Buttons and Blame (Buttons 5)

Both of his arms hung by his sides, and he stood in a black suit with a blue tie. He obviously hadn’t been to the base. He was working at his winery down the road. His visit had nothing to do with business. “Not why I’m here.”

“Well, what do you want?”

“Your phone has been off. Started to get worried.”

“I can take care of myself, Crow.” I started to shut the door.

He wedged his foot inside so it would stay propped open. He helped himself inside, walking into my home like he’d been invited. “Never said you couldn’t. But it’s been a while now. Thought you would bounce back.”

“Sorry if I need a little more time,” I snapped. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge even though I wasn’t hungry or thirsty. I felt the cold air rush over me, quieting my anger, before I shut it again.

Crow stood at the counter, wearing an expression of indifference. “I can handle the base. Take as much time as you need.”

“Great. Then you can leave.”

He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “Is there anything I can do for you, Cane? I’m at your disposal day and night.”

“No.” I moved to the other side of the kitchen island and gripped the edge of the counter.

My brother continued to stare me down.

“You can go now.”

“Just talk to me.”

“We don’t talk,” I argued. “We never talk.”

“Things change,” he said. “You were there for me when I went through a hard time with Button. You know I’m always here for you.”

“Well, I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Crow eyed me coldly, calling my bluff without actually saying it.

“What?” I said with a sigh.

“You haven’t been to work. Your phone is off. Not to mention, you look like hell.”

“Nothing has changed, then.”

“Cane,” he said with annoyance. “You’re taking this hard.”

I gripped the edge of the counter and looked at the basket of molding fruit. “How can I not? She’s an incredible woman, and now she’s…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I couldn’t dive into the details. It would only make the nightmare more real. “When I dropped her off…it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to.”

“I can only imagine.”

“You can’t even begin to imagine.” I closed my eyes and wished the pain would stop. I wished I’d never taken Tristan’s offer. Or better yet, I wished Adelina had never gone to Greece in the first place. I wished we’d never met. We both wouldn’t be suffering right now otherwise.

“Does she have the pills?”

I nodded. “I hope she’s taken them already…but I also hope she hasn’t.” I didn’t want her to suffer, but knowing she was a lifeless corpse made me want to hurl all over my kitchen.

“Maybe Tristan found them. Maybe he hasn’t. I think he would call you if she died.”

“Why would he?”

“He’s a paranoid man.”

“It makes the death look natural.”

“She’s twenty-three,” Crow said. “People at that age don’t have heart attacks.”

“Unless they’re under extreme circumstances…”

“I just don’t think she’s dead yet. Tristan would have said something.”

“Maybe.” That made me feel good but also bad.

Crow continued to watch me, wearing his knowing gaze. “How are you doing?”

“I think we covered that pretty well…”

“But you haven’t actually told me anything. I’m your brother. You can talk to me about this.”

“We’ve never been the kind of brothers who talk.”

“But you’ve never been in a situation like this. I know you’re hurting.”

I stepped back and crossed my arms over my chest. “There’s nothing you can do, Crow. There’s nothing anyone can do. I just want to be by myself. I just want to be alone.” I looked out the window, not wanting to look at my brother’s eyes that were identical to my own. “Just go, alright?”

Crow didn’t press the conversation any further. It was futile at this point. “You know where to find me.” He left the kitchen and walked out the front door. I could see him through the front windows. He got into his black car, started the loud engine, and then drove off.

When I was alone again, I didn’t feel any better.

I felt just as bad.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night again.

From a nightmare.

Just as before, I was covered in sweat and stunned. I felt the heat stick to my back as my chest heaved to breathe. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand and realized it was only one in the morning.

I had just gone to sleep an hour ago.

Not only could I not make it through the night, but I couldn’t even make it through some of it.

I went downstairs and made a drink like last night. I sat on the couch, turned on the TV so I had something to distract myself, and spotted the book she’d left behind. She’d been reading it for the past week. It was hardbound and a little dusty. I wasn’t sure where she got it because I didn’t read. It was probably a gift from Pearl.