Dirty Wedding

"That one?"

She nods this one.

"Okay. Sure." I stand. Move next to my sister.

"And this one too." She pulls another dress, one with a plunging neckline. "And this." And a third. The most feminine dress Paloma pulled.

A chiffon number fit for a goddess.

I pull her into a tight hug, then I gather the gowns, move into the dressing stall.

The owner knocks. Helps me into the first dress and a pair of silver heels.

I take a deep breath and move into the main room.

"Oh my god." Sienna wipes a tear. "Indie…" She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. Tries to adopt her game face. "You look so bridal."

She moves away from the podium. Watches as I climb the steps. Turn to the mirror.

She's right.

Bright white chiffon with a deep scoop neck, a long skirt, a high thigh slit.

My makeup is a little simple and my hair is a little messy, but, still, I look like a bride.

I blink back a tear.

"You like it?" Sienna's voice is soft. Gentle. Completely unlike her. "I like it. It's sexy. And almost casual. But I want to see the other ones too."

"I do."

"You're ready to get married." She laughs. Looks to the accessories. "Do you think you'll wear a veil?"

"Too old-fashioned."

"A tiara?"

"No. Like this." My eyes go to my reflection. The blunt line of my hair. The silver shadow highlighting my eyes. The wine lipstick. "Do you think it's enough?"

"It's not quite boss babe, but it's pretty."

"And I'm not pretty?"

She waves don't pretend like you're offended. "You're striking. You need more drama. Try the others." She helps me off the podium.

I return to the dressing room. Let the owner help me out of this gown. Into the next.

Ivory silk. Strapless. Straight neckline. Tight bodice. Mermaid skirt.

It's hard walking in the snug skirt, but I manage to make it to the podium.

Sienna looks up at me. "It's nice."

"Nice? That's a word in your vocabulary?"

"I know." She presses her lips together. "But nice feels right. Pretty. Simple. Nice."

She's right. It's a beautiful dress, but it's just nice.

And I don't want nice.

Not in my fiancé, not in my fuck, and not in my things.

I can accept that.

Can Ty?

"Try the next one," Sienna says. "It has the low neckline. It will go over better with your fiancé."

"Is that how we're deciding?"

"You're the one saying you're marrying him for sex."

It's true.

And we make sense there.

It's everything else that's complicated.

I push aside thoughts of love as I change into the next gown, move into the main room, climb the podium.

It hits me the second I catch my reflection.

This is it.

The dress.

I'm marrying Ty in this dress.

"Oh my god." Sienna squeezes my hand. "That's it."

"I think it is."

"Oh my god." She wipes her eyes with her free hand. "Indie… you look… so hot for someone so flat."

A laugh spills from my lips.

"Is that the secret to plunging necklines?" She squeezes my hand. "It must be. You really own them."

"Thanks."

"You look…"

"Not pretty?"

"Better than pretty." She releases my hand. "Stunning."

The gown is perfect. Ivory chiffon with thick straps, a sharp, plunging v, a low back, a flowing skirt.

"Like an angel here to kick ass."

She's right. The dress is equal parts sexy, dramatic, and ethereal.

And I can see it. The skirt blowing in the wind.

Ty standing in front of me. Sliding a ring on my finger. Pulling me into a tight kiss.

"It's perfect," I whisper.

She nods. "You want this one?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"And the other one, for the party?"

"If there's time."

"I'll ask." She moves to the owner. Relays the message.

I stare at my reflection the entire time.

This is it.

The dress I wear when I marry Ty.

Right now, it's obvious.

I want it all. Everything.

Can I have everything?

God, I really want to have everything.

Chapter Forty-Four

Indigo

I make it official.

Order the dress.

Buy Sienna lunch to celebrate.

Text Ty the news.

He replies with a promise to take care of everything else. He knows I'm busy with Sienna's graduation.

All I need to do is show up at our engagement party.

So I let her finals take over my week.

I savor my time with my sister.

I fix breakfast in the mornings, meet Ty at his office for lunch, walk Sienna home. Help her study all night.

I fill the free time in my day with movies and music.

Scales. And songs. No lyrics. I can't sing yet. But I can play. By myself, with no one to see everything wash over me, I can play.

And I do. When I'm not with my sister or my fiancé, it's all I do.

She aces her finals.

We celebrate with gelato, reality TV, trips to her favorite coffee shops around the city.

Before I know it, it's the day of her graduation. She's in a purple robe. I'm in a matching sundress. We're walking to her school.

And Ty is there with me at the ceremony.

He holds my hand as I watch my sister walk across the stage, accept her diploma, send an oh god, I hope she's not crying look in my general direction.