Xavier (Vigilance 4)

“You’re speaking very freely.”

“I know you need assistance, and the Theriots are good people. Your team is worried about you and Emilio, and they want to make sure you’re protected on the island since you want to stay there.”

“I’m not dragging this out or involving more people than necessary.”

“You’re doing exactly what I would do, bringing the fight to you so you can end it.”

“Even if Peter was there?”

“Holy shit. Giorgio was right. You and Emilio?”

Damn Giorgio and his big mouth. “That was a hypothetical question. It doesn’t have anything—”

“I’d send Peter home, but he would do everything he could to stay.”

“And if he wasn’t safe at home?”

“Then I wouldn’t let him out of my sight until I had to, and when I did, I’d make sure he was hidden and safe.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Lucien started to say something else, but I ended the call.

When I reached my room, Emilio was tucked into my bed. He was sound asleep, which was extra disappointing since he was wearing nothing but a pair of tiny red briefs that Dalton must have picked out. His position on his stomach tempted me to pull them down and see how quickly I could wake him, but he needed sleep. I did too, though I wasn’t sure that was going to happen.

Surprisingly, once I stripped off my boxer briefs, climbed into bed, and snuggled against Emilio, I fell asleep almost immediately. I’d never been fond of having someone share my bed after sex. I tended to be a restless sleeper and having another person there distracted me, but it wasn’t like that with Emilio. Pulling him into my arms calmed me. He made me feel like I was where I needed to be, who I needed to be, instead of someone who was never quite at home anywhere.

I woke trapped in the desert, smoke surrounding me, heat beating down on my back as I lay in the sand. I had to move. I had to get out of there.

How many times had I relived this? I could never escape, but I always had to try.

Another explosion sounded nearby. I pushed to my feet and started to run, but when I looked back, it wasn’t the enemy chasing me, it was Emilio. He called to me, begging me to stop running, but I couldn’t. I could barely breathe as it was, and if I stopped, if I let him catch up to me, I knew I’d lose the ability to breathe at all. I wasn’t what he thought, wasn’t who he needed. I couldn’t fit any other identities into my life.

You belong with Emilio.

“No!” I screamed at the voice in my head.

“You’re mine, Xavier.” Emilio had never used that name before.

He’s right. You’re his.

But I couldn’t be. I couldn’t split myself any further. He deserved more of me than I had left. I glanced over my shoulder again. He was closer, he was reaching out—

I sat up, gasping and covered in sweat. Slowly, I registered the cool room and soft sheets. I wasn’t in the desert. I was on my island, a place where I was supposed to find peace, but I wasn’t sure peace was something I could have.

Emilio stirred beside me, but he didn’t wake up.

I slipped from the bed. I needed to get out of there, to think outside where I wouldn’t feel confined.

I pulled my pants back on, shoved my gun into the waistband, grabbed my phone, and slid open the balcony door.

“X?” Emilio’s sleepy voice made me freeze. “Where ya goin’?”

“I heard something. I’m going to check on it. Stay here.” He started to protest. “Promise me you won’t leave this room.”

I left the second he assented. It wasn’t until I stepped onto the cool tile of the pool deck that I was able to draw in a deep breath.

I paced back and forth from the house to the fence and considered going back along the path I’d walked earlier with Emilio, but I didn’t want to go far from him. If someone breached my security again, I needed to be close to protect him.

I wasn’t really going to run from him, no matter what had happened in my dream. I was… I stopped, looking at the sparkling water, wishing a swim would be enough to clear my head. It wouldn’t.

I had to figure this out, though. I had to find a way to keep Emilio, but how? I’d refused to admit it, even to the members of my team, but I was pushing myself too hard, trying to be too much, and this was one more complication. It would be logical to stop things right now, but the way I felt about Emilio defied logic. I wanted him, and there had to be a way for us to be together because I always got what I wanted. I didn’t believe in failure.