Asher (Ashes & Embers 6)
“I’m fine,” I reassure him, moving my mouth to kiss his hand.
“Promise me we’ll be honest with each other from now on. No more secrets. You can talk to me about anything, Em. I’ll always listen and do whatever I can to understand and be here for you. And if you really think I can’t, you can talk to Katherine, Kenzi, Tor, my mother, Gram… So many people care about you.”
He’s right. I could’ve reached out to any of those people. I don’t know why I turned to Redwood, other than I thought he would understand me the most, without judgement, and without trying to change my mind.
“Since we’re talking about honesty,” I say with a knowing smile to lighten the mood. “You weren’t exactly honest with me about something. Like the dog.” I glance over at Teddy snoozing on the floor.
Pulling back from me a bit, Asher narrows his eyes quizzically. “What about the dog?”
“That’s not Teddy,” I say. “And you let me believe he is.”
His shoulders fall. “That’s a little different. I didn’t know you’d think he was actually your Teddy. You were so happy to see him, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you it wasn’t him and that he’d died years ago. It would’ve broken your heart. You remembered something from your past, even though you didn’t realize it. I wasn’t trying to deceive you. I’d never do that. I was trying to give you something to make you happy.”
I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them in a hug. “I know,” I admit. “I’m just trying to make a point.”
“Did you remember more about Teddy?” he asks excitedly.
“Yes. I found the memorial necklace in my jewelry boxes. With his ashes…and it all just came rushing back to me.”
He puts his arm around me and leans his head against mine. “Oh, Em. I’m sorry. You loved that dog so much. I wish I had been here with you when you remembered.”
I wipe away tears that are starting to pool in my eyes. As much as I love the dog at the side of our bed, now that I remember the real Teddy, his death feels raw to me. “It’s okay. I love new Teddy, and I’m not mad at you. I’m glad you brought him to me and let me just remember him on my own. I think that’s how my memories are going to work. I can’t force them. They’re just going to come when they want to.”
“Did you remember anything else?” His eyes shine with hope, and I wish I could throw my arms around him and tell him I remember everything about him. I can only imagine what that moment might feel like, for both of us. The happiness and relief we’d both feel. I don’t think anything in the world could make Asher happier than me remembering our life together.
I shake my head, noticing the slight shade of disappointment in his eyes, and it breaks my heart. “No, just the dog.”
“That’s still great. I really think all your memories will slowly come back. Just like you said.”
“I hope so.” Every time I convince myself the memories don’t matter, that I’m going to be fine moving forward without remembering, I only believe it for a while. The void always creeps up on me, putting a damper on my happiness.
Will that ever go away?
Asher lifts my chin and kisses my lips. “Let’s not worry about that. All I want is for us to be happy. I want us to have the future we always wished for and talked about. Nothing can take that away from us. I hope someday all your memories come back, but if they never do, we’ll just keep making new ones.”
I smile, hoping he’s right about that.
As we clean up our breakfast tray and talk about how we want to spend the rest of the day, my thoughts keep wandering back to the dream and what Asher just said about the future.
I’ve been so focused on not being able to remember the past, it never occurred to me that I’ve also forgotten what I wanted in my future.
I can’t help wondering, what did past Ember and Asher dream about for their future? And more importantly, what do I want for my future?
Chapter Fifty-Three
Dear Diary,
Today’s our one-year wedding anniversary. The past year has totally flown by, but it’s been the best year. Instead of giving each other gifts, we decided to do a special project together. Asher made a little box he called the memory box, and we put a bunch of special things in it that are reminders of our relationship and our life so far, and we added some things that are symbolic of what we want for our future. Then we buried it together. In fifteen years, we’re going to go and dig it up, reminisce about our past, and see if our future dreams came true. I think it’s the coolest idea! I love how thoughtful and romantic he always is.