Released (Caged 3)

Erin laughed.

“I would tend to agree,” she said, “but there are some key things you need to come to terms with first before that would be effective.”

“What’s that?”

“Let’s talk about all the wonderful things in your life,” she said as I sat down.

“Uh…is that sarcasm?”

“No,” she said, “not at all.”

“Well,” I started slowly, “I still have a job at the moment though I probably came close to losing it today.”

“Would that be the reason you inquired about anger management?”

“Yep.”

“Got it. We’ll tackle that later. What else?”

“I don’t know why we’re doing this,” I grumbled.

“Part of healing is recognizing the positives, Liam. There are many positives in your life that you choose to ignore in favor of focusing on the negatives. We have to move past that.”

“The shitty stuff stands out. Everything that’s happening right now reminds me of…of what happened before. Whenever we go to the doctor or Tria says something about how she’s feeling…all of it comes back. I’ve done all this before even though Tria hasn’t. Every other word out of her mouth makes me think about…about Aimee.”

“But Tria isn’t Aimee,” Erin said. “Did you love Aimee?”

I swallowed.

“Yes,” I said.

“And do you love Tria now?”

“More than anything.”

“How do you feel about the baby that is coming?”

“I don’t know if I can survive that long,” I said with a quick laugh through my nose.

“Why do you say that?”

“I just don’t know how I’m going to make it through,” I said. “I mean, Tria’s just out of the first trimester. I’ve got months of this.”

“And each day brings you closer to the end,” Erin said.

“That’s what it feels like,” I agreed.

“That isn’t what I mean,” Erin clarified. “I mean it brings you closer to the end of the pregnancy—the beginning of fatherhood.”

“I don’t really think about that,” I admitted. “The whole ‘being a father’ thing. It’s too…too abstract.”

“Did you think about it when Aimee was pregnant?”

“Yeah. Look where that got me.”

“Liam”—Erin leaned forward in her seat like she always did when she was trying to make some monumental point that would end up lost on me—“everything happens for a reason.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”