Loving

‘Mary’s the one you should thank,’ Sapphire told him, turning away and busying herself filling the kettle. She wanted to scream at him that she didn’t want to know the details about his relationship with Miranda or about his physical hunger for her. Was that why he had made love to her so intensely yesterday? In anticipation of holding Miranda in his arms? The thought made her feel physically sick, but what was even more shocking was the knowledge that she could feel so strongly and primitively about a man for whom she had already told herself she felt only the echoes of an old physical desire.

‘Is something wrong?’

She could feel him approaching and tensed. ‘No, nothing.’ She couldn’t bear him to come anywhere near her right now, not when her far too active mind was picturing him with Miranda, kissing and caressing her. The handle of the mug she had been holding in her hand snapped under the intensity of her grip, the mug falling to the floor where it shattered into fragments.

‘No … don’t. Leave it.’ Her voice was sharper than she had intended, almost shrill in its intensity and she prayed that Blake wouldn’t recognise the near hysteria edging up under it. ‘You haven’t got anything on your feet,’ she added weakly. ‘You go and have your bath and I’ll clean it up. Are you hungry now, or can you wait an hour or so?’

‘I can wait.’ He too sounded clipped and terse, but Sapphire couldn’t look at him to read the reason in his expression. Instead she waited until she heard the door close behind him and then carefully skirting the broken china went to get a brush and pan to clear up the mess.

She was putting the Beef Wellington into the oven when she heard Blake call out something from upstairs. Reacting without thinking Sapphire hurried up them, coming to an abrupt halt outside his bedroom door, wondering whether to knock or simply walk in. The dilemma was solved for her as Blake pulled the door open. He had taken off his sweater and shirt, and his skin gleamed silky bronze beneath the electric light. Her breathing, which hadn’t been in the slightest affected by her dash upstairs, now suddenly constricted, her heart thudding heavily its beats reverberating through her body.

‘I’ve scraped my back against a wall. I think the skin’s broken.’ Blake turned his back to her as he spoke and Sapphire saw the patch of broken skin, slightly swollen and discoloured with dried blood.

Farm accidents no matter how minor always had to be properly attended to; that was one of the first rules Sapphire had ever learned and she knew better than to accuse Blake of being too fussy in wanting the graze attended to. Neither would he be able to deal with it himself, positioned as it was just below his shoulder blade.

‘I’ll go and get some antiseptic and cotton wool. Your tetanus shots are up to date I hope?’

‘Do you?’ Blake grimaced sardonically, flexing his shoulder as he moved away from her, as though the muscles pained him. ‘Funny, I had the distinct impression you’d like nothing better than to see me suffer.’

‘Don’t.’ Sapphire whispered the protest, her face paper white, remembering the stories Tam had told her as a child about farm workers who had died from the dreaded ‘lockjaw’. Fortunately, with his back to her Blake couldn’t see her betraying expression, nor question her as to why she should feel such concern for someone she purportedly hated.

Why did she? She was forced to ask herself the question as she hurried into the bathroom for antiseptic and cotton-wool. There was nothing personal in her concern, she assured herself, she would have reacted the same way no matter who was involved. But she would not have reacted so intensely to the sight of anyone else’s half-naked body; she would not have wanted to stretch out and touch the bronz

e skin and hard muscles, excitement gripping her by the throat as she visualised that same body … No … she was over all that. She no longer loved Blake, but for some reason her senses were playing cruel tricks on her, tormenting her with mental images of herself in Blake’s arms; of Blake making love to her with all the fierce passion she suspected lay beneath his sardonic exterior.

Fool, fool, she berated herself as she hurried back to the stark, functional bedroom Blake had chosen for his own occupation. As she walked in she noticed that the bed looked untidy and rumpled. When she had dealt with Blake’s wound she would change the sheets and tidy up a bit. Very wifely, the inner cynical voice she had come to dread mocked her, but it won’t make him want you. I don’t want him to want me. The denial seemed to reverberate inside her skull, and then as though it knew how paper-frail it was that other voice taunted softly, Liar.

‘Sapphire?’ Blake’s curt voice cut across her thoughts. ‘Are you all right?’ He was frowning, his eyes sharpening to vivid gold as they searched her face.

‘I’m not going to faint at the sight of a drop of your precious blood if that’s what you think,’ Sapphire responded tartly, adding with a calm she was far from feeling. ‘While you’re having your bath I’ll change the bed for you. You’d better sit down on it, otherwise I’ll never be able to reach the graze.’

‘If you just clean it up for now,’ Blake suggested, ‘that should do the trick.’

‘It will need a dressing on it,’ Sapphire protested.

‘Which will get soaked through the moment I get in the bath.’

‘Then I’ll put it on when you’ve finished,’ Sapphire told him tartly, complaining, ‘Honestly Blake, I never thought you of all people would be so irresponsible.’

‘Perhaps I’m just testing to see exactly how deep your hatred of me really is,’ Blake taunted back.

Sapphire compressed her lips. ‘I’m not a child any more, Blake,’ she reminded him. ‘No matter what my personal feelings for you are, I wouldn’t want to see you take the risk of getting a bad infection through a neglected skin wound.’

‘Which doesn’t really answer my question does it?’

‘Sit down,’ Sapphire instructed, ignoring his probing comment. ‘This will sting,’ she warned him as he sat down on the edge of the bed with his back to her. His skin looked so warm and inviting that it took all the self-control she possessed not to reach out and caress it.

‘And won’t you just enjoy it,’ Blake muttered under his breath, tensing slightly as Sapphire applied the antiseptic soaked pad to his skin, gently cleaning the graze, until the blood flowed cleanly from it.

She let it flow for a few seconds, and then quickly stemmed it with fresh antiseptic, hiding a faint smile as Blake winced.

‘Give me a shout when you’re ready,’ she told him when she had finished, ‘and I’ll come up and put a dressing on it for you. It should start to heal by morning.’

‘Yes, nurse,’ Blake mocked, getting up off the bed and momentarily making her feel at a distinct disadvantage as he towered over her. ‘Taking a risk aren’t you?’ he drawled, watching her. For a moment Sapphire thought he meant the temptation she had exposed herself to in being so close to him, and her face flamed until he added softly, ‘Isn’t it a well known fact that patients always fall for their nurses?’

‘In that case I think I’m pretty safe,’ Sapphire responded, struggling to appear calmly unconcerned. ‘After all I already know how you feel about me, don’t I?’

Blake walked out without responding, and when she heard the bathroom door close behind him Sapphire got up and went to the large, old-fashioned airing cupboard situated on the landing to get clean sheets for his bed.

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