Hard Hit (IceCats 3)

“He’s going to kick me to the curb,” I complain, and she rolls her eyes. “Honestly, Veev. I went to sleep like it was nothing because hotels don’t give me the creeps. It’s not the bed. It’s staying in a man’s place. I can’t explain it,” I sigh, and she gazes up at me through her lashes as she screws the base of the crib together. “I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know how to throw caution to the wind and sleep there.”

She raises her brow and shakes her head. “I’m with him. I don’t get it either.”

That’s because you don’t know the whole story. Kirby does, and even he doesn’t get it. Fucking hell, what am I doing? “He says he doesn’t think I want this, him and everything. But I do. Veev, I do. I want it so bad.”

She nods. “I know. I can tell. I’ve never seen you like this. But Jay, can you blame him? He wants to move forward, and you’ve dug your heels in the sand, not budging.”

“I don’t, though. I am moving forward with him, except on this.”

“What did you think was going to happen?” she asks as she grabs the first rail from me. “He got a hotel room, and it went great. He has every reason to expect more.”

I gawk at her. “I know. He said he wanted to live together!”

She laughs, grinning from ear to ear.

“That not’s funny.”

“Oh, it is. He is all in, Jay. He loves you.”

I hate that tears are burning my eyes. “I am well aware of that. And why couldn’t he just say that? I was down for that.”

She cocks her head. “Is that right? You love him?”

I take a deep breath, and then I nod definitively. “I do. A lot.”

A wide grin moves over her lips. “That’s wonderful, Jay. But like he said, are you guys going to get married and live in two houses? The whole point of finding someone to spend your life with is to do just that, spend that life with them. Together. In the same place. What do you want here?”

“I want him!”

“Okay. Then prove it to not only him, but yourself.”

My shoulders droop, and I know she’s right. I know what I’m saying is true; I feel it deep inside me. I want to move forward, and I want to be with him and Celeste all the time, but the very idea of it scares me. But how can it when it’s what I want? Why is this so hard for me? Why am I allowing this fear to defeat me?

Damn it.

When my phone sounds with Kirby’s tone, I reach for it on the floor and hit speaker. “Hey, babe. You done with practice?”

“Yeah. I got a shower and met Jean at the house to grab Celeste. Want me to head to you to pick you up?”

“I’m actually at Aviva’s.”

“Oh. I thought you had work?”

“I got done early,” I say, feeling guilty. “I should have called. I could have grabbed Celeste for you, but Aviva wanted help with the crib.”

“No worries. I was being nosy.”

“It’s not nosy at all. You have every right to know what I’m doing.”

“Jaylin,” he says sternly.

“Yeah?”

“Cut it out. It’s okay, what happened this morning. I’m not upset. You don’t have to kiss my ass.”

I press my lips together, and Aviva grins at me. “I know.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up in ten.”

“See you then.”

I hang up, and when I glance at her, Aviva is still grinning at me like she just ate the best piece of cake the world could provide. “Man, he’s got you all figured out.”

I exhale hard. “Given that I provided him everything he needs to have me figured out, he should. I just didn’t think it would happen this fast.”

Her face is blissful. “When it’s right, it’s right. Might need to make that appointment to get that IUD out.”

When she winks at me, I glare. “Shut your face.”

She laughs, enjoying this entirely too much. “You watch. As soon as you sleep over, he’ll have a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly.”

The fear of that starts to suffocate me, but then I find happiness easing it instead.

Leaving me completely and utterly confused.

If I wasn’t worried about the status of my relationship before arriving at my parents’, I am terrified at this point. Beneath the table, my knee bounces like it’s the tempo for some crazy electronic dance song. My heart matches its cadence, and I’m waiting for something to go wrong here. Across the table from Kirby and me, my parents sit with their shoulders back, very intimidating, as we eat the fantastic dinner my dad put together for us. My favorite—potato salad with smoked ribs and corn. When he would go on long work trips, he’d always make this for me after he came home. Every big event in my life, this was my celebratory meal. When I beat cancer, we ate it for a week straight. No one ever got sick of it; we were just happy I was cancer-free.