Let Go

I should go back, but there’s a flicker of light ahead and I wonder if I’m seeing things. Visions have been haunting me since I left the cabin and I hear my father’s voice telling me to be aware of the signs around me and follow what feels right.

Pushing ahead on the trail, the ground is slick, and the trees look as though they are covered in glass. Light reflects in odd arcs and the flicker I saw ahead of me streams out onto the path again.

I see a small cabin in the distance. It’s about a quarter the size of the one I’m staying in. The light disappears again but as I come up closer, I see a small porch and a silver blanket covering a hunched figure. “Hey, you okay?” I step around closer and the shape under the blanket shifts then freezes. “It’s not a good night to be out here. I’ve got a cabin, it’s not much but it’s warm and I can offer you a bite to eat.”

I take one of the two steps going up to the tiny sheltered overhang and a hand comes out to pull down the silver fabric.

I nearly topple backwards as those eyes that seem to hold stories about how my life will unfold from here pierce through the dark and wrap beams of white light around my heart.

I’m on my knees in front of her in the next second, unable to fathom how many coincidences brought me here.

“I’m okay.” She forces the words out, shaking, and I see a blue tint to her full lips.

“You’re not okay, but you’re going to be.” I grit out. I glance around, see a backpack leaning against the wall and grab it. After I hitch it up onto my shoulders, I reach down, find the crook of her legs with my forearm, sweep my other arm around her back and pull her up and against me.

“I said I’m okay.” Her words are tight, but she doesn’t fight me. In fact, one of her arms comes up to lock around the back of my neck like she’s holding on for dear life. As I take a step backward, I see the flash of a blade in her other hand. I nearly fall down the steps onto my ass, but there’s no way I’m dropping her. “I said I’m okay.” She repeats but I hear no malice or fear in her words.

I’ve got her against me now and I never want to let go. As I touch her, my mind is inundated with visions of us laughing together. Me kissing her. Her naked, under me, calling my name.

Before I get us on the path toward my cabin, I bend my leg, placing one foot on the steps and supporting her weight there as I release my hand from the crook of her legs. I take hold of the bowie knife and try to pry it from her fingers as I whisper into her ear, over and over, “Let go. I’ve got you now.”

4

Teah

I take a deep breath, the scent of him washing through me like a tidal wave of safety.

I’ve spent plenty of nights outside. Just part of how I grew up. My parents thought it was a necessary skill.

Only last night, soaking wet, unsure where I would be tomorrow, what my life would become, I’d dropped my forehead to my knees, shivering and sobbing until my fingers and toes were numb and I gave in to the realization that I had no idea what was next for me.

Seems I didn’t fit into my old life. And the new one wasn’t what I’d hoped for either.

I had no idea where I was supposed to go. What I was supposed to do. Where I belonged.

Huddled on the porch I was dancing the light from my flashlight on the ice-covered trees, listening to the fall of branches all around me, wondering if the sharp pain of one falling on the roof of the tiny porch could be the way I go out.

I’ve barely lived. I’m just twenty-one years old and this is my first time out in the world without my parents to guard my every thought and give me editorial on all the evils of society.

Now, I’m holding onto a neck so solid it feels like a sturdy tree meant to anchor me. His voice in my ear, telling me everything will be okay, and his arms wrapped around me so tight I feel I’m becoming part of him.

When his arms first looped around me, another vision enveloped me, only this time it felt comfortable. I saw us together, me sitting on a countertop as he made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Even in the dim light from the crazy red moon, I took in his features. I knew it was the man from the restaurant and it was as though a movie starring us began playing in my head.