Sarah's Surrender (Ranchers of Chatum County 2)

“But what?”

She remained mute and only shook her head.

“But what, Sarah?” he asked more heatedly.

“But I try not to think about how much you must have loved her. How you stayed true to her for so long after she died. It makes me—it makes me ill inside knowing what you lost, but it also makes me—it makes me feel terrible to be jealous of that. So I try not to think about it.”

He didn’t take his eyes from the road, but he braked immediately and pulled over onto the shoulder and turned to her. “Where’d you hear all this?”

She didn’t want to say her friend’s name. She was already a sore spot with him, but she had no other choice. “Jaime.”

“Jaime’s wrong, sweetheart. She’s been listening to too much gossip.”

“What do you mean?”

“Is that the rumor? That I was so inconsolable that I retreated to my ranch and shunned the female population?”

“Yes.”

His mouth hardened. “It’s not true, baby. Sarah, my marriage wasn’t what you think. It wasn’t perfect, far from it. You think you were the only one who was cheated on? Think again. Monica cheated on me with my best friend. He was also my business partner. I was betrayed by the two people closest to me.” He watched her closely to see if she understood what he was explaining. “There’s a lot you don’t know about. Shit, nobody knows about it. She was an alcoholic and addicted to pills. I’d already filed for divorce when she had the wreck. I wasn’t staying true to her memory, Sarah. I abstained from sex because I respected her old man. Her father was devastated when she died, Monica was his only child and he had no one else but me. He didn’t know the divorce was pending, and after she died, I couldn’t chance hurting him even more by running around like a tomcat. I just couldn’t do it.”

His running dialogue came to an abrupt stop and he waiting for her reaction. She was watching him closely, her eyes running over his face. “What caused the change in you then?”

He frowned. “What change?”

“Jaime said that one minute you were a recluse, and the next you were—you were—” Her words came to a halt when she either couldn’t find the words or refused to speak them. But he knew what she was asking.

“Her father died.”

“That’s the reason?”

He picked up her hand and laced his fingers through hers over the console. “Yeah. He died and couldn’t be hurt by my actions anymore.”

Sarah sank deeper into the leather seat as uneasiness gripped her. She was feeling so many emotions it was hard to take them all in. A warning voice hammered inside her head, telling her to be careful. Don’t move so fast. Don’t fall for him so deeply and so quickly. But there wasn’t much she could do to protect herself from it. She was inordinately relieved that he wasn’t pining away inside for his dead wife. She was equally upset that he’d been hurt. That someone had taken this beautiful, giving man’s trust and smashed it to smithereens and turned him into the almost-cold, calculating person he was now. She knew how it felt to be cheated on. Her lips opened and she spoke without thinking, “I’d never hurt you like that.”

His fingers clenched on hers. His scrutiny dropped to her lips and just as quickly, came back up to her eyes. His gaze clashed and tangled with hers. “I’m beginning to think that might be true.”

“Of course it’s true,” she whispered.

Leaning over the console, he dropped a kiss on her lips as his thumb caressed the back of her hand. “Let’s get you home, baby. You’ve had a rough morning.”

****

Sarah didn’t remember falling asleep during the rest of the ride home. But she must have because she came awake as the smooth drone of the engine was cut off. She opened her eyes and sat up, preparing herself to get out of the vehicle.

Her fingers froze over the seatbelt enclosure as she looked around and saw where he had brought her.

To his house.

She looked across to him but he wasn’t looking at her; he was already opening his door and stepping out into the hot sunshine. Before she couldn’t even get her brain to fully function, he walked around to the passenger door and was opening it for her.

He didn’t look her in the eye, he didn’t say anything to her, he just reached over and unsnapped the seatbelt and took her hand in his to help her step down.

Why did she get the feeling that this meant something? Why did she think that his bringing her to his house now, after everything that had passed between them, meant more than just the obvious? Her pulse accelerated as her hand was enfolded in his and she followed him into the house.

“John—”

“Not now.”

He led her inside and deposited her in a chair in the living room and then walked through to the kitchen. Moments later, Beth walked into the room behind John with a large smile beaming across her face. “Okay. I get the afternoon off.” She hooked her purse over her shoulder and spoke directly to Sarah. “There’s a pot roast and vegetables in the oven. I just turned the heat down. All you have to do is open the oven at six o’clock and it will be done. Y’all have fun; I’m going home.”

Sarah felt like a fish out of water and barely managed a nod and an ‘okay.’

The door shut behind the other woman and Sarah watched as John went to the window and watched from the draperies as Beth drove away. His hand fell to his side and the curtains fell back into place.

Walking to the front door, he bolted the lock and then turned to Sarah. He walked over to her, and held out his hand to her.

She lifted her eyes to him and tried to read what he was feeling. He didn’t reach for her, he didn’t make a grab for her hand like he usually did. She got the idea he was waiting for her to give him something, to give him something of her own accord, of her own free will. Alarm bells ringing in her head, she slowly reached out and put her hand in his.

****

Satisfaction, pure and simple ran like a molten river through John’s system when her trembling hand reached for his. She was so soft, so sweet, and he wanted her all to himself. He knew it was selfish, but he didn’t much give a damn. She soothed him. And he accepted that as fact.

Ever since they started sleeping together, the fires that raged inside of him burned down to a low level, and a coil of what felt like peace slid through him. Her very presence in his home gave him a contentment that he wasn’t going to question. He just knew the feeling was there. He felt his mood shift and become almost buoyant, and the only thing that could top that now was to have her naked under him.

With that thought in mind, he pulled her from her chair and began leading her to his bedroom. It was a room she’d never been in before, but suddenly he wanted her there with a ferocity that surprised him.

He didn’t bother shutting the door; they were all alone here and the front door was locked. He led her to the bed and turned her toward him and began undoing the buttons that ran down the front of her shirt.

“John—”

“Shh.”

He saw her bite her lip and he spread her shirt until it was completely open. He pushed it off her shoulders an unceremoniously unclipped her bra and let it fall to the floor. He had an urge to get her naked as fast as he possibly could. She was like a fever in his blood, and the only way it could be tamped down was to have her close to him. She trembled in his arms, and he sat on the edge of the bed, legs spread wide, and brought her between them. “Sarah.”

She brought her hands to the back of his head and tangled her fingers through his hair. “What?” she asked softly.

“Baby, I want you.” He reached his hands up and enclosed a firm little mound inside each palm and felt the soft weight of her.

“I know you do,” she whispered.

“No, I mean I really want you. What we did today, the tests we took, do you know what that means?”

Her eyes searched his as if looking for the answer. “No.”

“It means you’re mine. It means that we’re toget

her. Nobody can have you but me, and I don’t want anybody but you.”

“You’re asking me to make a commitment.”

“No. I’m telling you that we’re committed now. The time for arguments or doubt is over. We can’t get tested every week. You’ve got to trust me, and I’ve got to trust you.”

“Okay.”

“That easy?”

“I didn’t say it was easy. But I believe you.”