Dirty Wedding

My thoughts refuse to sort. There's too much shit going through my head. All the possibilities of a life with Indigo.

The life I used to imagine.

The paths I can no longer walk.

Indigo: You bring up sex when you don't want to talk about something.

Ty: Did I ask you to call me sir?

Indigo: Yes. You asked if I'd be on my knees after. Were you referring to the two of us attending yoga class?

Ty: That's a new way to celebrate an engagement.

Indigo: If you don't want to discuss this, that's fine. We're already in the cab, on our way to the next venue. Paloma can help. She's probably trying to read this text. She hates being left out.

Ty: She's paid to deal with it.

Indigo: She's still spying.

My assistant won't say anything to anyone. But Indigo doesn't want her knowing this.

I don't want her knowing this.

It's ours. Only ours.

Ty: I want to tell Ian Friday.

Indigo: That gives you three days to propose.

Ty: Did you have anything in mind?

Indigo: Besides you on one knee, with a ring?

Ty: Yes.

Indigo: I want you to surprise me.

Ty: During my three-day time limit?

Indigo: Are you not up for the challenge?

Ty: You know better than to dare me.

Indigo: I know exactly what happens when I dare you, Ty. That's why I dare you.

She's bringing it back to sex this time. I can't exactly complain, but I need a clear head. Especially if I'm going to ask her to submit.

Right now, I don't have it.

I slide my phone into my pocket. Walk to my favorite coffee shop. Order a cold brew. Return to work.

The air-conditioning cools me. The propriety, the people looking at me like they expect something of me—

It's enough to straighten my thoughts.

Mostly.

I wait until I'm alone in my office to check my cell.

She's at the next venue. A grand hotel ballroom. Old money and elite. Too stuffy for her. But Paloma insisted on offering Indie a range of options.

Indigo: I want to tell Sienna. We can tell your brother first. But I want to tell her next.

Ty: She'll probably tell you to go celebrate by fucking my brains out.

Indigo: Probably.

Ty: How do you tell teenagers things? Instagram?

Indigo: I think it's Tik-Tok these days. But she'll only notice if there's a soccer ball in the frame.

Ty: I can write it on a football. Ask her to play.

Indigo: Maybe write it on your chest and take off your shirt.

Ty: Has she told you more about how I'm hot?

Indigo: She's asked for specifics.

Ty: Specifics?

Indigo: You know the specifics.

Ty: I'm not sure I do.

Indigo: What you like. How long you last. How well you fill out your boxers.

Ty: I don't wear boxers.

Indigo: She doesn't know that.

Ty: Did you tell her?

Indigo: That you go commando? Of course not. It's enough she's asking about the size of your cock. I always thought it was only men who are obsessed, but she has a lot of questions.

Ty: Really?

Indigo: I think she wants me to break out a ruler.

Ty: What did you tell her?

Indigo: That it's none of her business.

Ty: Indie.

Indigo: Your ego?

Ty: My ego is fine.

Indigo: You're just worried about her getting the correct information?

Ty: She'll keep asking. If you don't tell her something.

Indigo: I know.

Ty: You like her asking?

Indigo: You like your brother asking about me?

Ty: Maybe he didn't.

Indigo: Of course he did. I saw the way he looked at me. Like he'd heard a very explicit, very dirty story.

Ty: He may have.

Indigo: Oh?

Ty: I'm not so tight-lipped when I'm pissed.

Indigo: I need to get you drunk?

Ty: And take advantage of me?

Indigo: No. I'll be good. Keep my hands to myself.

Ty: Oh?

She's quiet for a few minutes.

Then my phone buzzes with a text from Paloma. Telling me to lay off the flirting so she can do her job.

Indigo: Paloma is insisting I put my phone away. She thinks I'm too distracted…

Ty: Tell her we're talking about the proposal.

Indigo: Doesn't she think we're engaged?

Ty: People get engaged without formal proposals all the time.

Indigo: Maybe.

Ty: I didn't think you'd want one.

Indigo: Me either. But I do.

Ty: Why?

Indigo: I want that moment. Of looking into your eyes, wanting to say yes to spending my life with you.

Would she say yes now? If there weren't any strings? If we were two people who wanted each other?

I can't ask. Not right now. Not when my heart is breaking for her loss.

If she says no—

I might call this off, right here, right now.

And I can't.

I need her.

Ty: And the wild sex after?

Indigo: Maybe it will be in the middle of wild sex. Knowing you.

Ty: Don't tempt me.

Indigo: What do you mean, sir?

It's an offer.

No, it's a request. She wants me to tease her. To answer her dare.

My body whines. It's not confused about what it wants.

Her. Any way.

Every way.

My head is a mess. My heart is a lost cause.