Remembering Yesterday

He started to rock with her, and she relaxed into his comforting frame, humming along to the country song wishing they could stay like this forever.

***

Several hours after the barbecue ended, there was a soft knock on Ava’s door. She glance up at the clock, 5 a.m., she thought everyone else would be fast asleep. Before she could bid anyone to enter, the door opened and her mother peeked in. For the first time, her mother’s blonde hair was in disarray.

“May I come in?”

Ava rolled from her bed and sat up. “Yes.” She pushed aside the notepad on which she had been outlining another story. She ensured the details on the back page was not visible. On that side was a plan on how she would spend the hefty advance she was to receive from her publisher in two weeks’ time, namely getting her own place in town. Mrs. Burton was renting the apartments above her pool house and Ava intended to approach her about a lease. She loved her parents, but it was time to be a bit more independent.

“What is it, mom?” Although she had a fair idea. When she had returned to the barbecue after disappearing with Devlin atop the tank for almost an hour, she had been met with a chilly reception from her parents and many curious and bold questions from the sheriff, her former teacher, and the town’s veterinarian. All of which she had sidestepped to their dissatisfaction.

“You know, your father loves you, Ava.”

She sighed. “I know, Mom.”

“You shamed him tonight.”

“I did nothing of the sort. I simply spoke and danced with Devlin.”

“A man he does not approve of.”

“I approve of Dev, Mom. He is not unworthy because he had to work hard to get where he is today. That makes him more admirable. I am not a child to be led and directed where you or father wants. You both lied to me, and even now seek to control who I love.”

Her mother sat beside her on the bed, considering her. “Patrick told us you broke it off. He’s very upset about it.”

“I don’t love him. He is more like a . . . friend.”

“Ava, you are young—”

“I’ve been dating Patrick for six months and we’ve only kissed a few times. I saw Devlin for the first time a fortnight ago in months, and without my full memory of him, I slept with him.”

“Oh, honey,” her mother said on a soft sigh. “Is that why you’ve been crying?”

Ava winced. If her mother had noticed then it did not say much for the success of scrubbing her face with cold water. “I like him. I hardly remember Devlin, but I want to be with him. Even now, all I can think about is being at the ranch house with him, getting to know him better. I want to explore what we have without you or Dad fighting me. Did you know he’d asked me to marry him? And I’d said yes. I was leaving town to be with him. . .” her voice broke and she bit down on her lip, hard.

Her mother tugged her closer. “We knew. When you were leaving, you told us you were going to marry him. You had seemed so sure, and I knew you really loved him, honey. Your father and I are only concerned. Your father may be a bit brusque and seems rather cruel at times, but it is from love, Ava. We don’t really know your Devlin. But he has made a name for himself with his furniture design. He was even in the papers.”

Ava looked at her in shock. “When?”

Her mother grimaced. “A few weeks ago. Several of his desks and a chair have been showcased in Boston and New York. Whenever he was mentioned, I ensured you didn’t see the papers.”

Ava stared at her in disbelief. “Oh, Mom! How could you? Over a year has passed. I don’t even know, if you had told me then, whether I would have tried to find him. I had no memory of where he was heading. I don’t know if I would have tracked him down through the papers. I only know that I’m angry with you and dad. At a time when I needed your support, you lied to me continually. Even now dad seems more concerned to make sure that I will not be with Devlin, instead of wishing me to pursue what makes me happy.”

“I am sorry sweetheart, of course we are concerned with your happiness. After all the pain I have seen you battled these months, I would do anything to see a glimmer of the joyful young girl you were before the accident.” Her mother swallowed, tears glistening in her eyes. “I saw a bit of it when you spoke of Devlin earlier. I saw it more when you stood by the lake. The happiness in your face when you looked up at him…We should never have kept him a secret from you.”

Some of the angry tension leaked from Ava. “Thank you, Mom.”

Her mother gave her a wobbly smile. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’m confused about whether I should try and explore what Devlin and I have.”

“Why are you confused?”

“I feel so lost without the missing pieces of my memory. I don’t like to talk about it, but the worry is there. What if the girl Devlin fell in love with isn’t me anymore? I only have small pieces of us together, and the whole picture may never come back.”

“How did you feel being with him last night? Be honest with yourself, Ava. And there you will find your answer.”

Ava shifted through her recent time with Devlin. She thought of him without the snapshots of memory, without the emotions of the past or the uncertainty of the future. She only thought of the ranch night. The morning which followed. Yesterday at the barbecue dancing slowly atop the tank and kissing. And sweet relief crashed into her. “I felt whole. I felt complete. It should make no sense, but that is how I felt.” A rush of need and excitement roared inside of her, obliterating all doubts. “I am going to him. I don’t want to hurt Dad, but I am going to Devlin.”