My Curvy Belle

As my favorite grandchild, something I would go to the gallows denying if anybody asked, I have to look out for my boy. I ain’t getting any younger and I hate the fact that of all the young’uns he’s the only one not settled down.

He went out to that California with the other heathens and was raising hell for the past ten or so years, dipping his wick in anything that wasn’t nailed down. Now it’s time for him to stop his nonsense and put down some roots.

I’m not too excited about having one of those things he usually pants after at my Thanksgiving table so it’s up to me and his mama to lead him in the right direction.

I don’t care who calls me nosy or meddling, I know what I know. These young people think they know every damn thing that’s why the divorce rate is so damn high.

Who better to choose your mate than the people who know you best? I changed his shitty diapers and wiped his snotty nose, you telling me I don’t know my boy? That shit don’t make no damn sense.

So, with that thought in mind, his mama and I have been on the lookout. Just our luck Charlie’s grand baby came up single just in the nick of time. It’s only because she’s my best friend’s grand baby that I don’t mind that she’s divorced.

Usually I would’ve chosen a nice little virgin bride for my boy, but someone like that may not be able to handle him. If he’s anything like his daddy, my son in law, he’s a handful.

Our Belle might have been married but the girl ain’t ever known a real man if you ask me. My Logan is just what she needs to bring her out of her funk either way.

Charlie and I had come up with the idea when we read about his latest affair with one of them Hollywood strumpets coming to an end in one of those magazines we live by since he moved out there.

My daughter wants her boy home where she can keep an eye on him so she was more than happy to get on board. And no matter how his daddy told us to stay out of his son’s business, we know what we know.

“Emma, it’s back to you.” I didn’t even let my child get out the first hello when she picked up the phone on the other end. Time is of the essence when you’re planning people’s lives for them after all.

“He talked to her?”

“Yep! Never seen anything like it in all my days. Made a beeline for her as soon as he saw her behind crossing the lot.”

“Makes you wonder why he wasted all those years on those beanpoles.”

“Didn’t I tell you? I know my grand baby. Anyway he should be there soon seeing as how he drives like he’s the only one on the road.”

“Okay mama thanks, I’ll do my part on this end. Logan Carter I’ll thank you to stay out of my business. He’s my son too….” She hung up the phone and went to fuss at her husband who was grumbling something or other in the background.

If only he knew that he’d been set up over thirty-five years ago he wouldn’t be barking that loud. Charlie and I have been at this for the better part of forty years and don’t plan to stop anytime soon.

These folks can say what they want, but the only two divorces in either family happened because we didn’t have a hand in the choosing and I’ll go to my grave believing that.

Us old people don’t get much respect these days but we know what we know. That’s why we have marriages that last until death, do us part. But does anyone listen to us? Nope!

That’s why we have to resort to underhanded tactics and shenanigans. I don’t care how we get there as long as we reach I’m fine with that.

That said, I know my grand baby and he’d have ten kinds of fits if he thinks we’re meddling in his business. The boy always did have a stubborn streak a mile wide.

I know though that by this time next year if all goes well, he’d be good and wed with a baby on the way or knowing him, one already here.

And that poor girl’s heart would be healed so she don’t even remember the name of that dickless bastard and the sea hag she thought was her friend.

With the first stage set in place I went back to work tending the antiques shop that has been in my family for four generations and counting.

My mind has been more at ease since we sweet talked the boy into coming back home a few weeks ago. I knew once we got him to say yes that it could only mean one thing.