Buttons and Grace (Buttons 6)

“I know the trauma is supposed to hit me now that it’s over, but I’m just so relieved to be free. Right now, I feel good. I feel lucky. The only thing that really hurts is Lizzie. I wish she were here with me now…”

“I’m sorry, Adelina. I wish we could have saved your friend.”

“Me too. But Cane told me she would be happy that I escaped. I know he’s right…”

“He is right. When I was free from Bones and in Crow’s captivity, I never had a breakdown. I never had that moment where everything came crashing down. I think being with Crow was therapy for me. He told me I wasn’t a victim, but a survivor. He said he never saw me as a woman who was raped. He never thought about any man before him because he erased them. I guess he gave me a clean start…wouldn’t let me feel sorry for myself.”

Cane did the same thing to me.

“I know they’ve both been through a lot, and that’s made them into the strong men they are today. I guess they expect us to be the same way.”

“Not a bad way to live.” I could sit around and feel sorry for myself, or I could be grateful I got to feel the sunlight on my face again.

Pearl grabbed the small rosebush and placed it in the ground where the dead plant had been before. She used her hands to compact the dirt into place, not pushing down too hard so water could still drip through. “Cane mentioned your conversation…”

I was surprised he’d told her. It seemed like something he might mention to his brother, but not to anyone else.

She smoothed out the surface then turned to me. “He wouldn’t want me to tell you this, but he was pretty hurt by it.”

“I know.”

“I guess he was expecting a different response from you.” She sat back on her knees and looked at me. There wasn’t disappointment or accusation in the look. She wasn’t judgmental like someone else might be. “You had nothing but good things to say about him, so I guess I’m surprised too.”

“Because I think he’s a good man. Of course I have nothing but nice things to say about him.”

“It seemed like more than that.”

“It is more than that,” I whispered. “Cane is important to me. When he went to save Crow, I was worried about him the entire time. He’s the reason I haven’t lost my sanity. Ever since I came into his home, he’s made me feel like a person and not a piece of property. I don’t see him as just a friend because I like being with him. But, love…? I don’t know about that. I’ve never loved a man before, but I imagined it would be very different from this.”

She got comfortable on the blanket and pulled off her gardening gloves. “How so?”

“I didn’t have any experience before Tristan took me. I’d always been waiting for the right guy. I’d seen all my friends date jerks and get their hearts broken. I didn’t want to deal with all of that. I wanted to find the one and just be happy. So I figured I would meet him at work or in a coffee shop…he’d ask me on a date to the movies or something. It would be simple but spectacular. With Cane…it’s been nothing like that. He accepted me as a loan from another criminal he was doing business with. If I didn’t sleep with him, he was going to return me to Tristan. It’s not how I imagined falling in love.”

Pearl watched me closely, her eyes hiding her opinion. “Nothing ever goes the way we plan, Adelina.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t expect to fall in love with Crow. For a long time, I viewed him as a barbaric criminal. The only reason I considered myself lucky to be with him was because he wasn’t cruel like the other men I’d met. But as time passed, I realized he was the best person for me. The terms we met under weren’t great. Our relationship didn’t start off with a coffee date. But if I’d returned to America permanently and found someone else, they never would have been able to give me what I needed. I fell in love with Crow because I was meant to fall in love with him. Our relationship isn’t perfect—but it works for us.”

I could feel her love for him when she spoke. There was no doubt in her mind that she’d made the right decision. She left behind her entire life in America to live in Tuscany with a man who once owned her.

“I think your feelings for Cane are stronger than you realize. Maybe you just need a little more time to figure it out.”

“Maybe…but he’s angry with me.”