What If

I need him.

“Jessie.” Heather’s voice cuts through the buzzing in my head. “You okay?”

I shake my head. There is no more “I’m fine,” left in me.

“No.” I choke out sobs once again, shaking my body, and my hand comes up to cover the ugly cry that now feels like it will be my constant companion. “I’m not. I’m not okay. I’m not.” Every word comes out between a gasp for air that isn’t there.

Heather’s arms come around me and guides me to sit as my knees give out. I lower my face down to the tops of my legs, clutching the phone like it’s a life preserver in a hurricane.

Through my crying, Torin’s text tone hits me again, this time like a knife in my heart. I don’t want to look. I don’t want to read more of the beautiful words from the beautiful man that made me believe for a brief and shining moment that fairy tales could come true.

But not for me.

I lift my head, swipe at the snot on my upper lip and try to quell the convulsive shaking of my shoulders. I hope like hell this little show of weakness won’t somehow be transmitted to my new comrades here. I can’t imagine that would increase my street cred.

God, did I just say, ‘street cred’?

“Are you going to see what he said?” Heather asks, sitting next to me, a reassuring hand resting between my shoulder blades.

I nod, pushing up, resting my forearms on my knees and turning the phone over to look at the screen.

Torin: You need to know one thing…

I wait for what is coming next.

For the one thing…

And wait.

Funny how a few seconds can be filled with enough time to fill weeks. Months.

When the next text finally comes, my lungs are burning from the breath I’ve been holding.

Torin: I will never, ever do anything to make you cry like you are right now and if anyone else does, I’ll make sure they never do it again. Baby, stop crying. It’s time to come home.

I read the words, and the buzzing in my head turns to a spinning. Confusion swirls around me as I read and re-read the text.

I see Mitchell’s shoes come into my line of vision as I look down at the floor. I adjust my focus upward up to see him smiling. I glance at Heather, who is looking at Mitchell, then saying something, her eyes widen as she turns to stare at the door.

I re-read the text feeling Heather’s hand on my back turn to a series of soft pats.

“Jessie.” She taps me again, her eyes on the entryway. “Look.”

The whole world turns black, all time and space have no meaning as my limbs work on their own and voices and sounds all merge into a deafening hum. Something is happening to me, something I can’t grasp, and my mind just shuts down.

And the next thing I know, the air smells so fresh. The sky is so blue.

“What just happened?” I gasp as I watch Heather and Mitchell head down the sidewalk toward their car, holding hands. There seems to have been a gap in time, and I’m trying desperately to play catch up.

Torin has me off my feet, spinning me around, his lips then his teeth on the curve of my neck. His arms are locked around me so tight it’s a struggle to take in any air.

His voice is in my ear, “What should have happened, that’s what happened.”

Then, I remember looking up and seeing Torin standing in the doorway, everything gets fuzzy.

There was Mitchell, shaking Torin’s hand. Heather was crying and laughing.

Next thing I know, Torin lifts me out of the chair, pulling my body up against his and his lips are on my mouth.

Mitchell’s voice was there, in bursts I heard him saying all the charges were dropped. New witnesses came forward, and I was exonerated—not only of the current charges but of the charges from when I was eighteen.

This must be a dream.

My psyche has broken. Fractured.

I’ve created this alternate reality.

It’s finally happened. I’ve cracked.

Chapter 15

Torin

“Where are we going?”

We’ve been driving for an hour. I can barely form words or keep my eyes on the road, but the reward of discipline will be worth it.

“It’s a surprise.”

“What exactly happened?”

“Justice,” I grunt, squeezing her hand, which I have refused to let go of since I walked her out of the waiting area at the prison.

As much as I wanted to fuck her right there in the parking lot, with all the security cameras around, we would both have ended up on the wrong side of the law again, and anything that threatens to separate us is out of the question.

“I want you to understand.” I clear my throat and squeeze her hand until she’s looking at me. “You are it for me. I knew it the day you walked into the bar. Something inside me has changed forever, Jessie. You are wound into my soul. I cannot separate me from you in that way anymore. We are our own people, but we are woven together. I would have never left you. I gave you what you needed to be safe, but I never left you. I watched you, I followed you. I waited for you. And I would have waited forever for you. Until you were ready. I would have been there. I want you to know that, baby. I would have waited for you.”