Eastern Lights (Compass 2)

“So, I need your help. I know you probably miss her, but I need you to hold off for a bit, okay? This is me asking you permission for her hand in marriage. I want to marry her, Grant, so I’m begging you, please…” I took a deep breath as I kneeled down in prayer. I placed my hand against the engraved stone and whispered as the winds brushed against my skin, as tears fell down my eyes, as every part of me began to tremble in fear. “Please Grant…Please…” I cleared my throat and softly said, “Please don’t take her yet.”

After I finished my conversation with Grant, I headed to my car, where Luis was waiting to drive me home.

“You okay, Connor?” he asked me.

“No,” I replied.

I’d never be okay if she wasn’t.

Before he could reply, my phone began ringing and Damian’s name flashed on the screen. Within seconds I answered. “Hey, what’s up?”

“You need to get back to the hospital, Connor. Fast.”

I swore Luis could’ve driven faster, but he did the best he could. My mind couldn’t stop the panic from what was happening to Aaliyah. Damian sounded nervous on the phone. Had things become worse? Was she slipping away? Was I losing her?

Please, don’t let me lose her. Not like this. Not now.

I darted out of the backseat of the car, straight toward the hospital building without even closing the door behind me. I couldn’t waste a second more not knowing about Aaliyah’s condition.

The second I hit the lobby, Damian was waiting for me. He stood up from a chair and walked in my direction.

“What is it? What’s happening? Is she okay? Is she…” I swallowed hard as tears burned at the back of my eyes. “Did she…?”

Die? Was she gone? Fuck, I couldn’t breathe. If she was gone…if she was longer…

“Dude. Calm down. Relax.” Damian placed his hands against my shoulders and locked his dark eyes with mine. Then the corner of his mouth twitch and it turned up into a grin. “They found one.”

“What?”

“They found Aaliyah a heart.”

43

Aaliyah

A heart.

A heart for me.

Damian was there when Dr. Erickson told me the news. I was glad, too, because I needed a hand to hold, and Damian was quick to offer me his.

I always thought when I’d find out there was a heart for me, I’d feel an overwhelming amount of joy, but I felt indescribable guilt. Guilt that someone had to lose their life for mine to continue on. That there were people now grieving the loss of their loved one. That the source of their despair was my triumph.

I felt ill from it all. As if I was cheating death. It all didn’t seem fair.

“Circle of life,” Damian said, still holding my hand. He said it so calmly as if he could tell the places my mind was spiraling. “Every beginning has an end and every ending begins again. This is a good thing, Aaliyah. This is good.”

I nodded my head as Dr. Erickson walked me through everything that was happening. He explained how the family was saying their final goodbyes, and that after they were taken off life support, his team would move full speed ahead to prep me for surgery. And within a few hours, I’d have a new heart.

It all felt surreal, as if I were floating in a dream that was leading me to a future I started to doubt I’d ever have a shot at.

Damian excused himself for a while, as Dr. Erickson kept explaining to me the next steps. When he finished, I was left alone for a moment’s time to sit and think about everything that was happening. I thought about what it meant for me to get this heart, what it meant for another family to lose said heart. Life was complicated in ways I’d never be able to understand.

There was a knock at my door, and I was surprised when I looked up to see Damian standing there with Connor beside him.

I sat up a bit in my bed and tilted my head in confusion. “What are you doing here?” I asked Connor, then I looked to Damian. “You told him?”

“I had to,” he confessed. “He’s my brother.” He patted Connor on the back and nodded once. “I’ll let the two of you talk.”

As Damian left the room, Connor stepped inside.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi,” I replied, uncomfortable with how comfortable he made me. I should’ve hated him. I should’ve told him to leave. I should’ve pushed him away, but instead, I stayed quiet, waiting for him to speak. Waiting to see what he had to say.

He cleared his throat. “You’re getting a new heart.”

“Yes.”

“That’s amazing.”

I stayed quiet.

He moved in closer.

The machines beeped more.

He took a step back.

“Listen, I don’t want to add any more stress to your life, Aaliyah. I get it, you hate me. I don’t blame you. For the past few weeks, I’ve hated myself more than ever before, but please, Aaliyah…let me stay tonight. You’re going into surgery soon, and I can’t be anywhere else but here. I don’t even have to talk to you. I won’t even look at you if you don’t want me to. If you tell me to stare into that corner, I’ll stare all fucking night, but I can’t leave you, okay?