Strong Enough (Meet Me in Montana 4)

“First of all, I didn’t fuck you, Merit. We made love.”

I smirked. “Do you even know the difference, Dirk?”

His eyes widened as he searched my face before meeting my gaze once more. “Yes, I do know the difference. I’ve only made love to someone once.”

A sick feeling swept over me at the thought of Dirk being so intimate with another woman, enough to say he’d made love to them. How foolish of me to think that for all these years, he hadn’t met someone he cared about.

I forced myself to look away from his intense stare.

“Did you hear me?”

I looked back at him and desperately tried to breathe evenly.

“I’ve only ever once made love to a woman, and I fucked it up. It was you, Merit. Only you. I wasn’t thinking of her when I was inside you.” His eyes closed. “God, the feeling of being inside you was…is…” His head dropped down, and I could feel his hot breath as he tried to keep his breathing still.

My own breath caught in my throat, and I willed myself not to think of the moments before Dirk had ripped my heart out. How amazing it had felt with him inside me. Everyone used to talk about how terrible their first time was, but I’d had the opposite experience. Yes, it hurt like a bitch when he’d first pushed in, but God, the way he moved inside me—it made the pain all but disappear.

I closed my eyes tightly to block out the memory.

“I’m so sorry, Merit. I don’t know why I said her name. I swear on the lives of everyone I love, I was not thinking about her. It was you…only you.”

I snapped my eyes open and placed my hands on his chest as our gaze met once again. I swallowed hard and pushed lightly against him. I blinked rapidly to keep my tears at bay. I had vowed not to cry over that night anymore. “If it had only been me in your mind…or your heart…you wouldn’t have said her name. You made me think you wanted me and me alone, Dirk. I was so stupid to think I could make you forget about her.”

He slowly shook his head.

“You were in love with her even after she picked Brock. I never could compete with her,” I said as a mix between a sob and a laugh slipped free. “She had probably already slept with you anyway.”

The moment I felt the tear slip free, I heard him suck in a breath. I pushed as hard as I could, and Dirk stepped back. I quickly wiped the tears away and looked up at him.

“No, Merit. I never slept with Kaci.”

Our eyes locked once more. I had always wondered if they’d slept together. Kaci would drop hints about how she knew she could easily get Dirk to sleep with her because of the way he looked at her. That he wanted her desperately. More than Brock did. A part of me knew she said it to hurt me, but I wouldn’t admit it at the time. I had never told Kaci how I felt about Dirk, but I was pretty sure she knew. Then, when Kaci found out Dirk and I had been together, which I never could figure out how she found out, she’d said the most hurtful thing ever.

“You know he was only with you to take your V-card. That’s all. Men like to brag about that sort of thing. And we all know Dirk likes to win…at everything.”

Then she proceeded to tell the entire school Dirk had taken my virginity.

That had been the end of our friendship. I had lost both of my best friends because of one night, and then I was totally alone.

Finding my voice, I said, “You do know it was Kaci who told everyone what happened between us?”

He brought his hand to the back of his neck and rubbed it while a deep frown grew between his brows. Had he known his precious little Kaci was the one behind the rumors? Had he even cared? The way he was looking at me now I couldn’t tell, and I was so tired of trying not to care when it came to Dirk.

Chapter Five

DIRK

I stared at Merit as her words sank in.

She let out a humorless laugh. “That’s right, your perfect little Kaci betrayed my trust and told everyone on the cheerleading squad. That is, after she informed me that the only reason you were even with me was to take my virginity like some kind of prize.”

“That wasn’t true.”

“Well, all signs sort of led me to believe that it was true, Dirk.”

I sighed in frustration. “What do you want me to say, Merit? I’ve already told you I don’t know why I fucking said her name. I wasn’t thinking of her. I hate that her fucking name came out of my mouth. Do you have any idea how many times I wished I could go back in time? That I could do things…differently?”