Sugar

His weight dropped to the bed, and I removed my hand, nestling alongside him and smiling against his ribs. A few nights ago, he flipped out when I touched him there. Now, he was practically begging for it and coming on command.

Somehow, we figured out a way to both get exactly what we wanted. And while I’d had previous lovers who allowed me to play to my proclivities’ delight, this was the first time I felt this sort of intimacy with a man.

I … liked it. I could even come to … love it. Be still my cold, twisted heart. Be still.

31

Avery

I definitely had a boyfriend.

Sort of.

Maybe.

Every day that I got home from class, there was a surprise waiting at my door. Sometimes it was something as sweet as a single, long stem rose, but other times it was something clever, like the copy of the Kama Sutra with highlighted passages and notes telling me to pencil him into my schedule and to stretch.

My favorite surprise was a burned CD. Inside the case, he drew a picture of a house with two hearts. In marker, the CD simply said, PLAY ME.

I popped it into my laptop and smiled as Harry Styles Sweet Creature played. It immediately became my favorite song. Our song.

I loved the lyrics. Two hearts in one home, arguing and making it hard. Being drawn to a place by another person…

Every day I left campus, my steps quickened at the thought of Noah. My apartment no longer seemed like a place I leased. It felt like a home. It was a strange notion, being that even Blackwater hadn’t felt like more than a shelter after a lifetime of living there. Blackwater would always be a mistake I’d been born into. It would never be my home.

At night, before my appointments, we’d share a quick meal, usually at his place because I didn’t cook. Then, as soon as I wrapped up with my clients, he was there, carrying me to his bed or mine.

There was no balance, no structure. There was no decided bottom or a top. It was whatever it had to be in that moment, whatever one of us needed. And whoever needed it most usually got their way. Strangely, that seemed to work for us.

It had only been a week since the tension broke and we could be ourselves without wanting to freak out on the other, but it was an incredible week, the sort of week that made you lose sight of reality and wonder if you ever had to live in the real world again.

I wanted to stay tucked away in our cozy world forever, where the snow kept us in, and Winston kept others out. But life still found a way to intrude.

My mother was out of money again, and that meant my phone was ringing nonstop. When I finally got back to her, she was impatient for an excuse as to why I’d been avoiding her.

“I’ve been busy, Mom.”

“Do you think I was born under the stupid tree, Avery Dean? You’re shirkin’ your responsibilities and I ain’t had heat since the boiler went last Tuesday.”

“Did you have someone come look at it? Maybe you’re just out of fuel.”

“It ain’t the fuel. I had a man out yesterday. He says the whole thing’s shot and I need a new one.”

“How much does that cost?”

“Two grand.”

“What? Mom, I don’t have that kind of money. I just paid my tuition, and I need to save for student teaching.”

“School before family?”

“It’s my internship. I have a commute now, and I need a ton of supplies, including an iPad—”

“Oh, well, don’t let my need for heat and hot water get in the way of your fancy techy needs.”

“These are requirements. I can’t help what they tell me to get.”

“Avery Dean, you figure out a way to get me that money before my toes fall off and my hair catches a squirrel because it’s so filthy. Or so help me Jesus, I’ll take a bus to Philadelphia and come stay with you until the weather breaks.”

“No, don’t do that.” My mother absolutely could not come here. “I’ll figure out a way to get the money. I just need a few days. I’ll get it.”

“I can’t go another week like this, Avery. I’m lucky the pipes haven’t burst.”

“I’ll figure something out.”

After the conversation with my mother, I was so distracted I could barely focus on my studies. I was supposed to be writing up my first lesson plans and researching the staff at the school so I’d remember everyone’s names, but I was consumed by anxious worry that my mother might show up on my doorstep uninvited.

I wasn’t a terrible person. But my mother had a way of making everything about her and nothing about me. If she came here…