A Night of No Return

‘It’s not for me.’ She folded the last of her clothes into the case she’d bought at the mall. ‘It’s for you. You should open it. It will save me the bother of putting it in another envelope.’ From behind her she could hear the sound of the envelope being torn open. And then there was silence.

‘Your letter of resignation.’ His voice was flat and devoid of expression. ‘I thought we’d dealt with this once. You agreed there was no need for you to leave.’

‘There was no need to leave when we’d had one night of sex.’ Emma closed the case and lifted it off the bed and onto the floor. ‘There is every reason to leave now I know I’m in love with you.’

He stilled. ‘About that—’

‘If you’re going to tell me that I don’t know my own mind, then let me stop you right there.’ She let go of the case and straightened. ‘I’ve told you about my father, but I’ve never told you about my mother.’

‘Your mother?’

‘She had a real talent for falling in love with men who couldn’t love her back. Instead of walking away, somehow she always managed to convince herself that if she stuck at it, they’d come round. She did it with my father, even after he walked out leaving her to cope with a baby on her own. And then she did the same thing with her boss.’ She saw understanding dawn in his eyes and nodded. ‘That’s right. Jamie is the result of an affair that my mother had with her boss. She fell in love with him. Unfortunately he didn’t feel the same way about her but instead of leaving, she stayed. And the longer she stayed, the more she hoped.’ And, for the first time, she’d been given a glimpse of just how hard it had probably been for her mother. And how easy it would be to take strands of hope and spin them into something substantial and meaningful.

‘Emma—’

‘No, don’t say a word. You have no idea how much I want to pretend to myself that I can carry on working for you and that the way I feel won’t be a problem. But I know it will be a problem. I’ll have to see you every day, but not tell you how I feel. I’ll have to take phone calls from the women you see and keep smiling while I do it, and I can’t do that, Lucas.’ She had to force the words out. ‘I won’t live my life hoping that one day I’m going to wake up and find my dream has become reality. I won’t do that to myself.’

He watched her for a long moment and then paced across the elegant bedroom and stared out across the private swimming pool.

She waited for him to say what he was thinking and, as the silence stretched, so a tiny flicker of hope bloomed somewhere deep inside her. Even without her permission, it bloomed. And this was how it started, she thought. If she stayed, it would be like this. In every word and action, she’d be searching for a different meaning. Hoping, just as she was hoping now.

He drew back his shoulders, those strong, muscular shoulders that she now knew so well.

‘You have a notice period.’ His voice was businesslike. ‘It won’t be easy to replace you.’

And, just like that, hope died. The pain was sharp, like falling onto broken glass. She wondered if her mother had felt like that every day and, if so, how she had managed to get back up and keep going back for more.

‘There’s no need to worry about replacing me. I’ve already done it. Fiona Hawkings is currently working for John in Accounts and she’s just what you need. Efficient, competent and not remotely interested in anything except a professional relationship. She was going to cover for me during my holiday so she’s already fully briefed and if she has a problem then she has my number.’

Lucas’s expression didn’t change. ‘You already had someone lined up?’

‘If I’d been knocked over by a bus, someone needed to know how to run your office. So you’re sorted. No need to worry.’

‘And what about you? Is it wise to give up your job without another one to go to?’

No. But it was wiser than staying because every day she stayed would make it harder to leave. ‘I’ll be fine. I’m good at what I do. I’m going to find a job nearer to home and try and get some sort of balance in my life. I certainly don’t have that at the moment. I want to spend time with Jamie, not just at weekends, but during the week too. I want to be able to go out in the evening occasionally without feeling guilty because I’m only at home for forty-eight hours.’ She gave a half smile. ‘I want to go dancing.’ She said the words even though right now she didn’t feel as if she’d ever be able to dance again.