Long Relief (Hardball 1)

Even though she wanted to.

When had that happened? She was attracted to him, she liked spending time with him, she really, really liked having sex with him… wasn’t that what she should be looking for in a guy with long-term potential?

He cleared his throat, but his voice still sounded tight. “I haven’t formally accepted yet. If there were a reason for me to stay—”

“That’s not fair.” Her eyes glazed with tears. “You know I can’t keep you on the team. Casey wants you out next season. It’s not personal—”

“Wait, you thought I was asking you to keep me on the team?” He looked angry, and worse, hurt. “You thought I would come in here and use this… whatever we have between us, you thought I would use it as a bargaining chip for my career?”

She raised her chin, challenging him to deny it. Even though she knew she had misjudged him, even though she knew he was a better person, if she let herself believe that, it opened up too many complications. “I know how this stuff works, Chris. Dad always said players were going to be looking out for number one, and we had to eat our own. You have to use something to stay in the game.”

“Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t use you!” He paused, and when he spoke again, he was more controlled. “Are you suggesting I would sleep with someone to keep my job?”

Her cheeks flushed. She’d talked in so many damned interviews about how difficult it was to be a woman in a man’s industry, and now she’d gone and done exactly what she hated men doing to her. She took a breath. “Look, I’m sorry. That was out of line. But Chris, what happens? If you turn down the Charlotte job? You would just stay here?”

“Sure.” He shrugged. “I like this town. I won’t miss Florida in the spring, I’ll tell you that.”

“This isn’t a joke. This is serious.” A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away on her palm. She hated herself for crying. She hated herself for caring about the team, and what people expected of her. She hated that she was actively trying to talk him out of being with her when it seemed like the one thing that would make her life incredibly happy. “If you stay here, you can’t stay with the organization. And we can’t have a public relationship. We couldn’t have a relationship at all. It would be unethical.”

“No, it would be unethical if you gave me preferential treatment. You’re not even willing to give me a job.” He laughed a little, then grew quickly serious again. “Maggie, I’m tired of pretending any of this bullshit matters. I don’t care if I never play another game. When I’m asking you to give me a reason to stay, I’m not asking for a job. I’m asking for you.”

Her tears spilled freely now. “And what are you going to do? Open a sports bar? This isn’t Cheers. You’re not going to be happy unless you’re involved in some way. I don’t want to be the woman who destroys your life.”

“I don’t want that either. But I don’t see myself having any kind of life in Charlotte, without you. And I obviously can’t ask you to walk away from the team.” He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I think if stay here, we’ll have something together. But I can’t take the risk without knowing you’d give it a shot.”

“I should say no.” She looked down, her laugh shaky. Here was a guy who was so good for her, in so many ways, and all she wanted was to run.

“Why should you?” He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand, and she pulled away.

“What if it gets out that we’re dating? Do you know what that kind of scandal will look like? My family would be so disappointed in me.” She choked back her tears because it didn’t do any good to cry over milk you haven’t spilled. “I could ruin dad’s entire image. I would ruin yours.”

“Maggie, honey…” Chris shook his head, then slid from his chair to kneel beside hers. He took both her hands in his and squeezed. “You don’t want to be the woman who ruins my life. Why would you think I’d want to be the guy who ruins yours? We can be discreet. This isn’t like Jennifer Lopez marrying A-Rod. Nobody cares that much about either of us. We just have to use our heads.”

“Can you just promise me that it will be okay?” she asked pathetically, knowing what his answer would be. What any smart person’s answer would be.

“No, I can’t promise you it will be okay. I can’t even promise that we’re going to live happily ever after. But I can promise that nothing is going to happen if we don’t try.” He looked up at her, his face heartbreakingly honest. Maggie had the feeling he didn’t find himself in this position often. “I started falling in love with you in the batting cage that night. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but there it is. And I haven’t stopped falling for you. I’m willing to sneak around, if that’s what it takes, until October. Or next October. Or October ten years from now. I want this for us. I just have to know that you want it, too.”