Paradise Lost (Private 9)

Suddenly, Upton rolled us both over, and I let out a yelp of surprise as I found him on top of me. He grinned and trailed kisses from my earlobe all the way down my neck and over my shoulder. His fingertips hooked over the one shoulder strap on my dress and inched it down. He kissed the very top of my cleavage and smiled at me. I knew that, in about two seconds, he was going to tug down my dress, and I was going to be half naked in front of him, and I wanted it. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to be the one. My first. My first since Thomas.

"You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen," Upton whispered.

His hand slid down my body and then up, under my skirt, trailing my thigh. When his fingers found the side of my panties, I felt a rush of surprise. He was going straight for the goal line. No taking it slow for this guy.

I felt the tug on my underwear and heard a creak. I looked up, past Upton's shoulder, and my heart completely seized. Poppy Simon was standing in the doorway, staring down at me, her mouth agape.

"Upton. Stop," I said firmly.

He must have heard the panic in my voice, because he did. Right

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away. He turned around and, at that moment, Mrs. Ryan joined Poppy. She was saying something about the new furnishings--giving another tour, I supposed--but she stopped mid-sentence when she saw us. The ginormous puffed sleeves of her green gown took up almost the entire doorway.

"Upton? What are you doing in here?" Mrs. Ryan said automatically.

Then I saw her take in the scene. Me clinging to my unzipped dress. Upton with his shirt wide open, his tie and jacket on the floor. I pretty much wanted to die. Poppy burst into tears before turning around and running up the steps to the main deck. I could hear her wailing all the way back to the party. Mrs. Ryan's face set into a hard, cold frown.

"Upton Giles," she said in a shaky voice. "I would have thought that a young man with your upbringing would have a bit more discretion."

Upton swung his legs around the side of the bed and bent to pick up his jacket. "I apologize, Mrs. Ryan. We were just--"

"I know what you were doing," she replied.

With a huge lump in my throat, I slid off the bed and hastily zipped up my dress. Thank God that was all I had to do. But the very idea of walking past Mrs. Ryan in the tiny space between her and the door was horrifying, I couldn't make myself do it. Couldn't make myself move. There was such ferocity in the woman's light eyes that I thought she might pounce on top of me and tear my hair out.

"Mrs. Ryan, I'm so sorry," I stammered. "I don't know what to say. I-"

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"Kindly save your whorish excuses for someone who cares," Mrs. Ryan said through her teeth. Then she stepped out into the hallway and slammed the door. "When I come back here in five minutes, Upton, I expect this room to be empty," she called from the other side. I heard her organza dress swishing behind her as she stormed up the stairs.

"Omigod," I said breathlessly, doubling over. "I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life."

Upton walked over to me, shrugging into his jacket. I expected him to put his arms around me and comfort me. Tell me Mrs. Ryan would forget all about it and that stuff like this happened all the time. But instead, he quickly retied his tie and cleared his throat, squaring his shoulders.

"Reed, I'm sorry, but I have to go take care of something," he said in a formal tone. "I'll meet you back at the party."

"Wait. What? What are you taking care of?" I asked. Then I looked at the closed door. "You don't mean Poppy."

His jaw clenched. "I really must go."

"Wait. Upton-"

He grasped my shoulders, planted a kiss on my forehead, and leaned back. "We'll talk later." Then he took off at a jog, leaving the door yawning open behind him.

I collapsed back against the wall, looked up at the ceiling, and laughed. Laughed a nice, big, bitter laugh. Of course he had to go after Poppy. Of course he did. What was wrong with him? He had told me he was falling in love with me. If that was the case, then how could he strand me here like this at the most mortifying moment of my life? How?

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Answer: He was programmed to take care of his own. These people had been his friends--practically his family--for life. No matter how he thought he felt about me, I would never measure up to them. A chill ran over my body, and I hugged my goose-pimpled skin. Somehow, I always ended up alone.

I turned and trudged up the stairs, but I paused just outside the doorway to the main cabin and the party. There was no way I could go in there right now and face my friends and all their leading questions. There was no way I could watch as Upton begged for Poppy's forgiveness. I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean, so there was no real escape, but I could at least take a few minutes to myself.

I turned right and walked outside onto the deck that ran all the way around the yacht. As I strolled along the freshly waxed planks toward the stern, I couldn't help but feel abominably stupid for even trying to wrest Upton away from his incestuous crowd. Clearly, this lifelong bond among them was way deeper than I had ever understood. Poppy's feelings obviously meant more to him than mine did, and probably they always would. Maybe he had said he loved me, but he had no idea what that meant. Not in the real world.

I paused at the very rear of the boat and looked out across the black ocean. We were on our way back to shore now, thank God, but we were far out enough that homes along the beach looked like pastel doll-houses. All that spread before me were miles and miles of endless water. I took a deep breath and told myself to let Upton go. Leave him out here on the open ocean and never look back.