Nate

After I took a shower, I came out to apologize. Nate hadn’t been around, so I went in search of him until I heard him in the basement gym, and he’d been on a call with his friends.

I recognized their voices by now.

I couldn’t make out all the words, and I began to feel guilty for eavesdropping, so I moved to the living room by the basement door. I kept the lights off, telling myself that I was really just trying to fall asleep.

I was lying, though.

I wanted to see Nate walk by, all sweaty and hot from the gym. He did, and he walked through a ray of moonlight, and I almost slid to the floor in a heap of hormones.

I was all over the place. Sad. Mad. Self-loathing, but I rounded back to my hormones. It was how I started the night, so I was now telling myself that at least I was a well-rounded human being. The meaning of that phrase didn’t fit my personal meaning, but I was still going to cut myself some slack.

Which was something I was proud of because cutting myself slack was not something I’d ever done. Ever. Seriously. Such a perfectionist. Always a perfectionist.

Getting up, I washed up.

I was feeling lazy today, so I slipped on some flowy yoga pants, a tank. Yoga shoes. Padding quietly into Nova’s room, I found her still sleeping. She was curled over, her penguin by her head and a blanket covering one toe. I pulled it off and laid it over her before heading for the kitchen.

All the lights were off, so I was assuming Nate was still sleeping.

“Morning.” I heard the low rasp from the kitchen table.

I jumped but laughed. “You’re not sleeping.”

I could see him better as I came more into the room. He raised an eyebrow. “Am I supposed to be?”

A whole burst of nerves hit me, and I needed to get this over and done with. If I didn’t, it’d ruminate, and I was learning that I was terrible with anything ruminating.

I linked my hands together and stood before him. “I’m sorry about last night. Emotions were already high because of my family, but I think I would’ve been a mess anyway. The longer I stay away from my dad, it’s like the more things start to become clear. It’s making me a little bit crazy, and I didn’t use to be melodramatic. At all. There’s a reason Calihan is angry with me. I was stuck-up, and I was always just so perfect. I was locked down. This is the first real opening I’ve given her to get back at me, and that’s what she was doing. She was taking a swing because I’ve shut her down by not letting anyone else in. But all that aside, I lost it last night, and I am sorry for that. It won’t happen again.”

His eyebrows bunched together. “Look, what I said was wrong. I went for the shock factor, thinking it’d help you. It didn’t. I apologize for that, but for what you just said now… First off, I’m not your father. Second, I never want you to apologize to me unless you’ve done something to hurt Nova or me. And three, you’re making yourself vulnerable. Am I getting that right?”

Jesus. “Yeah.”

“The fact you’re making yourself vulnerable and you think it’s okay that your sister is taking ‘her chance’ speaks volumes about your relationship.” He had a coffee mug in front of him, and standing, he took the cup to the coffee machine. He filled it, then reached for another. That one was filled. He added the coffee creamer I used, the healthiest I could find, and dumped the exact portion I always used before handing me the second mug.

I took it, slightly stunned. “How do you know how I take my coffee?”

“We live together.”

I rotated around as he took his coffee back to the table. His laptop was there, his phone next to it. He had headphones plugged in.

I said, “I never get my coffee when you’re here. You’re usually gone or working when I get mine.”

He opened his laptop, his eyes finding me over the screen for a moment. “You’re not the only one who can use a PI.”

“Carl was never that detailed.”

“Mine was.” He went back to his computer, and it felt like the conversation was finished.

I moved around the kitchen, starting to make breakfast, when he spoke again.

“I have a friend who plays for the Raiders. He offered me two tickets for the Sunday game. Would you like to go?”

I froze, then swiveled back around.

Was this a date?

But no… He didn’t look like he was asking me out on a date. He spoke matter-of-factly and business-like.

He stated last night we needed to get to know each other. Was that what this was?