Gage (Men of Honor 1)

My head was buzzing and there was a ringing in my ears and all I could see was his smiling face as he grinned up at me. “Wait, oh shit, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” He placed me gently back on my feet all the while acting as though I was made out of spun glass.

“Thank you baby, this is great, let’s go celebrate.” He pulled me in close and held me against him only then realizing that I hadn’t said a word since I arrived. “Hey, you okay?” I nodded my head against his chest and wrapped my arms around him but I wasn’t sure. I don’t know what I was feeling. The mix of excitement and fear was new to me.

I held onto him for dear life as the wild beating of his heart finally registered and for some unknown reason it was that that settled me down some. I wanted to laugh and cry for some inane reason and I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind I hadn’t really expected it to happen.

We’d been trying for so long and there’s been so many disappointments that I think I kinda gave up on it happening any time soon. My mom hadn’t had me until well into her forties after all so I was sure that I might be the same. I’d felt horrible for disappointing him month after month knowing how much he wanted a child and now it’s here and I feel like I can’t catch my breath.

We stood there in the middle of his office holding onto each other for the longest while until we both snapped out of it. The first thing he did was wipe my face dry with his fingers. “You’re scared aren’t you baby?” He knows me so well. “You don’t have to be.” He answered even though I said nothing.

“Everything’s going to be just fine. What did the doctor say? Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve gone with you.”

“I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t want to get your hopes up if it was a false alarm. He said everything looks good, I’m a little over six weeks…” He hugged me again his heart still knocking against his chest.

“You’ve made me very happy sweetheart.” I found my first real smile since leaving the doctor’s office and wondered if this is how most women reacted to the news that they were about to be a mom. The feeling is surreal, like you’ve suddenly become part of something bigger than yourself.

All the things that mattered the day before seemed to pale in comparison to this amazing development and I was hard pressed to remember that billions of women had done this before, that I’m not the first. There were too many emotions running through my head at the moment for me to hang on to any one thing.

We were downstairs and in the car after sharing the news with Melissa who’d looked at us strangely when we left the office. No doubt his wild yelling had alerted her to the fact that there was something going on. “Where are we going?”

His excitement was bringing me out of my fog state and I was beginning to feel what I think most women do at this stage. Excited, overjoyed, anxious and most of all proud that I was now numbered among the many who had come before me.

The baby wasn’t even here yet and according to the doctor wasn’t even the size of a peanut but already he or she had become the most important thing in my life. I felt like I was walking on air as the fear steadily dissipated.

Gage held my hand as he drove through the streets of downtown. “Where do you want to go, what do you want to do?” I could only shrug my shoulders and laugh at the little boy look of glee on his face. His reaction was the perfect thing for me, just what I needed to lift the burden of insecurity that had been plaguing me in the last hour or so.

We ended up at the only ice cream parlor in town of all places and when I raised my brow at him questioningly when he parked, he just drew me to him and kissed my forehead. “Let’s walk along the promenade and enjoy a nice double cone.” He’d remembered that ice cream was my go to dessert when I was in the mood to celebrate.

I didn’t see the looks we got from people as we walked hand in hand eating the massive scoops of ice cream, me strawberry, he praline. I didn’t feel the heat of the afternoon sun as it bore down on us and I certainly wasn’t thinking about anything, not even the fact that the world looked suddenly different.