Hold the Forevers

“Oh my God.”

“Yes,” he groaned as he pushed back in. “You … fuck, Lila. You feel so fucking good. I’ve wanted this for so long.”

I brought my legs up to his hips as he picked up a rhythm, pulling out and pushing back into me. My legs were trembling. My body rigid with unceasing pleasure. I didn’t know what I was feeling or where it was building. Just Ash on top of me and everything coalescing into this one moment.

“I’m … close,” he said, dropping his head into my shoulder.

Then, he moved faster. A lot faster. I gasped as the pleasure shifted closer to pain. A good pain but still … pain. Still too fast and too much. And I couldn’t slow him down, but part of me didn’t want to.

My fingers dug into his biceps. “Ash, too … fast. Too fast.”

“I know,” he growled into my neck. “I know. I’m so close, Lila.”

“Please,” I whispered.

And that sent him over the edge. He shouted his pleasure into the bedroom, tipping his head back and shuddering as he finished inside of me.

I still hovered at the edge. Close to the brink but not there yet. But I was too young, too embarrassed to ask for it.

Ash finally stopped. He pulled out of me, and I winced.

“Oh, Lila, are you okay?” he asked, suddenly worried.

“Just a little sore.”

“I think that’s normal.”

I nodded as he removed the condom and tossed it in a trash can. I got up to use the bathroom. There was a little bit of blood but nothing like what Josie had said for her first time. That was good at least. I cleaned up and then came out to find him lounging back on the bed. He patted the space next to him.

I climbed into his arms, resting my head against his shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He ran his hand up and down my arm. “Was it good? Everything you expected?”

“Everything and more.” I looked up into his bright blue eyes. “I’m glad we didn’t wait.”

“Me too.”

10

Duke

September 12, 2008

“One more time through, and then that’s a wrap. Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight,” I called out.

The dancers moved into formation just as the music came through the speakers inside the studio. Marley was on the Duke dance team and had gotten me to come in for a weekend to teach a sideline routine for the semester. I loved the energy in choreographing. Plus, it was this amazing opportunity to work with new dancers and to see my best friend for the weekend.

“Yes!” I cried as they executed the lift perfectly for the first time all rehearsal.

I jumped in for the end, hitting the calypso at the crest and spinning out of it before moving straight into the final turn section. We all ended in a panting mess. A victory if I’d ever heard of one.

“Thanks, Lila,” Hilary said as we all packed up our bags. “We were so glad when Marley suggested bringing you in. This is going to kill on the field this year.”

“I can’t wait to see videos!”

Marley guzzled from her water bottle as we headed out of Wilson Recreational Center and out into the fall North Carolina weather. The trees were turning colors, and the walk on campus was stunning. Georgia was all 1700s red brick everywhere you looked, but Duke was more like a gray-slate castle. Especially with the enormous chapel at the heart of it. Made me think more of being home in Savannah.

“You killed it,” Marley said.

“It was so much fun, choreographing. I get some of that at Georgia but not like this.”

This was pretty much the best way I could think of kicking off our sophomore year of college. I’d moved into an apartment with Channing, and then promptly driven up to Durham to see my best friend for a dance weekend. Just like old times.

I fished out my phone and saw a text from Cole.

We made a mistake. I should have come with you this weekend.

I laughed and typed back.

You have an away game. They need you on the field. #godawgs

Still.

It’s three days.

You were gone all summer.

You visited four times in three months, and I came to Atlanta twice!

And?

And I’ll be back in three days.

Don’t have too much fun without me.

Win a football game for me today.

“Earth to Lila,” Marley said. She waved a hand in front of my face.

“Sorry. Cole was texting me.”

“Obviously. But … I actually have some exciting news. I meant to tell you last night when you drove in, and, well …”

“Spit it out, Mars.”

“I have a boyfriend!”

“Oh my God!” I jumped up and down for her. “Who is he? How did you meet? Give me all the info.”

“Well, his name is Samar. We met in Chemistry, and he asked me out last week. He’s so cute and sweet and ugh! I’m so happy.”