Buttons and Lace (Buttons 1)

“Do you want to talk about it?” I forgot about the strange man who came by the apartment in light of Jacob’s bad mood. It didn’t seem important anymore. And to bring it up would be insensitive.

He didn’t turn around. His back was to me, his shoulders wide and powerful. Even from behind, he looked like a man who had nothing to believe in. Hopelessness radiated from him in radioactive waves. It affected everything in his vicinity. “No.”

***

A week went by, and Jacob stayed home every day. He didn’t try to look for another job. He sat in front of the TV and drank beer all day long. His lithe build would quickly change into a hanging beer belly if he kept it up.

I was an engineer working for the city. My job was to organize construction in the surrounding areas. Just six months ago, I worked on a project to repair one of the bridges. Most of the time, I worked during the day, but sometimes, I had to go in during the evenings.

When I came home that day, I had to hide my irritation. Jacob turned the apartment into a mess. The sink was full of beer bottles, and the trash can was overflowing. He didn’t acknowledge me when I walked inside.

He never acknowledged me.

“In case you weren’t sure, the sink isn’t a garbage can.” I cleaned up his mess after a long day of work and choked back the harsh words I wanted to say.

“Sorry...I meant to take out the trash.”

I changed the garbage and threw out the old one in the chute at the end of the hallway. When I came back, Jacob still hadn’t gotten up off his ass to greet me. Instead of waiting for that to happen, I opened the fridge and looked for a snack. In labeled Tupperware were meals prepared for Jacob—by his mother.

I really hated her sometimes.

He was perfectly capable of cooking for himself if he had any wish to get off the couch. When he fell on hard times, she enabled him, making him even lazier than he already was.

This had gone on long enough. “Jacob, some strange guy came by the apartment the other day. Said you owed him money or something.”

Jacob didn’t react at all. The only motion he made was a quick shift of his eyes. They turned back to the TV almost immediately, like that information didn’t mean much. “I played poker one night and didn’t have the cash on me.”

“So you paid him?”

“Yeah, I took care of it.”

My intuition told me he was lying. Living on the streets during my youth and having to survive a foster home taught me how to read people with unusual precision. “Because he made it sound like you owed him a lot of money.” The guy was six two and rough. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy Jacob would hang out with.

He sighed while his eyes remained glued to the TV. “I told you I took care of it.”

I placed my hands on my hips as I walked farther into the living room. “Are you telling me everything?”

Jacob sat up straighter, rolling his eyes. “Would you get off my ass? I just lost my job and you’re nagging. I hate it when you nag.” He threw the remote and stormed to the front door.

“I’m not nagging.” I followed him. “I just feel like you aren’t telling me everything.”

He grabbed his jacket and walked out. “I told you everything. You’re the one who’s paranoid.”

***

Weeks went by and nothing changed.

Jacob continued his streak of depression, closing off from reality. He continued to make a mess in the apartment, allowing the dishes in the sink to overflow and the garbage can to reek of leftovers.

Despite my anger, I held my tongue.

We didn’t have sex during that entire time. That put the length of our abstinence up to two months. I wasn’t a sex addict, but I needed to get off on a regular basis. Otherwise, I became grouchy. The fact Jacob didn’t want me just irritated me. We slept in the same bed, but he stuck to his side. I stuck to mine.

When I came home from work one day, something had changed. The apartment was clean, and the TV wasn’t on. Jacob wasn’t parked in front of it with a beer in his hand.

“Jacob?”

He came down the hallway with a bag over his shoulder. “Hey, babe.” He had a smile on his face, the first one I’d seen in forever.

And he called me babe.

He wrapped one arm around me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Whoa, what was going on? “Why are you in such a good mood?”

“I got a job.”

“Oh, that’s great.” Thank fucking god. I was sick of him moping around and getting fat. There was more housework for me to do, and the place quickly became an inhospitable environment. “I’m so happy for you. What job is it?”