Buttons and Pain (Buttons 3)

“Button.” Crow’s soft voice came from beside me. “It was just a nightmare. It’s over. You’re here with me and you’re safe.” He didn’t touch me and kept a foot between us. His hands rested by his sides but his eyes longed to touch me. “You’re safe with me.”

The tears were still hot and my body was still shaking. Nightmares came from time to time, but they usually didn’t exist at all when I slept with Crow. It was unexpected, and that just terrified me even more. The sobs wrecked my chest and I tried to stop them before they escalated.

“You’re safe.” Crow repeated his words to bring me back to earth. Instead of telling me to quiet down and gather myself, he was patient with me. He used to prohibit me from crying but not he watched my tears with concern instead of irritation. “I will never let anyone hurt you again, Button. You have my word.”

I finally found the strength to speak. “I know.”

He moved closer to me across the bed and wrapped a powerful arm around my waist. His touch was warm, not cold and calloused like Bones’s. He rested his face against mine then ran his fingers through my hair to soothe me. “You can talk to me.”

The last thing I wanted to do was revisit the nightmare. I wanted it to disappear in the recesses of my mind where I couldn’t visit it ever again. Like it never happened, I want it to go away. “No.” The dream was already painful for me. It would only hurt Crow even more.

“You’re with me now. Remember that.” He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and kissed the corner of my mouth. “He can’t hurt you as long as I’m alive. Do you understand me?”

I nodded.

“Do you understand me?”

I cleared my throat then swallowed my tears. “Yes.”

“Next time you have a bad dream, count back from three. When you’re done, wake up.”

I looked into his eyes and silently asked for further explanation.

“I used to have nightmares,” he whispered. “Counting backwards always works. Trust me.”

“What are your nightmares about?” I shouldn’t ask the question but I did. I wasn’t in the right state of mind. Half of my spirit was still in Bones’s grasp. After I went back to sleep and woke up again I would be back to normal.

Crow massaged the back of my neck with his fingertips. “Vanessa. My parents. The men I’ve killed. The things I’ve seen. Basically, everything I’ve ever witnessed in my lifetime.”

“I’m sorry…” My nightmare was too much, but I could only imagine how bad his were.

“It’s okay. They’ve more infrequent than they used to be.”

“Because you count?”

“No. They’ve slowed down since you came into my life.”

My eyes softened and I finally stopped thinking about my nightmare altogether.

“They’ll go away, Button. Give it enough time and they will. Until then, just count. It always works.”

“Okay.”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead before he rubbed his nose against mine. “Would a walk make you feel better?”

“Outside? But it’s dark.”

“The sun is coming up soon. We can watch the sunrise together.”

His bed was warm and comfortable, and the walls of his estate kept us safe. But there’s nothing I wanted to do more than hold his hand as the sun welcomed us to a new day. “That sounds nice.”

***

“Hey, lovebird.” Cane walked toward me wearing one of his expensive suits. Most of the time he wore jeans and a leather jacket. I wasn’t sure what he needed to dress up for. In his line of work it didn’t seem like professionalism was important.

“Hey, shithead.”

He immediately grinned at the insult like I just paid him a compliment. “You guys have been shacking up nicely.”

Despite what he did to me, I didn’t hate him. Somehow I forgave him for his behavior and actually like him. He was Crow’s only family in the world so it was impossible not to be fond of him. If Crow ever needed help, he would be there in a heartbeat. That was the kind of loyalty you couldn’t buy. “Yes, we have.” I glanced at the top of the stairs and waited for Crow to appear. He and Cane had business together that afternoon.

“This is the moment when I act like an ass and say I told you so.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

“Don’t deny it.” He poked me in the arm. “I was right. You were wrong.”

“About?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I told you he loved you.”

“Well, I did believe you. Remember? I told him how I felt and he walked out of the room. So no, you didn’t tell me so.”

He rolled his eyes. “Crow was being a cunt. That doesn’t count.”

“It does.” I moved all the way back to America for two months. It sure as hell counted.