Forgetting You

That was the only piece of comfort I had. She didn’t want to leave me . . . but she still had.

For as long as I had known Noah, she’d made it clear that she valued commitment. Before we got together properly, she’d loved me but was willing to step back from me because I hadn’t asked her to be my girlfriend. She knew what she wanted, and like she said . . . she didn’t settle for less than what she wanted. She wasn’t the kind of woman to play games, and she didn’t say things she didn’t mean in order for me to chase after her.

She said what she meant . . . and that meant she was really done with me.

“She’ll come back to me,” I said again to AJ, but a silent panic had settled over me. My hands began to shake as doubt curled around me, draining me of life. “She will.”

No, a voice whispered in the back of my mind. She won’t.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

NOAH

Present day . . .

“That’s what Anderson meant on the night I woke up.” I clasped my hands together. “He said you broke my heart . . . that’s what he was talking about.”

“Yes, honey.”

It had felt as if all the air was being sucked from the room as I listened to Elliot explain why our relationship had ended. My emotions were running high and my heart pounded inside my chest. Marriage. That was what broke us up. Elliot’s inability to commit to marriage. Out of everything I had considered, what I’d just learned wasn’t something I’d seen as a factor.

“You didn’t want to marry me.”

I couldn’t look at Elliot as I spoke the words, because my heart was hurting. I had listened to every word he’d just said, and by the time he finished, what I’d felt was a deep hurt. The only memories I had of Elliot and our relationship were good ones. We’d never had a downward spiral like other couples who’d had to fight for their relationship; we’d never had trying times where either of us felt like the other wasn’t the person for us. I’d always believed we were the lucky ones – until now.

I had always believed that marriage would be on the cards for us, and I had always made that known. To hear this was the reason I ended my and Elliot’s relationship was like being doused in ice-cold water. Part of me felt angered, but mostly I just felt saddened and I didn’t know what to do about it.

“I was scared,” Elliot said, covering my hands with his. “I was goin’ through a lot once me parents told me they were divorcin’. Ye know how much I idolised their relationship, Noah. The second doubt creeped into my mind about us, it was all over. It poisoned me mind.”

I found myself nodding because, even though my heart hurt, I could understand his point of view.

“I can grasp fear wrecking your train of thought but, Elliot, surely talking to me about it, instead of keeping it all bottled up, would have helped?”

“I know.” He hung his head. “I thought I could figure it out in me head, but the longer I didn’t speak to you about it, the worse I felt.”

I swallowed. “I never made it a secret about marriage. You knew it was something I wanted.”

“I know, and up until that shitstorm, it was something I wanted too.”

I looked at him. “You should have told me the second you had doubts. You said I was leaving bridal magazines around as hints, always talking about weddings . . . why did you allow me to plan and envision a future that would never happen? That was cruel of you, Elliot.”

“I was stupid,” he sighed. “I never factored in things like that. I was only thinkin’ of how I could tell ye without hurtin’ ye. I didn’t think beyond that. I truly believed that things wouldn’t end the way they did, even though I lied and kept how I felt about marriage from ye. There’s no other way to put it other than I fucked up, Noah.”

I cleared my throat. “Your honesty was something I always valued because you were the only person to ever give it to me fully. My parents were overbearing when I was younger and kept things from me, believing it was for my own good, but you never did that. I think . . . I think that was part of the reason I left you.”

“I’m sure it was.” Elliot ran his fingertips over my knuckles. “I don’t know meself because I left it too long to go after ye. I figured ye’d need some space, and when I realised ye weren’t comin’ back, it was too late. I believed ye’d come back even though part of me knew ye wouldn’t.”