Reflected in You (Crossfire 2)

My mom stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the elevator, and then at the last minute she turned back.

She placed her palm over my dad's heart and lifted onto her tiptoes, kissing one of his cheeks and then the other.

"Good-bye," she breathed.

I watched her walk unsteadily to the elevator and push the button, her back to us.

My dad didn't look away until the car doors closed behind her.

He exhaled in a rush and came into my apartment.

I shut the door.

"How is it that I didn't know you two are crazy in love with each other?" The look in his eyes was painful to witness.

The raw agony was like an open wound.

"Because it doesn't mean anything."

"I don't believe that.

Love means everything."

"It doesn't conquer all like they say."

He snorted.

"Can you see your mother being a cop's wife?" I winced.

"Right," he said dryly, wiping his forehead with his shirt.

"Sometimes love isn't enough.

And if it's not enough, what good is it?" The bitterness I heard in his words was something I knew very well myself.

I passed him and went into the kitchen.

My dad followed me.

"Are you in love with Gideon Cross?" "Isn't it obvious?" "Is he in love with you?" Because I just didn't have the energy, I dumped my mug in the sink and pulled out new ones for me and my dad.

"I don't know.

I know he wants me, and sometimes he needs me.

I think he'd do anything he could for me if I asked, because I've gotten under his skin a bit."

But he couldn't tell me that he loved me.

He wouldn't tell me about his past.

And he couldn't, apparently, live with the evidence of my past.

"You've got a good head on your shoulders."

I pulled coffee beans out of the freezer to make a fresh pot.

"That's seriously debatable, Dad."

"You're honest with yourself.

That's a good trait to have."

He gave me a tight smile when I looked over my shoulder at him.

"I used your tablet earlier to check my e-mail.

It was on the coffee table.

I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head.

"Help yourself."

"I surfed the Internet while I was on there.

Wanted to see what popped up about Cross."

My heart sank a little.

"You don't like him."

"I'm withholding judgment."

My dad's voice faded as he moved into the living room, then strengthened again as he returned with my tablet in hand.

As I ground the beans, he flipped open the tablet's protective case and started tapping at the screen.

"I had a hard time getting a bead on him last night.

I just wanted a little more information.

I found some pictures of the two of you together that looked promising."

He gaze was on the screen.

"Then I found something else."

He turned the tablet around to face me.

"Can you explain this to me? Is this another sister of his?" Leaving the ground coffee to sit, I moved closer, my eyes on the article my dad had found on Page Six.

The picture was of Gideon and Corinne at some sort of cocktail party.

He had his arm around her waist, and their body language was familiar and intimate.

He was very close to her, his lips nearly touching her temple.

She had a drink in her hand and was laughing.

I picked up the tablet and read the caption: Gideon Cross, CEO of Cross Industries, and Corinne Giroux at the Kingsman Vodka publicity mixer.

My fingers shook as I scrolled to the top of the page and read the brief article, searching for more information.

I went numb when I saw the mixer had been Thursday, from six to nine, at one of Gideon's properties - one I knew all too well.

He'd f**ked me there, just as he'd f**ked dozens of women there.

Gideon had stood me up for our appointment with Dr.

Petersen to take Corinne to his f**k-pad hotel.

That was what he'd wanted to tell the detectives that he didn't want me to hear: His alibi was an evening - maybe the whole night - spent with another woman.

Setting the tablet down with more care than necessary, I released the breath I'd been holding.

"That's not his sister."

"I didn't think so."

I looked at him.

"Could you do me a favor and finish making the coffee? I have a call to make."

"Sure.

Then I'm going to grab a shower."

He reached over and set his hand on top of mine.

"Let's go out and erase this whole morning.

Sound good?" "Sounds perfect."

I grabbed the phone off its base and went back to my bedroom.

I hit the speed dial for Gideon's cell and waited for him to pick up.

Three rings later, he did."Cross," he said, although his screen would've told him it was me.

"I really can't talk right now."

"Then just listen.

I'll time myself.

One minute.

One goddamn minute of your time.

Can you give me that?" "I really - " "Did Nathan come to you with photos of me?" "This isn't - " "Did he?" I snapped.

"Yes," he bit out.

"Did you look at them?" There was a long pause, then, "Yes."

I exhaled.

"Okay.

I think you're a total ass**le for letting me go to Dr.

Petersen's office when you knew you weren't coming because you were going out with another woman instead.

That's just serious douchebag territory, Gideon.

And worse, it was a Kingsman event, too, which should've had some sentimental value to you, considering that's how - " There was the abrupt scraping noise of a chair being shoved back.

I rushed on, desperate to say what needed to be said before he hung up.

"I think you're a coward for not coming right out and saying we're over, especially before you started f**king around with someone else."

"Eva.

Goddamn it."

"But I want you to know that even though the way you've handled this is f**king wrong and you've broken my heart into millions of tiny pieces and I've lost all respect for you, I don't blame you for how you feel after seeing those pictures of me.

I get it."

"Stop."

His voice was little more than a whisper, making me wonder if Corinne was with him even now.

"I don't want you to blame yourself, okay? After what you and I have been through - not that I know what you've been through because you never told me - but anyway ."

I sighed and winced at how shaky it came out.

Worse, when I opened my mouth again, my words were watery with tears.

"Don't blame yourself.

I don't.

I just want you to know that."

"Christ," he breathed.

"Please stop, Eva."

"I'm done.I hope you find - " My hand clenched in my lap.

"Never mind.Good-bye."

I hung up and dropped the phone on my bed.

I stripped off my clothes on the way to the shower and set the ring Gideon had given me on the counter.

I turned the water on as hot as I could stand it and sank numbly to the floor of the stall.

I had nothing left.

Chapter 17

For the rest of Saturday and Sunday, my dad and I bounced all over the city.

I made sure he did the food thing, taking him to Junior's for cheesecake, Gray's Papaya for hot dogs, and John's for pizza, which we took back to the apartment to share with Cary.

We went up to the top of the Empire State Building, which also satisfied the Statue of Liberty requirement as far as my dad was concerned.

We enjoyed a matinee show on Broadway.

We walked to Times Square, which was hot and crowded and smelled awful but had some interesting - and a few half- na**d - street performers.

I snapped pictures with my phone and sent them to Cary for a laugh.

My dad was impressed with the emergency responder presence in the city and liked seeing the police officers on horseback as much as I did.

We took a ride around Central Park in a horse- drawn carriage and braved the subway together.

I took him to Rockefeller Center and Macy's and the Crossfire, which he admitted was an impressive building more than capable of holding its own among other impressive buildings.

But through it all, we were just hanging out.

Mostly walking and talking and simply being together.

I finally learned how he'd met my mom.

Her sleek little sports car had gotten a flat tire and she'd ended up at the auto shop where he was working.

Their story reminded me of the old Billy Joel hit "Uptown Girl," and I told him so.

My dad laughed and said it was one of his favorite songs.

He said he could still see her sliding out from behind the wheel of her expensive little toy car and rocking his world.

She was the most beautiful thing he'd seen before or since .

until I came along.

"Do you resent her, Daddy?" "I used to."

He put his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm never going to forgive her for not giving you my last name when you were born.

But I'm not mad about the money thing anymore.

I'd never be able to make her happy in the long run, and she knew herself enough to know that."

I nodded, feeling sorry for all of us.

"And really" - he sighed and rested his cheek against the top of my head for a moment - "as much as I wish I could give you all the things her husbands can, I'm just glad you're getting them.

I'm not too proud to appreciate that your life is better because of her choices.

And I'm not upset with my lot.

I've got a good life that makes me happy and a daughter who makes me so damn proud.

I consider myself a rich man because there's nothing in this world I want that I don't already have."

I stopped walking and hugged him.

"I love you, Daddy.

I'm so happy you're here."

His arms came around me, and I thought I just might be all right eventually.

Both my mom and my dad were living fulfilling lives without the one they loved.

I could do it, too.

* * *

I fell into a depression after my dad left.

The next few days crawled by.

Every day I told myself I wasn't waiting on some sort of contact from Gideon, but when I crawled into bed at night, I cried myself to sleep because another day had ended without a word from him.

The people around me worried.

Steven and Mark were overly solicitous at lunch on Wednesday.

We went to the Mexican restaurant where Shawna worked, and the three of them tried so hard to make me laugh and enjoy myself.

I did, because I loved spending time with all three of them and hated the concern I saw in their eyes, but there was a hole inside me that nothing could fill and a niggling worry about the investigation into Nathan's death.

My mom called me every day, asking if the police had contacted me again - they hadn't - and filling me in if the police had contacted her or Stanton that day.

I worried that they were circling around Stanton, but I had to believe that because my stepfather was obviously innocent, there was nothing for them to find.

Still .

I wondered if they would end up finding anything.

It was obviously a homicide or they wouldn't be investigating.

With Nathan being new to the city, who did he know who'd want to kill him? In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think that Gideon had arranged it.