Tequila Rose (Tequila Rose 1)

Tell him, tell him, I will myself but instead all I say is, “I drove.”

“Right,” he says then shakes his head in a boyish way but the smile that slips onto his lips is all charming man. “I knew that.”

The little voice is quiet and so are both of us. He leans in again, his hand cupping the back of my head to give me a sweet goodbye kiss, but when he pulls away, he nips my bottom lip. A shy laugh slips out from me.

I’m still looking down at the worn wood of the pier, disappointed with myself but unable to stop myself from falling.

His thumb on my chin is what forces me to meet his ever-questioning gaze. “I’ll text you tonight?” He says the statement like it’s a question and all I can do is nod.

With his hand outstretched, he attempts to help me up but I tell him I’m going to stay here another minute. All I’m left with is a salty breeze and an achy heart. And guilt. So much guilt.

When I tell him now, I already know he’s going to ask why I didn’t tell him sooner.

And it’s because I’m selfish, because I want to feel this warmth of falling for him again. I want to feel wanted. It’s not until after he’s already gone that I let the tears slip out. This is something I know I can never have. And Bridget deserves better.

The keys jingle in my hand and my flip-flops slap on the sidewalk as I make my way up to my front door. I’m so focused on the plan I laid out that I don’t notice anyone’s there waiting for me on the wicker chair out front.

“The sun’s kissing you more than I am.” Robert’s voice startles me and when I jump back with a gasp, he throws his hands up. With a charming smile on his lips, he huffs a laugh and apologizes. “Shit, I’m sorry, Mags,” he says and the laugh lingers in his voice.

With a hand placed over my racing heart, I smile back at him. “I didn’t see you there.”

“I can tell,” he jokes and the air is easy between us.

“I have to run but I just wanted to drop this off for Bridget,” he tells me and holds out a stuffed bear. There’s obviously something hard in the ears and when he squeezes it the ears spin.

“Ooh, it’s … oh what’s it called?”

“Buzzy the Bear.” He shrugs and hands it to me. It’s not wrapped and still has the tag on it. He never wraps them, never tells Bridget the toys are from him. They’re for me to give to her because he knows how much I struggle. It’s hard to do anything really on a single income in this town. If guilt could kill someone, I’d be struck dead here on my front porch. Instead my fingers just go numb and my throat tight.

“Thanks,” I say and have to clear my throat, holding the bear with both hands. “They have one at daycare and she threw a fit the other day when she couldn’t take the darn thing home.”

“I know … I heard. She’s coming along good with the transition; little social butterfly.”

An unwarranted huff leaves me. “Of course you heard. Is there anything this town doesn’t talk about?” My ears burn at the rhetorical question, knowing that kiss on the pier is going to make its rounds.

“I just asked Trent how she was doing is all,” Robert replies and a certain look flashes in his eyes. Maybe it’s doubt, but possibly regret.

Pushing the hair out of my face, I clear my head and apologize. “Sorry, I just … long day.” The excuse is a pathetic one, but it works to ease the worry from his face.

“You been crying?” he asks and a different look replaces the one that was just there.

“No,” I lie and his head tilts in an instant.

“It’s not a problem. Just … just life.”

“You need me to do anything?” he asks and I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat.

“You don’t need to be my hero,” I answer with something I’ve said a dozen times before. When he slips his hand into his pocket to grab his keys, he replies with what he’s said a dozen times too. “Maybe I want to be your hero.”

I can only smile when he leaves a quick kiss on my cheek. The opposite one to where Brody kissed me. My words and every confession threaten to strangle me.

What am I doing?

“See you soon?” he asks and he sounds hopeful. It’s different from usual.

“Yeah, of course,” I answer him and watch the man I once loved with everything in me leave. A man who’s protected me and helped me when he didn’t have to.

If this were another life, today would have been a fairytale. Brody would be my fairytale prince. But this is real life and mine doesn’t fit with his. Instead, I cry myself to sleep, and promise myself that I’ll tell both of them tomorrow. I have to make the promise over and over again just so I can fall asleep, Brody’s text going unread on my phone.