Buttons and Lace (Buttons 1)

On the bed was a breakfast tray of scrambled eggs, tomatoes, and slices of bacon. In a small vase sat a red rose, just like the day I arrived there.

He rose to his feet and looked me over, still sympathetic. He didn’t ask me any questions, which was a relief. Concern was in his eyes, like he’d been worried about me all night long.

I didn’t know what to say, so I blurted the first thing that came to mind. “I’m going to shower.” I looked like a wet cat that got stuck in some mud. I smelled like a farm animal.

He nodded.

I walked into the shower and stood under the warm water. Mud filled the drain at the bottom and disappeared through the tiny holes. My hair was caked with it, and my feet were worse.

The door opened, and Crow came in behind me, buck naked and glorious. The water drifted down his hard muscles and powerful thighs. His hair was slicked back from the water, and his facial hair had thickened through the night.

But I didn’t feel anything.

He lathered his hands with soap then rubbed his palms into my skin. He cleaned me with his bare hands, massaging my neck and shoulders to get rid of the grime that had sunk into my pores. He even cleaned my hands, rubbing the dirt from the cracks in my fingernails. He washed me gently, taking his time. His cock never hardened as he touched me. But then again, why would he? I was a dumb and dirty girl standing in the shower.

He washed my hair next, rubbing the grime from the strands. His strong fingers massaged my scalp, giving me the only comfort he could possibly give. He tilted my chin up then cupped my face. There was sorrow in his eyes, the first sign of compassion I’d truly seen on his face. Then he leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. “I will hurt him for hurting you. I promise.”

He was the only person who cared about what happened to me. When men tried to take me, he protected me. When someone even looked at me, he snapped. He gave me a home where I felt safe. He respected me, even treasured me. Despite his darkness, he was the kindest man I’d ever known. “I know.”

***

Crow worked from home all week. He understood I needed my space, but he stayed in the house just in case I changed my mind. He came into my bedroom every few hours to check on me.

I spent most of my time in solitude. I walked through the fields during the day, accompanied by the wind and the grapes. The sun pounded against my shoulders, but the warmth made me feel alive.

I swam in the pool and floated on the surface, letting my buoyancy do all the work. I stared at the sky and tried to fall asleep. I wanted to slip under the water and drown. Death used to terrify me, but now it didn’t. Slipping away into the darkness sounded better than living in a nightmare.

I was sold by a monster to another monster. And then I was snatched by a beast. The world was darker and more formidable than I ever thought possible. Everyone was innately selfish, guided by greed and power. I was just a pawn in the game like all the others. But I happened to be a lucky one. I could have been drugged and placed in a brothel in Mexico. I wouldn’t have known anything about my surroundings until the medication wore off. But then I would be drugged again—and again.

It was a sad thought—to consider myself lucky.

I spent my nights alone in my room. Most of the time, I didn’t sleep. I just stared at the wall and wondered what Jacob was doing in that moment. Had he already moved on with someone else? Did he ever feel guilt for what he’d done to me? Or was he just relieved his debt had been paid?

Did I ever mean anything to him?

Did he force himself to cry when he told everyone what happened? Did he fool everyone into believing he was truly sad for losing me? Had they stopped talking about me? I’d been gone for six months.

That was a long time.

My nights were always full of nightmares. Sometimes they contained Bones. Sometimes they included Jacob. Most of the time, they included both. Jacob was surrounded by mounds of cash while Bones stabbed me with a knife and fucked me at the same time.

I always woke up in a cold sweat.

That night was just like all the others. I sat up in bed, and my eyes immediately went to the vase on the windowsill. Seven buttons sat inside, distantly glowing under the moonlight.

I stared at them and debated what I should do. Crow told me they were the currency we shared. He paid for things he wanted, and I paid for things I wanted.