Buttons and Blame (Buttons 5)

Now that I was face-to-face with him, I didn’t know where to begin.

Crow excused my silence by walking around me and heading up the stairs.

Were these past seven days easier for him than they were for me?

I turned around and followed him, trailing behind him until he reached his bedroom. He stepped inside and unbuttoned his collared shirt, preparing to get in the shower like he usually did right after work.

I stepped inside and shut the door behind me.

He turned around and pulled his tie out of his collar. His shirt was open, revealing a tanned and muscular physique. His chest muscles were thick and hard like concrete. His chiseled stomach disappeared into his waistband, a hint of the V noticeable.

His sexiness didn’t distract me, but seeing him nearly shirtless made me miss him even more. I used to sleep right on his chest every night. Now I was on a completely different floor of this mansion.

Crow didn’t speak, which was normal for him. But right now, it drove me crazy. I wish he would speak his mind so I would know what he was thinking. “Say what you came to say. If not, I’m getting in the shower.”

Fucking asshole. “Has this week been easy for you?”

“No.” He pulled his shirt off and dropped it on the floor.

I actually missed picking up his things.

“But that’s because I’m still as pissed today as I was a week ago.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, refusing to be intimidated by him. “I told you I was trying to help her. I had good intentions.”

“I don’t give a shit what your intentions were. Do you have any idea what would happen to me if you were taken?”

“But I wasn’t—”

“My entire life would have ended.” He took a step toward me, his dark eyes burning me like hot coals. “Everything I worked toward would be nothing. I’d have to kill Tristan and all of his men in retaliation. It would probably claim my life in the process. Cane’s too. And even if it didn’t, I would be haunted by the cruel and sick things they were doing to you. I’d have to suffer every single day until I got you back. And even if I did get you back, I still would have suffered. Just because Bones is dead doesn’t mean my nightmares have stopped.” It was the first time he had said that name to me since he was killed, no longer cushioning my feelings. “Sometimes I can’t breathe, Pearl. Sometimes I think about what he did to you, and my chest caves in.” He moved even closer to me, Crow’s frame making me step back. “I don’t show this side of me when you’re around. I take a drive to the countryside, suffering in my own captivity because I know you can’t help me. It’ll only make you feel just as terrible as I do.”

Moisture built up in my eyes, but I refused to let it turn to tears.

“And then I think about Vanessa… I couldn’t save her.” He pointed to my chest. “But I saved you. You fixed the hole she left behind. You make me feel sane, make me feel whole. Despite the burden of your past, you make me complete. And if I lost that…I would have nothing left. This house is nothing without having you to share it with. My life is nothing without having you to share it with. So when will you understand, Pearl?”

My eyes shifted back and forth as I looked into his.

“You took a knife and stabbed me with it. You ripped my heart out of my chest and stepped on it. You disrespected me, humiliated me. You risked the one thing that I can’t live without. All I want is to keep you safe and protect you. But you spit on that every single chance you get. Don’t apologize to me because there will be no forgiveness, Pearl. Not this time.”

“I wasn’t apologizing…”

His eyes narrowed in the fiercest glare I’d ever seen. “Think carefully before you speak, Pearl. Very carefully…”

“I was trying to save her.”

“And you risked my life to do it.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“You risked your life, which is the same as mine,” he hissed. “We are one person, Pearl.” He held up one finger as he looked at me. “You told me this was important to you, so I tried to figure out a way to make this work. But there was no solution. You act like I didn’t try.”

“I know you tried…but I wanted to try harder.”

“This woman is a stranger. You risked our entire lives for this person you don’t even know.”

“She’s not a stranger. She’s a human being.”

He stepped back and sighed, trying to control his anger. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes looked frightening. “So we’re equal, then? Your husband and some stranger have equal value to you?”