Starting Over

'HURRY UP, girls. We've got to lea

ve for school in five minutes,' Olivia reminded her daughters.

'Where's Ally?' she asked as she realised that the dog wasn't in the kitchen.

Without waiting for a reply she went to the back door and opened it calling the dog's name and then groaning in dismay as Ally came bounding happily towards her and she both saw and smelled just what the retriever had been doing. Sneaking into the field and rolling in cow manure was one of the most blissful and forbidden pleasures in Ally's life and the moment she saw Olivia's expression the retriever's waving tail dropped and she changed course, going straight to where the hose pipe was attached to an outside tap.

'Oh, Ally,' Olivia reproached her helplessly as she followed her and started to hose her down.

Five minutes later a chastened dog was standing in the laundry room whilst Olivia reached for one of her towels to rub her dry. As she grabbed the towel Olivia saw Caspar's fishing basket. The Barbour he wore when he walked Ally and went fishing was hanging just above it. A feeling of intense sadness and loneli-ness overwhelmed Olivia. Absently she reached out and touched the Barbour, a mist of emotion hazing her eyes. They had bought this jacket together, Caspar protesting that it was far too British for him and Olivia insisting that it suited him. They had almost not made it to the shop, one of the few remaining traditional stores in Haslewich which still had a half-day closing.

A rare day off together had led to them staying in bed much later than usual—'Olivia had woken up to find Caspar teasing her by tickling her skin with a small feather that had escaped from the duvet. She had reached out to grab it off him so that she could retal-iate in kind and then play fight which had inevitably led to them making love.

Afterwards Caspar had gone downstairs to return with tea and toast and then... The shimmer in Oh via's eyes became an aching blur as she remembered the slow sweetness of the second lovemaking which had followed the first. They had been so much in love then, their lives together so filled with that love. Where had it gone? When had it gone?

'Mummy, we're going to be late for school,' Amelia called out from the kitchen.

Angry with herself, Olivia banished her foolishly weakening memories giving Ally a brisk rub and an even brisker caution not to repeat her offence. Her

'daily' would let the dog out when she came in later in the morning and as Ally tried to give her a remorse-ful lick Olivia chided her sternly, 'No, it's no use trying to get round me now.' But nevertheless she gave the retriever a forgiving pat before heading back to the kitchen where the girls were waiting for her.

There was no way now that she was going to have time to go and see Jenny, she acknowledged as they all hurried out to her car; and deep down inside Olivia knew that a part of her was relieved to be able to put her ordeal off.

Saul would never know just how tempted she had been to give in and weakly allow him to act as her go-between.

As she drove towards the girls' school, she wondered how Maddy was and offered up a small mental prayer for her cousin-in-law's swift recovery.

JACK FROWNED as he watched his aunt rushing round the kitchen. His uncle Jon had already left for work and Jenny had explained to Jack that she was going to Queensmead and that she didn't know when she would be back.

As he watched her Jack asked her uncertainly, 'Aunt Jenny, is everything all right with you and Uncle Jon?'

Jenny, who had been searching for her car keys, turned round to look at him.

'Of course it is,' she said. 'What on earth makes you ask such a question?' she demanded, but in her heart of hearts Jenny already knew.

What did surprise and disturb her, though, was that Jack had somehow picked up on the tension between her and Jon.

'Nothing,' Jack shrugged, looking both awkward and slightly embarrassed. His aunt was normally so concerned for her husband's welfare, so happily at one with him and he with her and Jack had immediately been aware of the small prickle of discord between them.

'Nothing's wrong,' Jenny reiterated more firmly.

'We're just both a bit on edge because we're worrying about Maddy...and not just about Maddy,' she added pointedly.

Her own increasing sense of anger and resentment towards Jon was something she herself couldn't explain. Trying to do so just made her feel even more guilty and angry and right now she didn't have time for the self-indulgence of such emotions. Part of the cause was Jon's growing relationship with his brother, of course. The new closeness growing between them made Jenny feel vulnerable and afraid; but these were feelings she didn't want to explore too closely, feelings she didn't have time to explore, she defended herself as she finally located her keys and picked them up.

By rights one of them ought to be sitting down with Jack and finding out more about this quarrel he had had with Annalise. By rights she ought to be on her way to see Olivia right now... By rights Jon ought to be playing a far more supportive role in their family traumas instead of escaping from them to spend his time with David.

AFTER HIS AUNT had left, Jack picked up the local paper and anxiously turned the pages until he found the Jobs Vacant columns. He had hoped to be able to borrow his aunt's car so that he could drive Annalise somewhere where they could talk more privately together. She was plainly terrified of telling her father what had happened, but sooner or later they were going to have to tell him and his own family as well.

Wildly Jack wondered if it would be possible for them somehow to live on his grant if he could supplement it with a part-time job. Both of them and a baby as well? He clenched his hands in despair.

'You CAN SEE your wife now, Mr Crighton.'

White-faced with tension, Max hurried towards the door of Maddy's room. He had hardly been able to believe it when he had arrived at the hospital to be greeted by the news that Maddy's condition was showing a small improvement.

'A very small improvement,' the consultant had warned Max, his face relaxing into an unexpected smile as he added, 'Your wife is an extraordinary woman. She told me that if it will help her baby she's prepared to lie without moving a muscle for the re-mainder of her pregnancy, but hopefully that should not be necessary. If her blood pressure continues to improve we could be talking about allowing her to return home just so long as she continues to rest.'

Max had said nothing. The grim trauma of his nightmare still hung over him like a black pall.

MADDY WAS LYING in the middle of her narrow hospital bed, her pale face framed by her hair, her eyes luminous with love and understanding as she looked at Max.

He forced himself to smile as he reached for the hand she was holding out to him. In the few short days she had been in hospital it seemed to him that her already delicate bone structure had become even more fragile. He could circle her wrist so easily, her veins darkly blue beneath the whiteness of her skin. Almost clumsily he kissed the inside of her wrist, a give-away gesture if he had but known it, for Max was never clumsy and that he should be so now told Maddy just how concerned and upset he had to be.

Her heart and the baby lying underneath it gave a nervous little flutter. If Max was concerned... But the doctor had assured her that her blood pressure was coming down.

'How are things at home?' she asked him.

'Fine,' Max told her and she could see that he meant it. 'The kids are missing you, of course....'

'Mr Lewis said that if my blood pressure continues to come down I can see them later,' Maddy told him with a beaming smile. 'Try not to worry,' she begged him softly, 'It makes me feel so guilty....'

Max couldn't bear to look at her. He was the one with the burden of guilt.

'Poor baby,' Maddy crooned now patting her stomach, 'He or she isn't having a very good time.'

Max's guilt increased. He couldn't bring himself to look at Maddy's stomach. For her sake he would have been prepared to sanction the termination of the new life she was carrying had he been permitted to do so, but he knew that Maddy herself would never have willingly countenanced such a course of action.

'I'd better go before the

nurse comes in and throws me out,' Max told her gruffly. 'The doctor warned me that I could only have a few minutes with you.'

Maddy frowned uncertainly as he lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss into her palm. She felt as though he were keeping something from her, as though he were keeping himself from her, she recognised. But the anguish and the love she could see in his eyes as he turned to leave her were real enough.

As he walked towards the door, Max had to fight not to turn back and tell her how afraid he was of losing her and how haunted he now felt by his feelings towards their coming child. He felt as though his guilt would never leave him.

'I'M SORRY,' Sara apologised automatically as she pushed open the bookshop door, realising too late that someone was about to walk in, her expression changing as she recognised that that 'someone' was Nick.

'Oh,' she began stiffly, immediately starting to turn away, her body registering both her shock and her determination to distance herself from him.

She hadn't seen him since their meeting on the river path. Not that she had wanted to see him. She hadn't wanted to think about him, either, or to continually almost obsessively dwell on the way he was making her feel, she reminded herself ironically, but that hadn't stopped her from doing so.

'Sara.'

An outside observer, hearing that charged, almost passionate, note in Nick's voice could quite easily have got totally the wrong idea, Sara decided grimly as she fought not to allow herself to react to it. Behind her someone tot-tutted as they had to circle round them to get into the shop but neither Sara nor Nick were aware of their disgruntlement.

She had the most beautiful skin Nick had ever seen.

He ached to reach out and touch it, to touch her. Her hair, thick and vibrant, hung sleekly to her shoulders.

She was wearing a long camel-coloured coat; cash-mere he suspected, over plain black trousers and a fitted black top. She smelled of fresh air and a subtle delicate perfume that made him want to move closer to her.