A Discovery of Secrets and Fate (Chronicles of the Stone Veil 2)

“Then we have somewhat of a plan,” I murmur.

“We should get some sleep,” he suggests, starting to rise from the chair.

“I have another question,” I say, one that had been niggling at the back of my thoughts ever since we came down here. It didn’t seem overly important in the grand scheme of things because I decided I could trust Carrick.

Now I just want to know because I’m nosy. “Your reward for helping me is Ascension. Veda said you deserved it. Does that mean you’ll become a god if you’re granted it?”

Deep pain flashes within Carrick’s eyes, and it doesn’t quickly dissipate the way his emotions normally do, so I don’t doubt what I’m seeing. But his voice is strong, and there’s no sadness or regret in his tone. “No, that’s not what Ascension means.”

He says nothing further, so I have to poke him. “Put it all out there for me, Carrick.”

Taking in a breath, he lets it out. “Ascension is granting me the right to be no more. Just as the gods created me, and I came to be, by them letting me ascend, it means I’m undone. I won’t exist anymore.”

Horrific pain cuts through me at the thought. “But… why would you want that?”

Carrick laughs mirthlessly, a tiny bit of genuine humor in his eyes. “You live almost five thousand years and come talk to me about how tired you are of everything. How boring the hundreds and hundreds of years passing are in between the gods calling on you for something. How nothing surprises you anymore, and there’s nothing to look forward to. I’m just tired, Finley, and I want peace.”

I remember when I first met Titus and learned he lived in a realm where he never aged, and I had thought that was so cool… to be immortal. Carrick had said back then that some people just get tired of life.

In some ways, that makes Carrick have something in common with my father, a thought that is actually too terrible to consider.

“Will you go to Heaven or something like that?” I whisper.

Shaking his head, he repeats. “I will just be undone. No more.”

That can’t be. He can’t do that. I don’t want him to do that. I have found these past several weeks that I’ve come to admire and respect Carrick, and he has saved my life.

I’ve come to have more than just respectful feelings.

“You kissed me,” I blurt out, remembering back to our room in Faere when he had me caged and his lips brushed over mine. I know there was a moment where he wanted it to go deeper, and so did I. “Didn’t that surprise you? Does it give you something to look forward to?”

“Finley,” Carrick says regretfully, leaning in a bit closer. I can hear the let down in his tone, and it slices deep. “There’s no way for an immortal and a mortal to work. It’s impossible. And yes, I had thought about taking it further, but it was fleeting and it’s gone.”

“Not true,” I say with a censuring tone. “You’re lying to me, and I want you to tell me the truth. This is about trust.”

It’s so very shocking, but Carrick reaches out and takes my hand in his. The first genuinely comforting move he’s made, and he looks down at it a moment while grazing his thumb over the back. The contact is electric, not soothing.

“I’m not lying,” he says neutrally before bringing his gaze up to mine. “It is impossible for an immortal and a mortal to have a relationship. I don’t need to spell it out for all the reasons it won’t work. You’ve watched Buffy. You understand.”

“I hear truth in that,” I admit softly, but I let my words sort of drift off, meaning I know he hasn’t told me everything.

“But I did lie when I said the desire for more was fleeting and gone.” His eyes bore into mine, and hope leaps into my chest. Maybe we just need to start with a kiss and worry about what comes later.

Instead, he dashes my hopes when his eyes fill with sadness. “But I can’t let it happen. You shouldn’t want it to happen because it won’t work in the long run.”

“Okay, yes… maybe we’d only have some years together, but—”

“I’m going to ascend at the end of this, Finley. I won’t be here to have years with you.”

And the finality of that statement feels like someone just dropped a ton of bricks on me. I’m utterly crushed as I realize Carrick’s reward would lead to my devastation if we were to let anything happen between us. Carrick would be nothing… undone as he says. I’d be left behind with nothing but memories.

But one more thing Arwen told me comes to the forefront of my mind, and I think I had forgotten about it until this moment. I pull my hand away from his. “Actually… I won’t be here either to have years with you. Arwen told me that thwarting the prophecy would require great sacrifice, and it would be mine to bear. I think that means my death.”