Stronger than Yearning

‘I’m sorry to be so difficult to please.’ She made the apology in a stilted voice.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ James sounded quite relaxed and unworried. ‘If anything, it’s my fault, I should have given you more warning.’ He glanced at his watch and then indicated a wine bar a short distance away. ‘Would a quick lunch here be okay with you? I’m afraid I don’t have much time left.’

‘Fine.’

They were lucky enough to find a double booth which was quite private. James had behaved so well over her reluctance to select a ring that Jenna was feeling almost guilty.

‘Will that fierce feminine pride of yours object if I tell you that I’ve made arrangements for us to visit my godmother this weekend?’ he questioned once they had their food. ‘I would have consulted you first, but when I rang this morning Maggie said you were busy. My godmother is getting on in years—she was very good to me when my mother first died and I know she would be hurt if I let her find out about us through the press. I also wanted to ask her if she would have Sarah while we’re away. She doesn’t live too far away from Lucy’s school, so if we can get all the arrangements for the wedding fixed up by the weekend, I thought we might possibly take Lucy out of school on Saturday afternoon, so that she can meet my godmother, and we can tell her about the arrangements for the wedding.’

It all sounded so reasonable that Jenna felt she could hardly object.

‘The surveyor rang this morning and confirmed that there’s no real structural work necessary on the Hall,’ she told James when she had signified her agreement. ‘I had thought of going up there this week to earmark living accommodation for us while the contractors are working on the Georgian wing. What exactly will you need?’

‘A bedroom, of course…’ He glanced wryly at her. ‘I am assuming that I won’t be sharing yours, but if I could make the suggestion that they at least adjoin in some way so that it doesn’t give rise to too much speculation?’ Without waiting for her agreement he went on, ‘A sitting-room-cum-office…’

‘And somewhere for your computers, I expect.’

‘Well, I was thinking one of the cellars could quite easily be converted into a computer room. I had a look at them the last time we were there and they seem perfectly dry. I’ll need to go up there and have another look, but I can’t fit that in this week. Maybe next. Sarah will need a ground-floor bedroom, if that can be organised, and I think it might be a good idea if we had some sort of communal sitting-room—Lucy will expect to come home for the odd weekend, and for both hers and Sarah’s sake, I want to give our relationship as normal an air as possible.’

Jenna could not see any problems with the accommodation requirements he was outlining—they were very much in line with her own thoughts on the subject. There was a very old-fashioned kitchen in the older wing which Sir Alan’s staff had obviously used, and a small breakfast-room off it. They could not move into the rooms in their present state, but Jenna believed with a little money and a lot of imagination she could turn what were at present very drab and offputting rooms into warm and pleasant living accommodation. In fact, she could already feel herself responding to the challenge of doing so, and with a small start she realised that this was the first time she had actually anticipated with pleasure the thought of designing a background for a family unit which included

herself. Forgetting her animosity towards James, she burst out impulsively, ‘There are several large cellars, maybe one of them could be converted into some sort of gym area for Sarah to help her exercise her legs?’

‘Good idea. In fact I’d already wondered about having an indoor pool built—a properly organised exercise room off it might not be a bad idea. When I’m in London I try to visit my gym twice a week at least.’

He saw her expression and said coolly, ‘No, not out of vanity, I assure you. I happen to believe that it is the responsibility of every individual to maintain their own health and fitness…a certain amount of exercise is necessary to do that. No doubt in man’s cavemen days he got enough exercise to keep his body in good condition simply trying to exist; these days it’s rather different. Like most businessmen I tend to exercise my brain at the expense of my body, so I find a bi-weekly workout of double benefit—as well as keeping me physically fit, it helps to get rid of any aggression too. You should try it,’ he added suavely.

Jenna fought down an urge to make a snappy retort and said equably instead, ‘You don’t have to convert me, I already agree with everything you’ve said.’ She made a wry face. ‘I try to get to a gym twice a week or so myself, but like all good intentions…’

Her mind tracked back to the Hall. ‘I agree with what you say about a pool, but mightn’t it be rather difficult for Sarah to reach a separate pool and gym area in her wheelchair, especially once we get into winter?’

She wasn’t sure what he planned but suspected he was talking about building a self-contained pool and exercise unit somewhere in the grounds. To her surprise, he shook his head and explained.

‘What I’d got in mind was to have a conservatory built on to the house at the back of the Georgian wing—something along the lines of the traditional orangeries that were so fashionable at that time. The pool would be sunk into the floor of the conservatory: the warmth of the water and the moisture from it would make it an ideal place to grow semi-tropical creepers and the like. I think it would make a very attractive spot to relax in on a cold, wintry day.’

Jenna could only agree with him, a picture of the pool house conservatory already unfolding in her mind’s eye. It would have a traditional black and white tiled floor, and white cane furniture, perhaps with green and white patterned cotton covers.

‘Come back!’ James mocked lightly, indicating her as yet untouched glass of wine. ‘I suppose I should be flattered that you find my idea so appealing. In the meantime, I agree with you that it would be a good idea to provide a small gym area for Sarah.’ He frowned, and pushed his plate away. ‘I’m concerned about her, Jenna. She ought to be making at least some recovery by now. The doctors assure me that there’s nothing physically wrong with her. I know how she feels about her parent’s death but to keep on punishing herself because of it…’

‘Perhaps it isn’t herself she’s punishing,’ Jenna said, ‘but you.’

James looked at her blankly and then comprehension darkened his eyes with pain. ‘Of course…yes…that makes much more sense,’ he said wryly. ‘I wonder why I didn’t think of it first.’

‘You’re probably standing too close to the situation to see it as clearly as someone on the outside. You know that Sarah feels that you disliked her mother?’

‘Yes.’ He was silent for a moment and then said curtly. ‘The whole situation is extremely complicated, I can’t——’ He broke off as a man walked past their table and then did a double-take.

‘Well, well!’ Shrewd blue eyes went from Jenna to James and then back again. ‘What have we here? Two lovebirds, perhaps, hatching a little secret?’

Jenna recognised him now, a well-known gossip columnist. She heard James swear under his breath and then he said coolly, ‘You may as well be the first to know, Lyons. Jenna and I are getting married at the end of this month.’

As she listened to him saying the words, Jenna knew that now there was no escape. A tight feeling of panic coiled up inside her, and then, unbelievably, it started to ebb away as James touched her hand. She blinked, totally unable to believe that his touch could have relaxed and reassured her to such an extent.

‘Come on, it’s time we left,’ he told her, helping her to her feet, and into her jacket.

For the first time she did not flinch beneath his touch, saying only as he guided her towards the exit, ‘But what about your godmother?’

‘I told her we were getting engaged, but what I said about wanting you to meet her still stands.’ He paused, frowned and then added, ‘I was hoping you would agree to our marriage taking place in her village church—it can be arranged, I’ve already checked.’