The Doctor Who Has No Ambition (Soulless 9)

I turned around and accidentally bumped into Cleo. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” I grabbed the large wax candle she was holding so it wouldn’t tip over and land on the floor. “That was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s fine, honey. No harm done.” Her head stayed in the game because she was so focused. “Could you grab those other candles and follow me to the table?”

“On it.” I grabbed two and followed her to the dessert table where she was arranging everything to give it a beautiful ambiance, the gentle light accenting the glow from the chandeliers up above.

She took the candles and set them in place. “Is everything alright? Your mind seems to be elsewhere tonight.”

God, was I making it that obvious? “Everything’s fine. I don’t mean to come off that way.”

She straightened and looked at me across the table as if she could see right through me. “I’m the mother of three kids. I know when something is wrong. And it’s okay if something is wrong.”

Was she a boss or the kindest person? “Vince and I…had words.”

“Are the hours affecting your relationship?”

“No, nothing like that.” I looked past her and saw everyone else working, saw Dex and Matt moving the heavier stuff to finalize setup. They worked like ants, hustling, and every time I asked a question, they were happy to answer. They were the best coworkers I’d ever had.

Cleo stopped what she was doing altogether and just stared at me. “Come on, you can talk to me.”

“No. I know we’re on a time crunch right now—”

“And you know how much more efficient you would be if you got this off your chest?” She came around the table and placed her arm around my shoulders to give me an affectionate squeeze. “When he didn’t propose last weekend, I knew there was trouble in paradise.”

“Well…” I dropped my gaze in shame. “I found out he was married.”

There was a long pause before she released a deep sigh. “Oh no.”

“And then he said he wanted to leave his wife for me, he had a ring, it was just a fucking nightmare.” I took a deep breath so my eyes wouldn’t water. “I just feel…so sick. I’m hurt that I loved this guy and it was a lie, but it hurts so much more to know I was the other woman, that he has a family, that I was so stupid that I had no idea. I just…hate myself.”

“Sweetheart, shh.” She rubbed my arm and pulled me close for a hug like she knew I needed one. “Don’t hate yourself, alright? You had no idea. It happens. And you know who it happens to?” She pulled away and looked into my eyes, giving both of my arms a squeeze. “Good people. Because good people don’t think that way. They don’t lie, so they don’t know when someone’s lying. They don’t cheat, so they don’t know when someone’s cheating. They’re innocent and naïve because they’re so good. So, don’t let him make you feel bad, when you’re not bad at all. Once you knew the truth, you walked away. You did the right thing.”

I nodded, feeling my eyes water slightly, but I kept the emotion back because I didn’t want to ruin my makeup before the event. “I just feel so stupid, you know?”

“I do know,” she said quietly. “I wish I didn’t.”

“What?” I grabbed a napkin off the table and gently dabbed the corners of my eyes so the makeup wouldn’t run.

“Remember that client I told you about?” she asked. “The one I had a relationship with?”

I nodded.

“Well, I found out he was married. And I found out in a really terrible way. We were together in his bedroom, and his wife walked in.”

I cupped my mouth. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” she said with a laugh. “Not only did I feel betrayed, but I felt so terrible. He was my client and it was my job to know everything about him, so how did I not know he had a wife? It was unacceptable, and I hated myself for it for quite a while. I was so ashamed. It took a very long time for me to be able to forgive myself. It’s easy to forgive other people, but it’s impossible to forgive yourself sometimes. But that’s what you need to do. Forgive yourself. Love yourself.”

I could have said that to myself, but it wouldn’t have had any effect. But when it came from her, it did make me feel better. It helped me get through it, helped me learn to let it go. “Thank you.”

She pulled me in for a hug and held me for a while. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

“You remind me of my mom.”

She chuckled as she rubbed my back. “I take that as a compliment.” She pulled away and gave me a warm smile. “Ready to get back to work?”