Xavier (Vigilance 4)

When I stepped back into the main room, X was pacing as he spoke into the radio, his expression focused and intent. All the heat and playfulness from before were gone. He was in mission mode. I knew that was how it had to be, but I wished we’d had time for him to hold me.

I was shaking, partly from the aftermath of what we just done, partly from the massive amounts of caffeine I’d already downed that morning, and partly from fear. X needed to stay safe. I needed to do everything I could to protect him. He thought he didn’t need that, but I knew he did. I knew his team felt the same way.

“Give me five. Out.”

He looked up at me then and set the radio back on the table.

“The enemy is approaching. We all need to get in position.”

“You should stay here.” The words burst from me unbidden.

“Emilio, I’ll—”

“Don’t tell me you’ll be fine because I know that might not be the case. You run right into danger. It’s what you do, but if you… If you’re going to do that now, I want to do it with you.”

“No, baby, no. I won’t let you risk yourself like that. We need you here. No one else can do what you can do.”

“Then stay with me.”

“I can’t.”

I hesitated. I knew it was wrong to use his own fears against him, but his life was at stake. In that moment, all I could think was that I desperately needed to save him.

“If you believe you’re responsible for your family, for the foundation, for Vigilance, then shouldn’t you be here? Shouldn’t you direct everything rather than putting yourself in the enemies’ path? If we lose you, who is going to take care of everyone else?”

X shook his head. “That’s not the kind of leader I am. I don’t stay secure at headquarters while everyone is out in the field. I’ve been forced to stay back far too often because someone might recognize me, but that stopped being important the moment Swain took Leo and Giorgio prisoner and Badger went after you.

“I need… I mean, everyone… We need you. Without you, Vigilance won’t have…”

“This mission is personal.”

“Why is it more so than other missions? Aren’t your team members always under attack?”

“We are, but most missions have simply been a matter of someone who didn’t want to be stopped, not someone who had a vendetta against us. Ever since this began, since Swain and the other assholes targeted my son, I’ve known I would take any risk to put an end to it. And now, it’s more than just my team, it’s—”

The radio buzzed. “We’ve got them in our sights. Over,” Niall said.

“There’s a holdup here. Continue with the plan. I’ll join you soon. Out.”

“X?” Niall sounded confused.

“Not now.” He put the radio in his pocket and turned to me.

“Please. If they can handle it, if…”

He sighed. “I left my pack out there,” X said, tilting his head toward the door. “It’s got the rest of my weapons and extra ammo in it.”

“You won’t need those if you stay here, will you?”

“This room is very secure, but nothing is guaranteed. I want everything I have at my disposal.”

“Come back. Please come back after you get it.”

34

Xavier

I hated the idea of lying to Emilio, but I needed him to let me go. I needed to be out there with my men. I needed to personally see Swain’s men brought down. I intended to question them until they revealed Badger’s location since there was little chance he’d be among them. I needed his identity because he’d signed his death warrant the day he’d first hurt Emilio.

“I’ll be back. Just let me get my pack so I’m sure I can defend us here if someone manages to get in.” I was doing this for Emilio’s own good. I just hoped he’d understand later and forgive me.

“I thought you could beat up, like, six guys at once with your bare hands.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I can, but if they have guns, then it’s best if I’m also armed.” I cupped his cheek with one hand, brushing my thumb against his soft skin. Then I bent and gave him a gentle kiss. I hoped it wasn’t a kiss goodbye.

When I closed the door behind me, I considered my options. As stubborn as Emilio was and as intense as our feelings for each other had grown over the last few days, I couldn’t be certain he would stay put.

He’d be watching the surveillance cameras, and if he saw me out there and thought I was in danger, he might risk coming after me. I couldn’t have that.

I hadn’t told him the door to the safe room could be locked both ways, making it function as a holding cell. I could put in a code and lock him in, but I was certain he’d be able to override the system without much trouble. I needed a better way since he could get around anything computerized.