Buttons and Grace (Buttons 6)

“That’s cute too,” he said. “You know I don’t like to be more than five miles away from Crow at any given time…even though I don’t admit it.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I figured that out.”

He fell quiet, staying on the phone in silence.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m sitting on the couch.”

“Where?”

“In our bedroom.” He sighed when he realized the error of his words. “My bedroom…”

I felt his pain seep through the phone. I could feel his misery surround me. I used to sleep in this bed every single night, but now I couldn’t sleep well without him beside me. The mattress felt foreign. “I haven’t been sleeping well. It’s not the same without you.”

“No, it’s not,” he whispered.

“Are you looking at the fireplace?”

“Yeah.”

“What time is it there?”

“Early.”

“Are you going to the winery?”

“No.” He didn’t elaborate, like he didn’t want to share any aspect of his life. “How are things there? I’ve seen you on the news a lot.”

“You’ve been watching?”

“Yeah. You look beautiful in that red top, by the way.”

“Thanks…” It was one of the first things Cane had bought for me. “It’s been chaotic lately. I’m sure, in another week, everyone will move on to the next news cycle. I told Lizzie’s parents…they were heartbroken.”

“It must have killed them, but now they know what happened. They can make their peace with it.”

“Yeah…”

“Your parents seem happy.”

“They’re…” There were no words. “I can tell it’s been hard for them.”

“I can only imagine. I only knew you for a few months, and I fell head over heels… Imagine how they feel when they’ve known you since the day you were born.”

Every time he said those sweet things, I wanted to get on a plane and head back to him.

“What’s next for you?” he asked. “Are you going to keep living there?”

“No, after living with you, it hasn’t been easy going back to this. I’m gonna find an apartment soon. I just want to give my parents a little more time to have me in the house.”

“You should be able to buy a nice house with the money I gave you. A good investment.”

“Yeah…I’ll think about it.” I didn’t want to buy anything when I didn’t know where I would be living. I wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to settle down. “I need to complete another year of school before I can start teaching. I have to focus on that.”

“You still want to be a teacher, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I think you’ll be great at it. The kids will love you.”

Talking to him was the easiest thing in the world. It was natural and so smooth. Talking to everyone else was jarring and painful. I didn’t have to talk about Tristan with Cane. We could talk about so many other things because he didn’t see me as some woman who was raped. He saw me as a person, along with all of my other qualities. “How are Pearl and Crow?”

“Crow is getting a lot better. He went for a run the other day and said he felt good.”

“That’s great.”

“Pearl has been having some morning sickness. But she says it’s not so bad.”

“That’s nice… Do they have names picked out?”

“Not that I know of,” he said.

“What do you think they’ll have?”

“A boy.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “Why do you think that?”

“My father was one of five brothers. My parents had two boys. I just think we’re a boy kinda family.”

“Are you excited?”

“I’m very excited to be an uncle. I’m gonna piss off Crow by giving them candy, caffeine, and booze.”

I chuckled, keeping my voice down so my parents wouldn’t hear me. “He’s gonna kill you.”

“He’s tried before, and it’s never worked. I’m not scared.”

“Well, I’m scared for you.”

“Pearl will protect me. She tends to do that.”

“You’re lucky.”

Once we ran out of things to say, we sat on the phone in silence. I couldn’t hear anything on his end, and I wondered what the weather was like. Was it a sunny day? Was it rainy? Were his boxers on the floor where he always left them?

“I should let you go, Bellissima,” he whispered. “It’s late, and you must be tired.”

“I am tired…” I closed my eyes as I sat on the phone.

Cane didn’t hang up. He sat there with me, saying nothing.

I knew I shouldn’t say it, but I wanted to say it anyway. I felt it deep in my chest. “I miss you…”

Cane took a deep breath. I could barely hear it over the line.

Before he had the chance to say it back, I ended the call. I tucked the phone under my pillow and tried not to think about him. I never should have said those words to him, but I couldn’t help it. They slipped out like I had no control over my own behavior.

My eyes closed, picturing him as if he were right beside me. I pictured that smug smile, that brightness in his dark eyes, and I imagined how his hard chest felt against my hand. I quickly slipped away, disappearing into a deep sleep.