Dirty Wedding

He wouldn't do it.

But if he did, I'm not sure I'd have denied him.

I'm not sure I would have denied myself.

I need him so fucking badly.

"You must think I'm horrible," I say.

Not in the way she means.

"I'm at your engagement party asking if you slept with your fiancé when he was still with me."

"You asked tactfully," I say. "I barely noticed."

She smiles. "You're lying."

"A little."

"Please, ignore me if you want. Or ask me to leave."

"You don't need the preface." I finish my drink. Set it on the table behind me. "You've already asked if he cheated with me."

"I didn't mean to accuse you."

"I know."

"I'm not here for answers."

She is. But I understand that. And I understand not being able to admit it too.

"I want him to be happy."

"Were you hoping he'd cheated?" The words fall from my lips. It's over the line. But then she did ask if I fucked him. We're not exactly exchanging small talk.

"I was sure he did."

"It's not in his nature."

"No. But people react when they're backed into a corner."

Is that how she saw it? How he saw it? Backed into a corner because he couldn't admit what he wanted.

Either he lost the woman he loved or he denied this part of himself.

Maybe he wasn't in a corner, exactly, but he was stuck.

She continues, "Things were different when he came back from New York. Every time he came back from New York. But especially two years ago. I was sure he'd seen you. I didn't know if he'd slept with you, but I was sure he'd seen you, sure it had changed something."

"Changed what?"

"What he wanted." She finishes her glass. "I know it's none of my business, but I have to ask. What is he like with you?"

"What is he like?"

"You know what I'm asking."

I do. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth," she says.

"You're right. It's none of your business."

"I know."

As much as I want to tell her to fuck off for asking, I can't. I know how it feels to lose Ty. We lost different parts of him, but we both lost him. "He's rough."

"And he's always—"

"Yes."

"Was it his idea?"

"His. But I… I ask him for more. I push him as much as he pushes me."

She runs her finger over the stem of her glass. "Has he always wanted that?"

"You'd have to ask him."

"Of course." She nods. "I'm sorry. I should go—"

"Is that why you left? Because you didn't want that?"

"No. Ty… he suggested it once. I tried. I wanted to be adventurous. Open. I told myself I was, but I wasn't. My… I didn't take it well."

There's something there, some history, but it's obvious she doesn't want to tell me.

"He acted as if it was a whim," she says. "I knew there was something missing. But… he convinced me it wasn't that."

"And you think it was?"

"I don't know. He was different after. Hiding some part of himself. For a long time, I looked. Eventually, I realized I wouldn't find it. I wouldn't have all of him."

"And you thought, maybe, he got what he wanted somewhere else. And that's why he shut you out."

"Yes, but you're right. He wouldn't. It's not in his nature. It just… what is it they say? Sometimes the simplest explanation is the right one."

And that is the simplest.

He didn't get what he wanted, so he found it somewhere else, then he locked her out.

If it was anyone else, I'd believe that story. I'd be sure he was lying about his fidelity.

But it's not someone else.

It's Ty.

He's loyal to a fault.

He'd stay no matter what.

"I'm sorry for intruding, really." She holds out her hand. "I am here to offer my congratulations."

"You flew across the Atlantic to offer your congratulations?"

"I've always wanted to see New York."

"It's the greatest city in the world."

She looks to the Empire State Building. "I can see the appeal. And I… I really do want you to be happy. Both of you. Are you?"

"We are."

She sighs with her entire body. "He loves you. I want that for him. Really, Indigo. I hope the two of you are together forever."

I shake her hand.

"Be good to him." She releases my hand. Turns to the main room.

To Ty, standing at the bar, watching us talk.

He waits. Says goodbye to her as she passes.

Crosses the room to me.

"Are you okay?" He wraps his arms around me. Pulls me into a tight embrace. Holds me like he'll never let go.

He won't.

This promise we're about to make—

He means it.

Forever.

And I want that so badly. To be his forever.

But I've been lying to myself.

I need all of it.

Not just his body. Not just his loyalty.

His love.

"I have to ask you something," I say.

He presses his lips to my neck. "Can it wait?"

"No."

He turns me around. Brings his hand to my cheek. "What's wrong, baby?"