To Have and to Hold

“I say it to you both, because you are both my loves.”

He gives a little smirk, just like his father’s, and it warms my heart. He wraps his arms around my neck, and I relish in them for a bit before the day gets crazy. The small moments like these make me the happiest. My children are my life, and there is no doubt about it.

“What do you say we make some yummy pancakes and oatmeal cookies?” Gideon Jr. is an early riser. Most days, it’s about 5:00 a.m., but he’s up extra early, and I’m sure it’s because today Lilac has her school Baked Treats Day, and he loves to help me bake so he can lick the bowl.

“Okay, Mama.” His face lights up, his smile splitting from ear to ear. As he takes off up the stairs, I grab my things from the treadmill and turn to leave… then hit a giant brick wall of muscle and strength.

“Oh, crap. You scared me.” Peering up at my shirtless husband showcasing perfect abs and a thick Adonis V, my breath catches. Will he ever not be so damn irresistible?

“Sorry, gorgeous. You’re up early, and you’re all fucking sweaty. Did you do that for me?” Suddenly, he cages me, pushing me against the mirrored wall and putting his hands on each side of my head. I’m overwhelmed, seeing as this is the closest we’ve been to one another in a while.

“What do you mean?”

Bending, his face nestles into my neck, and he licks and nips at the skin, the sensation making my legs turn to jelly. “You know how much I love it when you’ve just finished working out and you’re covered in this sheen of sweat. Reminds me of all the times I would drive you wild and fuck you until you begged me to stop.”

I seize up.

“Baby, don’t.” He senses it. No matter how far apart we have drifted, he knows me, and that includes my body’s reactions.

“Don’t what? I need to make breakfast and get the kids ready for school.” I slide out from under him. Hearing him curse under his breath, my stomach drops, but I don’t look back at him. I can’t. All I’ll see is everything that’s in between.

Who am I? And why have I turned into this woman?

What happened to you, Scarlett?

…

“I will be back soon, you two be good.”

“We will, Mama. Love you!”

After I hug Lilac and Gideon, they run off hand in hand, and I pass their teachers the cookies we made. We share a few pleasantries, then I’m off. Today, I have to shop, grab Gideon’s new suits from the tailor, and then drop them off at his office so he has backups if needed. Meaning I will have to see him, after that awkward encounter this morning. What will I say to my husband? “Sorry I am such a bitch and push you away?”

What he said made me weak, and I craved to be surrounded by and lost in him. But I didn’t give in. Instead, my inner demons outspoke the logic, and I let those voices win. This conversation plays over and over in my mind for the next hour as I get the suits then head to the Strip to Gideon’s office.

My phone rings, and my mother’s name shows on the dashboard screen of my Audi. Knowing it would be best not to answer, I actually listen to the logical voice in my head for once. Hitting Ignore, I turn up the music, the song “Bitter” by Fletcher. I’ve heard this song a million times but never paid much attention to the lyrics, but this time when I do, a weird feeling looms over me… a fear I can’t place. It’s as if my body is somehow trying to warn me of something to come, but I can’t make sense of it.

Pulling up, I park next to Gideon’s sleek, all-black Range Rover. A flashback hits me then, and my entire body floods with arousal.

….

“I saw the way he was looking at you, Scarlett, and I don’t care if it pisses you off that I told that fucker to get a new vantage point.”

I laugh, this truly being comical. Gideon and I have been together a year now, and I swear his jealousy hasn’t waned and knows no bounds.

“Gideon, we were at a high-rise bar in the fanciest hotel on the Strip. There was dozens of beautiful women surrounding me; he could have been looking at anyone.” I watch him grip the steering wheel, releasing and tightening, releasing and tightening. Gideon’s jaw is locked, no give there as he watches the road ahead of him. His home is fifteen minutes from the Strip, so we have now entered the more residential area of Vegas.

“You were the sexiest woman in that entire fucking place, and I know what he was thinking. I saw what he was doing in his mind.”