Wild Tendy (IceCats 2)

I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. I just watch as she struggles to find her words. “When I said I think he felt sorry for me, it’s because after she died, like only about six weeks later, we found out that I carry the same cancerous gene she had. Then Jaylin was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Exactly,” she says, and when the tears gather in her eyes, I feel my stomach twist. “Well, Jaylin had to get her breasts removed, and since I didn’t want to get cancer because I didn’t want Callie to have to go through everything again, I did the same.”

Her eyes search mine, and I must be an idiot. “Okay, I know this is a serious moment. But I must be super horny because I’m not following. I know that makes me a jackass, but goddamn, you’re so hot. So yeah, what are you saying?”

She swallows hard, and then in the smallest, most shattering voice, she whispers, “I don’t have breasts.”

Nope, not horny. Just an idiot.

Chapter Twelve

Aviva

Nico pulls his brows together as his eyes search mine, and I see the confusion in his brown depths. My heart is jackhammering in my chest, so hard that my vision is shaky. I feel as if I almost can’t breathe. I know I am, but each breath hurts as I draw it in. My chest is tight as I stare at him. I want to look away, but his fingers still hold my jaw, and I don’t think he’d allow me. Since having my double mastectomy, I’ve never had to tell a man about it. I’ve never gotten close enough to a man to allow him to know. With Mike, he knew and we went at it. We never spoke of it, and most of the time, I wore a shirt to bed with him. I didn’t plan on telling Nico, but here I am. I want to live, and for that to happen, I have to share this damaged part about me.

I’m just terrified he’ll be disgusted.

“You don’t have boobs?”

I press my lips together as I look down at his mouth. It’s swollen from our kisses, and damn it, I want to kiss him again. I don’t want to talk about this. “I had a double mastectomy a couple months after I lost my mom.”

“That’s where they cut off your boobs?”

“Yes.”

“So, you have nothing?”

My lips quiver, and I feel the pain of loss all over again. “Nothing.”

I glance up at him just in time to see him look down at my chest, and when he pokes my boob, I want to laugh. “What is this?”

“A fake boob. Rubber, so that it looks like I have something,” I say in almost a whisper. I’m utterly mortified. Why I thought I was ready for this is beyond me. I was so ready to jump with him back at the pub. I wanted to live like Jaylin does, but I forgot what that entails. It means I have to show my whole fucked-up self, and I don’t think I’m ready for that. “Maybe I should go.”

He squishes his brows together as his gaze meets mine. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. But before I can lock my arms tight, he stops me. He pulls my hands away and laces our fingers together. “Aren’t you grossed out?”

“No. Not at all,” he says simply, his eyes burning into mine. “Do you want this?”

I swallow hard. I’m vibrating everywhere. “Yes.”

“Then why the hell would you want to leave?”

I feel the heat all over my face, and I hate the tears that are gathering in my eyes. “I’m embarrassed.”

“By what?”

I shrug, and I refuse to cry. I’ve cried enough over my misfortune, over losing my mom. While this moment, opening myself up to him, may be like ripping a Band-Aid off a wound that won’t heal, I can’t give that wound the power to own me. I meet his gaze with all the strength I can muster as I inhale shakily. “The situation and who you are. You can have anyone with boobs—”

“Stop assuming things about me.”

I give him a look. “Nico, you were on Tinder. A place full of beautiful women.”

“And none of them caught my attention. It was a beautiful woman who rammed her car into my ass who did.”

I bite my lip. “I just feel you’ll be disgusted by me.”

Compassion fills his features as he gathers my face in his hands. “Aviva, I don’t want your boobs. They weren’t what drew me to you. It was you. All of you. I want you.”

My lip quivers as a tear escapes. “No one has ever said that to me.”

“Their loss, my gain,” he whispers as he leans in, pressing his lips to mine.