Asher (Ashes & Embers 6)

“I can’t believe it.” Tears of happiness glimmer in Kenzi’s eyes, and it’s literally destroying what’s left of my heart. “This is amazing, Dad. All these years, you were right. I’m so crazy excited, I’m actually shaking. Look.” She holds up her hand to show us how it’s trembling.

“I can’t wait to see her and hug her and tell her all about my life and Tor and the baby and just everything. Can we go first thing in the morning?”

I put my hands up. “Hold on, sweetheart. She…she doesn’t remember anything. Or anyone. She has no idea who she is or who I am.” I swallow hard as I watch the joy fade from my daughter’s bright-green eyes. “She doesn’t remember any of us. Yet.”

Yet. Three letters holding up an immense amount of hope.

Kenzi clutches Tor’s arm like he’s a raft and she’s drowning in an ocean.

“That’ll come back, though, right?” Tor asks. “It’s just a temporary thing?”

“The doctors don’t know for sure. We can only take it day by day and hope for the best.”

Kenzi blinks, and a tear slides down her pink cheek. “She won’t remember me? At all?”

“I’m sorry, love, but no. She doesn’t remember anything about her own life. She doesn’t even recognize herself in photos yet.”

That little word is now my new lifeline.

“Jesus Christ, Ash. I’m so sorry. This has gotta be fuckin’ killing you.”

“Yeah. It is. But she’s awake, and it looks like she’s going to be able to get better with lots of therapy. That’s what matters. I’m not giving up on her.”

“No way, man. I’ve seen this stuff on TV. Memories come back. I’m sure hers will.”

Kenzi shakes her head and wipes at her face. “What if they don’t? Then what? She just walks around like a...” She stares around the room. “Like a zombie with no memory? Will she ever be happy like that?”

I jerk my head up. “She’s not going to be a zombie. She’ll go through intense therapy and should be totally functional within a year or two.”

“See?” Tor says. “That’s better than any of us ever imagined.”

“Totally functional with no idea who she is? Or who we are? How will that work? Will she even want to be around us?”

“Kenzi,” Tor says softly. “Let’s focus on now. Your dad doesn’t need to hear all this.”

“But what if she doesn’t ever get her memory back? That’s terrifying. Will you be okay with that?”

I don’t even have to think about the answer to that.

“Yes. Because she’s alive, and hopefully she can live her life as a normal person instead of trapped in some crazy sleeping limbo. No matter what, I’m going to help her get through this. We can make new memories.”

That simple, right, Ash?

“I didn’t mean that you should ever abandon her, Dad. I’m worried about you. And her. And us. I guess when you said she was awake, I thought finally, my mom is back, and everything will go back to normal, and we can all be happy again.”

“That can definitely still happen, babe. Let’s try to focus on that.”

Kenzi runs her fingers under her eyes, wiping away tears mixed with smeared makeup. “I’m sorry. You’re right. This is such a shock. I still want to see her as soon as possible. I’m her daughter...mothers and their children have a special bond. Maybe it’ll jumpstart something in her brain.”

I don’t have it in me to tell Kenzi that Ember didn’t recognize her at all in the photo, even as a little girl. I honestly can’t picture Ember accepting that a beautiful, twenty-one-year-old married woman is her daughter right now. Ember probably doesn’t even have any idea what her own age is.

“When I visit tomorrow, let me ask her if she’s ready to meet you. I have to warn you, she’s very detached. I’m worried about you getting too upset while you’re pregnant.”

“The baby and I will be fine, Dad. I’m way more worried about you.”

“Don’t be.”

I hate that my daughter worries about me and doesn’t see me as strong and invincible anymore. I’m supposed to be the protector, the rock of my family. Not the one everyone thinks is living in some kind of delusion and is slowly losing his marbles.

“I don’t mean to seem selfish or uncaring, Dad. I’m excited and grateful beyond words that Mom is getting better. It’s been hard watching you be lonely and broken for so long.” She grabs Tor’s hand. “We want to see you happy again off stage. That’s all.”

“Being with your mom is the only thing that’s ever going to put me back together and make me happy. Helping her recover is all I care about.”

Chapter Ten

I remember the butterflies.

There were always so many butterflies.

Big ones and itty-bitty ones.

Their wings vibrant, fluttering rainbows.

And the sky was always blue, with big puffy clouds that I could reach up and touch with my fingertips.