Owning Olivia

“He’s really a very sweet man underneath all the gruffness. He’s incredibly good to those who matter to him and I think you matter to him more than you could possibly know.”

“They why does he constantly run from me? One minute, I feel like we’re connecting, getting closer, and then his mood switches and he pulls away.”

“Olivia, you’ve only been here a day, it’s a lot to adjust to.”

I started to fidget with the ring on my middle finger, twirling it back and forth. Aunt Annie gently placed her hand on mine forcing me to look up. She was right; I was being irrational and impatient.

“Sometimes our past is so abhorrent that it doesn’t let us clearly see the future. Just be patient with him and stay the course. Patience and understanding may be the best gift that’s been given to either of you. He’s just scared of risking what he can’t control.”

I let Aunt Annie’s words sink in. I had a hard time believing that Silas, a man who caused everyone in his vicinity to tremble in terror would be scared of anything—least of all, me. But I was willing to be patient and wait. I had nothing to lose.

7

Silas

The sound of the wind circled around me as I cut through it. I ran for what seemed like hours, until my legs started to shake and give out from under me. Eventually I stopped at the guest house. I sat down in the nook and looked around at the roses that surrounded me. The intense colors were so beautiful, blood red, sunny yellow, and crisp white. I could smell the fragrance they emitted in the night air, the subtle notes of clove, fruit, and nasturtium. The rose garden was what drew me to this house. I’d sit in the middle of one of the stone benches and just stare out, contemplating their fragile beauty.

I walked over to a deep red rose and brushed my fingers along the edges of the delicate silky petals, which reminded me of the softness of Olivia’s skin. Olivia was like the roses, delicate refined, but deceivingly resilient. Whereas I was like a cold harsh winter, crushing her blossom in my wake. I didn’t want to be the reason she felt dejected. I didn’t want to add any more pain to what she’d already endured in her short life. I wanted to be her anchor—to be there for her—come hell or come high water. There was no way I could do it if I couldn’t get ahold of myself. I was a fucking idiot.

I pulled the pruning shears from the wall of the shed and started snipping roses, red, white, yellow, and pink. Cutting the roses had never been my style, but I was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to take an armful of the blossoms into the house.

When I finally had enough, I got up to run back. This time, I wasn’t running away from a nightmare I couldn’t control, but rather running toward hope, toward Olivia. Holding back was a waste of precious time, I wanted to own every single moment with her.

When I got back to the house, I’d worked up quite a sweat. I couldn’t tell if my rapid heartbeat was from the run or caused by desire to see Olivia. I closed the door and started for her room when I heard soft cries coming from the kitchen.

Olivia.

As if on auto pilot, I ran to her. The idea of her crying because of me gutted me. I felt knots forming in my stomach. I knew I had to make it right. I’d stop being an idiot and make it all up to her. She needed to know that what happened between us wasn’t about her at all. That if my history weren’t so fucked up, I could have been more of a man for her.

When I entered the kitchen, I saw Olivia weeping in Annie’s arms. The sound of her mournful cries made me feel even worse than I already did.

“Olivia we need to talk.”

When she turned to look at me her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. I’d tried so hard to be careful—to protect her from pain and to see her like this was a dagger to my heart. I’d failed already in less than a day.

“It will be alright, sweetheart. This dumb lug will take care of everything. And if he doesn’t, come get me and I’ll give him a good thrashing.” Annie told her, sending the look of death my way. I knew I deserved her wrath. I smiled at the fact that she was comfortable enough around me to call me out on my bullshit. I noticed Olivia nod. Aunt Annie came up to me moving like a tornado, wagging her index finger in my face.

“He’s her father and I don’t care what you think of him. He’s the only parent this child has left and she feels a duty to him. Do you want to be responsible for her missing a chance to say goodbye? Can you sit with that for the rest of your life?”