Letting Go (Thatch 1)

I pressed my forehead into his chest and shook my head back and forth. “It’s not. This day won’t end, and the way everyone is looking at me or talking to me is making me feel like I’m failing.”

“Failing?” he asked, and tipped my head back, a soft smirk playing at his lips. “Hardly, Grey. I told you, you just gotta keep moving, and you are. You have been. You’re strong, not everyone sees that because they’re waiting for you to break. Just because they’re expecting you to not be handling this doesn’t mean you’re failing.”

“But they won’t talk about him, they won’t talk about what happened. Graham said I’m not eating, and I’m losing weight. He said Janie’s telling him that she’s worried about me. He said I’m just existing and going through the motions.”

“Fuck Graham. He’s wrong. He’s not with you every day to see how you’re improving.” Jagger’s green eyes bored into mine. “Your family hasn’t seen you much this year while you’ve been getting better, so they don’t know how to handle the situation—especially because of what today is and the fact that you are upset. He’s your brother, he’s going to be worried about you; but, Grey, don’t let him make you feel like you’re not doing better than you should be. Today is an exception. And he just happened to see you on an exception, all right?” His arms tightened around me, and he leaned back until he was pressed up against the wall. “You’re doing fine, I promise.”

He held me until I stopped crying, and released me when I pulled back.

“See? Fine.”

Today was making me question everything; I didn’t think I could agree with him on that. “What are you even doing here?”

“I thought you could use some company since it’s an exception day, but I’m gonna go so you can spend time with your brother,” he said, jerking his head at something behind me.

I looked over my shoulder to see Graham standing against the wall opposite us, his arms crossed over his chest, a strange look on his face. “How long has he been there?” I whispered to Jagger when I turned to face him again.

“The whole time.”

“So he heard you . . .” I had the sudden urge to stand up for Jagger. Graham had hated him ever since we’d become friends when we were nine. But, then again, he hadn’t really ever liked Ben until right before the wedding was supposed to happen, so it could have been an overprotective big-brother thing.

“Yeah, but he knows I’m right.” Jagger’s eyes moved to look behind me, and one eyebrow rose in silent challenge, but Graham never said anything. “Go hang out with—”

“I don’t want to,” I said quickly, cutting him off. “I need to either be alone, or be with someone who knows what it’s like to force yourself to keep moving.”

He looked down at me for a few seconds before nodding. “Okay, let’s go.”

“We’re not staying here?” I asked when he bent down and started shoving things back into my purse.

“No. You want to keep moving, Grey. We can’t do that if we sit in that apartment all night.”

I took my purse from his hand and turned to follow him out of the breezeway, Graham behind us the whole time. Jagger opened the passenger door of his car and shut it behind me after I’d slid in, and I met Graham’s stare from where he stood a few feet from the front of the car.

Graham’s hand shot out, gripping Jagger’s arm as he went to pass him, and I opened the door—ready for who knows what. It’s not like I could stop them if they went at it.

“Make sure she’s okay,” Graham demanded, his gaze hardening when Jagger ripped his arm free.

“What do you think I’ve been doing for the past two years?” Jagger hissed. “She is okay, she’s better than okay. Today sucks for her, but you can’t treat her like she’s made of porcelain because it’s a bad fucking day. She needs to talk about him; she needs to talk about what happened. She doesn’t need the way you all stood there at the graduation staring at her like you had no idea who she was.”

“Do you see her?” Graham asked, getting closer. “Do you see how thin she is?”

“Yeah, I see her. I see her every day. She lost a lot of weight; she’s also put on weight in the last few months. Give her some fucking credit, Graham. Don’t just take Janie’s word for it—Janie isn’t around enough to give you updates on her. You want to know how your sister is doing, ask her yourself. Don’t tell her how she is.” Jagger didn’t wait for him to say anything else; he stalked around the hood of the car and slid into the driver’s seat.

Graham looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to stop me from leaving with Jagger or was relieved I was leaving. When I shut my door, he put a hand over his chest in our silent I love you, and kept his eyes trained on mine until I put my hand over my chest as well, nodding once as Jagger backed out of the spot.

Jagger

May 10, 2014

I LET MY phone fall to the table and sighed loudly as I rubbed my hands over my face. After driving around with the music blasting and windows down for a few hours, we’d come to one of the places we used to always go to before Ben died. They had live music on the weekends and the best diner food in the area.

“Graham?” Grey guessed, and I grunted in confirmation.

“He just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You haven’t,” she began, but paused for a few seconds. “Have you been giving him updates too?”

“Seriously, Grey? Your brother hates me; I didn’t even know he had my number until a few minutes ago. Besides, if I had been giving him updates, he probably wouldn’t have said all that shit to you, and your family wouldn’t have acted like statues at the graduation.”