waiting pussy. My heart pounds and my brain spins as I thrust in and out of her. This is what I need to forget all the shit that's happening to me.

She rubs my chest gently. "Slow, Tally…" she whispers.

"I can't. I miss you so fucking much, baby."

"I miss you too." She glides her hands up to my shoulders and pulls me down, breathing heavily against my lips as I kiss her. Her thighs widen more and she raises one leg, bending it around my waist, pulling me deeper into her. I kiss her neck, nipping the tiny pulse at her throat and move my lips down to suck her nipple into my mouth, flicking my tongue wildly over her taut flesh. She arches up and runs her hands down my back, lightly scratching me, an action she knows I love.

"Talon…" She mouths, but I can't hear her this time because the whooshing is getting louder. Her hand tangles in my hair now, gently tugging me to her. I raise my head and meet her lips and it hits me like a brick wall—gravity is gone and I'm falling, grasping at the blankets, fighting back nausea. I pull out of her quickly and roll over onto the side of the bed, scared I'm going to get sick on her.

"Talon?" Her voice, a second ago laced with lust, is now filled with worry and fear.

"Shit. Everything is spinning…" I grab my head, trying to make it stop, but everything is twirling in circles even with my eyes closed.

She sits up and pulls my head into her lap, gently rubbing my temples. "It's okay, hon. Just take a few deep breaths. Don't panic."

I fight back the nausea, refusing to get sick in our bedroom. My dick shrivels as every part of me fights to stop the uncontrollable roller coaster in my brain.

Her lips touch my forehead. "It's okay," she whispers, her fingers lightly massaging my scalp. It helps to soothe me, giving me something to focus on, a reference of where up is.

I don't know how long we lie like that, but the sick feeling finally subsides. She helps me back to my place sitting up against the pillows and holds a glass of water to my lips in the dark.

"Baby, I'm so fucking sorry." I grab her hand and bring it to my lips, kissing her fingers.

"It's okay. I think it was too soon." She snuggles up against my chest and pulls the blanket over us.

Too soon to fuck my wife.

"You want to sleep sitting up? Is it better?"

"Yes." Lying flat makes the vertigo so much worse. What I really want to do is curl up with her like we always do, her chest against my back, my arm around her waist, my head resting next to hers. With the way I feel right now, there's no way in hell I can sleep on my side that way.

I can't hear.

I can't play.

I can't fuck.

I can't sleep.

I can't spoon my wife.

She leans up to kiss my cheek, then brushes her lips against the ear I can barely hear out of before laying her head on my shoulder to sleep.

I'm pretty sure she said something, but the noise in my head took it away, so I tell myself she whispered the words I've been hoping to hear.

Hope seems to be all I have to hang on to right now.

Hope really does die last.

Chapter 36

Talon

I've decided most medication is bullshit. It makes one thing feel slightly better, but then it makes you feel like shit in ten other ways. The pills I have to take might lessen the vertigo, nausea, and the headaches somewhat, but they make me tired as hell and give me so much brain fog I can hardly put two sentences together. That, combined with the pressure in my head and the nonstop whooshing, has put me in a perpetually bad mood and made me have random outbursts of anger, usually over completely ridiculous things.

It's been two weeks since my header off the stage, and I feel slightly better. So I'm sitting in the living room with my laptop, answering emails and dealing with social media crap. I hate seeing the recent concert pictures on our website of fucking Finn on stage, playing my songs.

The band manager and publicist decided it was best to say that a flu caused the stage incident, rather than tell them I now have a chronic disease, because it may ruin sales if the fans know I might have trouble playing live again.

I've become a dirty little secret.

Our next mini-tour is in April, and I'm expected to get my shit together by then.

Movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention, and I look up to see Lukas standing in front of me. I didn't even hear him come in because this is my fucked-up life now. People can sneak up on me.

I put the laptop off to the side and slowly stand up.

"Hey, man, you look better." He gives me a quick hug. Lukas is a lovey, huggy type.

"Thanks. You ready to go?"

"Yeah."

We say a quick good-bye to Asia and head outside to the driveway. It's colder out than I expected, but it feels good after being in the house for almost two weeks.

"Thanks for coming to get me," I say when we get inside his Corvette.

"Anytime, Cuz. Whatever you need."

I nod, bracing myself for the car ride. The mountain road we live on has become a source of pure evil for me now. Whether I'm leaving the house or coming home, I can count on some major car sickness on this mile-long, twisty road. The lowness of his Corvette doesn't help at all.

"You okay?" Lukas asks when we reach the bottom of the hill.

"This shit fuckin' sucks." I ease my grip off the armrest of the door. "It's like a goddamn roller coaster."

"So you want to go to the jeweler's first, then Asher's?"

"Yup."

"What's at the jeweler's?"

"A few weeks ago, I bought Asia an engagement ring. I wanted to propose to her for real at the end of the experiment." I tighten the wristband Asia gave me a few days ago. It's supposed to reduce motion sickness, but so far I'm not sure it's working.

"That's a cool idea. She'll love that."

"Yeah…" I'm not sure about that anymore. "We'll see. Things are different now."

"Why? Because you got sick? That doesn't change anything, man. You're still the same."

/> I shake my head. "No, I'm not. Not even fuckin' close."

"That's bullshit, Tal. Don't let this wreck your plans. It's only been a few weeks."

Lukas waits in the car while I go inside to pay the final balance, and I leave with a tiny black glossy bag holding a diamond ring that cost almost as much as my motorcycle. She's worth every penny, I just don't think I'm worth it anymore.

"That's fuckin' beautiful," Lukas says when I get back in the car and show him the ring. "You better give it to her, or I'll kick your ass."

"I'll think about it. Let's just go."

My head is pounding by the time we get to Asher's studio, but I'm determined to get back to practicing every day and writing new music.

"Hey, you're here," Asher says when we walk in. "Grab a guitar and let's get started. We were just about to start with 'Links of Lies.'"

Ah. "Links of Lies" is a new rock song I wrote right before we left for the Halloween tour. The plan was to save it for our next CD coming out this spring. It starts with a killer violin solo that Lukas plays, then the drums come in, followed by the rest of us. I'm doing fine until the drums start, which sound both incredibly loud yet muffled at the same time. When the other parts come in and Asher starts to sing, none of it is making sense in my head. It's like I'm not hearing the music in any order. It's a horrific mess filtering through my ears, and I can't find the beat. The whoosh and screech are like gremlins, not letting in the sound I want to hear. I have to move to the side in an attempt to get away from the rest of the band and I stumble in the process, tripping over a wire I didn't even see.